Tender at the Bone: Growing Up at the Table

Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.



1. Were you satisfied with the balance of recipes, personal stories, and commentary in this memoir? What might you have enjoyed more or less of?

2. What did you find most and least engaging about Reichl’s story? What did you enjoy or not enjoy about her narrative voice?

3. Have you read other books that blend memoir with recipes and commentary—such as Stanley Tucci’s Taste: My Life Through Food (2021), Shoba Narayan’s Monsoon Diary (2023), Michael Twitty’s The Cooking Gene: A Journey Through African American Culinary History in the Old South (2017), or Molly Wizenberg’s A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table (2009)? Which book taught you the most about food? Which did you enjoy the most, and why?

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Which of the dishes and cuisines Reichl discusses are you familiar with? After reading, are there any foods or cuisines you find yourself curious about and interested in exploring further?

2. Did you find yourself comfortable or uncomfortable with Reichl’s discussions of race and class? How does this reflect your own background and experiences?

3. Have you known someone whose relationship with one or both of their parents was similar to Reichl’s relationships to Miriam and Ernst? How did their processing of this relationship compare to Reichl’s?

4. Do you—or does someone you are close to—have phobias or experience regular anxiety? How realistic does Reichl’s depiction of these conditions seem to you?

5. What role does food play in your life? How does this differ from Reichl’s relationship to food, and how is it similar?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. What historical events and cultural influences contribute to America’s fascination with French culture? How is this fascination reflected in Tender at the Bone? How has America’s belief in the superiority and sophistication of French culture changed over time?

2. What changes were taking place in American culture in the 1960s and 1970s? How are these changes reflected in Reichl’s description of her life during this era?

3. In Tender at the Bone, Reichl is arguing that food can be an art form—a vehicle for self-expression that can convey essential truths. What other human creations or activities can you make a similar argument for? To what extent does our society recognize the importance of these forms of expression?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. The chapters of this book are not always offered in chronological order. Where does Reichl depart from a strict chronology of her experience? What purpose do these departures serve?

2. Reichl wrote Tender at the Bone long after the events it depicts took place. Do her narrative voice and tone generally reflect this distance in time, or is she trying to recreate her experiences as they happened, without interference from her older self’s perspective? What evidence supports your answer?

3. Reichl focuses on four main settings: New York, Montreal, Ann Arbor, and Berkeley. How does each of these cities contribute to her experiences? What is important about each city’s distinct nature?

4. How are Reichl’s choices as a food writer related to her beliefs about the many roles food plays in our lives? How do her choices in Tender at the Bone reflect this?

5. What does “tender at the bone” mean in cooking? Why would Reichl have chosen this expression as the title of this memoir?

Encourage imaginative and creative connections to the book.

1. When recipes are posted on the internet today, they are often accompanied by brief personal memoirs—not unlike the blending of genres that Reichl helped pioneer. If you were going to choose one recipe to offer in an internet post (whether you actually know how to make this dish or not) which recipe would be important enough to you to choose? What personal story might you accompany this recipe with?

2. If you were to write a memoir about how your childhood and adolescence influenced either your current work life or your most passionate interests, which relationships would you focus on? How did these people contribute to the development of your understanding and skills?