The Ordinary Princess

In the fairy-tale kingdom of Phantasmorania, King Hulderbrand and Queen Rodehesia already have six beautiful, golden-haired, blue-eyed princesses, each named after a precious stone. When news spreads that a seventh princess is expected, the townspeople celebrate, confident that a youngest princess will be the most beautiful of all. On a spring morning, a cannon fires 20 times from the palace walls to signal the royal birth, and the city declares a holiday. The baby is christened with seven names: Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne.

Before the christening, the King and Queen quarrel over whether to invite fairies. The King calls the idea "rash," citing his great-great-great-grandmother, who was cursed to sleep 100 years after a fairy was slighted at her christening. The Queen, supported by the Prime Minister and the Lord High Chamberlain, a senior royal court official, insists on following tradition. The King reluctantly agrees.

On the christening day, fairy godmothers bestow Charm, Wit, Grace, Courage, and other virtues. The Queen whispers triumphantly that everything has gone well. Then Crustacea, the powerful elderly fairy-in-charge-of-water, arrives late, irritable and nearly dry from a traffic jam. She hobbles to the cradle in her seaweed cloak, reviews the gifts already given, waves her coral stick over the baby, and declares she will give the child something better: "You shall be Ordinary!" She vanishes before anyone can stop her. The Queen faints, the King repeats "I told you so," the Prime Minister resigns, and the baby proves the spell by screaming furiously and turning purple.

As years pass, Amy, as everyone calls her, grows into exactly what the fairy promised. Her golden curls darken to mouse-colored hair, her eyes turn grayish-brown, and freckles cover her turned-up nose. She possesses health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness, but no one notices because she is not beautiful. While her six lovely sisters must protect their complexions and embroider tapestry, Amy discovers a secret escape: A twisty wisteria vine outside her turret window lets her climb down to the Forest of Faraway, a vast woodland bordering the palace. She swims, climbs trees, and befriends the wildlife, returning with torn gowns that no one investigates, since the court is glad to have her out of the way.

One by one, the six sisters marry handsome princes. The court then turns its attention to finding Amy a husband, but prince after prince departs after a single day upon seeing her. The King convenes an emergency meeting, and the Lord High Chamberlain proposes hiring a dragon to ravage the countryside, locking Amy in a tower, and proclaiming that any prince who slays the dragon may marry her. The King enthusiastically approves.

Amy learns of the plot from a cheerful, freckled girl named Clorinda, whom she meets during a picnic in the forest. Amy persuades Clorinda to swap clothes with her, writes a letter refusing to be shut in a tower or married off, and climbs down the wisteria into the moonlit forest. Search parties find no trace of her, and the dragon order is canceled.

Amy wanders through the forest for nearly two months, eating nuts and berries, sleeping on moss, and growing brown and healthy. She befriends a little red squirrel she names Mr. Pemberthy and a crow she names Peter Aurelious. When her clothes fall apart, she encounters Crustacea standing in a forest pool. Her fairy godmother asks whether being ordinary has made her glad or sorry; Amy answers "Glad!" Crustacea advises her to earn money for new clothes and points toward the city of Amber, capital of the neighboring kingdom of Ambergeldar.

Amy walks to the castle in Amber and gets hired as the fourteenth assistant kitchen maid at two pfennigs a week. She works from dawn to late night, saving her wages to buy a new dress and return to the forest. Every second Thursday she picnics in the forest with her animal friends.

When Queen Hedwig of Plumblossomburg, King Algernon's aunt, arrives with her beautiful daughter Princess Persephone hoping to arrange a marriage with the young king, the kitchen staff's workload grows. After a grand ball one night, Amy searches the banquet hall for leftover nuts and finds a nice-looking young man sitting on a table, licking strawberry ice cream from a silver ladle. He introduces himself as a man-of-all-work who rarely gets time off. They share ice cream and easy conversation, and he asks to join her next forest picnic.

Over the following weeks, Amy and the young man, who goes by Peregrine, become close friends through fortnightly outings. They explore, climb trees, and build a little log hut in a glade, christening it "The Birches." One afternoon, Amy's old Nurse Marta, visiting relatives in Amber, recognizes her and exclaims "Your Highness!" Peregrine overhears, jokingly calls Amy a fibber, and threatens to spank her. She tells him her full story, and he laughs so hard they forget the time. The revelation changes nothing between them.

Soon after, Amy is fired for breaking plates. She sits weeping on a back staircase, and Peregrine finds her, saying he hates seeing her work so hard. Before he can say more, the Lord Chamberlain, a senior court official, appears and addresses Peregrine as "Your Majesty," summoning him to the Council chamber. Amy realizes Peregrine is King Algernon. She threatens to slap a king, just as he once threatened to spank a princess, and they collapse laughing on the stairs.

In the Council chamber, officials urge Peregrine to marry Princess Persephone. Instead, he announces he will marry Princess Amethyst of Phantasmorania and orders an embassy sent to her father. He also instructs the Council to hint that Queen Hedwig's extended visit should end, noting the extra work it creates for the kitchen staff.

The next morning, Peregrine proposes and explains that Amy must return to the capital city of Phanff so the embassy can formally request her hand. He rides with her through the forest, and she climbs the wisteria to her turret room. A week later, an Envoy Extraordinary, a special royal ambassador, arrives from Ambergeldar requesting Amy's hand. The Queen orders the lights dimmed and assigns only the plainest ladies-in-waiting to attend Amy. The reception passes smoothly, and the wedding is set for the last week of April.

Winter passes slowly. Amy endures dress fittings and writes thank-you letters. She writes to Peregrine reassuring him her nose is still turned up and freckled; he writes back begging her never to change. At last spring arrives.

In the last week of April, King Algernon rides to Phantasmorania at the head of a glittering cavalcade. Despite Amy's magnificent gown, Peregrine notices she is wearing the little necklace of acorn cups he made for her in the forest. Amy panics momentarily that this grand figure is nothing like her Perry, but when the heralds blow a fanfare, Peregrine winks, and she recognizes him. They marry the next day in the great cathedral of Phanff. Crustacea arrives in a chariot of oyster shells drawn by 100 golden frogs, taps Amy's forehead with her coral stick, and bestows a final gift: the lasting love of her husband, the respect of her subjects, four sons, two daughters, and lifelong happiness. The newlyweds drive away in a crystal coach, but no one notices that Amy carries an untidy brown paper parcel or that Mr. Pemberthy and Peter Aurelious sit on the coachman's box. Rather than honeymooning in a royal castle, they spend it at "The Birches," where Amy wears Clorinda's carefully mended dress and Peregrine chops firewood, singing "Lavender's blue, Rosemary's green, When I am King, You shall be Queen." "And so I am!" says the Ordinary Princess.