Mama Turd persuades Papa Turd to murder King Wenceslaus and seize the Polish throne for himself.

Captain Bordure agrees to help Papa Turd overthrow the king in exchange for being named Duke of Lithuania.

King Wenceslaus rewards Papa Turd with the title of Count of Sandomir, unaware of the plot against him.

Queen Rosamunde warns King Wenceslaus that Papa Turd will kill him, but the king dismisses her fears.

Papa Turd stomps on King Wenceslaus's foot at the parade, signaling his men to attack and kill the king.

Bordure's men kill the king's sons while Buggerlaus and the queen escape through a secret palace staircase.

The queen dies in a mountain cavern and Buggerlaus vows to pursue a terrible vengeance against Papa Turd.

Mama Turd and Bordure convince Papa Turd to distribute food and gold to the people at his coronation.

Papa Turd condemns all the assembled nobles to death through a trapdoor, seizing their property for himself.

Papa Turd locks Bordure in a dungeon; Bordure escapes to Moscow and joins the Russian army against Papa Turd.

A messenger informs Papa Turd of Bordure's alliance with Czar Alexis, and Papa Turd agrees to declare war.

Buggerlaus rallies the people of Warsaw behind him and drives Mama Turd and Gyron out of the city.

Papa Turd kills Bordure during the battle but the Polish army is routed and flees in every direction.

Buggerlaus and his soldiers attack Papa Turd and Mama Turd in a cavern; the Turds escape with their supporters.

Papa Turd, Mama Turd, and their crew board a ship and set sail for France.

Papa Turd, the Captain of Dragoons, is persuaded by his greedy wife Mama Turd to murder King Wenceslaus and claim the Polish throne. With Captain Bordure and a band of conspirators, Papa Turd assassinates Wenceslaus at a royal parade and crowns himself king. His reign immediately becomes a murderous tyranny, as he executes nobles, kills opponents, and seizes the nation's wealth for himself. When Bordure defects to Russia and the young prince Buggerlaus rallies the Polish people against him, Papa Turd is dragged into a disastrous war that ends in total defeat. Beaten in battle and hunted across Poland, Papa Turd and Mama Turd are finally chased out of the country and set sail for France, where Papa Turd is already scheming to seize power once more.

The rise and fall of Papa Turd's brutal reign as King of Poland.

Papa Turd and Mama Turd invite Captain Bordure and his men to dinner, but Papa Turd rushes the guests outside.

A royal messenger summons Papa Turd to the palace, and Papa Turd panics and plans to blame Mama Turd.

Papa Turd gives King Wenceslaus a little reed flute; Buggerlaus insults Papa Turd, calling him stupid, to his face.

Papa Turd's conspirators finalize the plan to jump on King Wenceslaus all at once during the next day's parade.

King Wenceslaus forbids Buggerlaus from attending the royal parade as punishment for his rudeness to Papa Turd.

The ghosts of Buggerlaus's royal ancestors appear and one gifts him a sword to use against Papa Turd.

Papa Turd publicly refuses to honor his promise and will not make Captain Bordure the Duke of Lithuania.

Papa Turd kills the magistrates for refusing to change the laws, then throws the financiers into the trapdoor too.

Papa Turd visits a peasant's hovel, demands double taxes, and destroys the house when the peasants refuse to pay.

Mama Turd immediately begins stealing the royal treasures after Papa Turd departs for war.

Mama Turd steals gold from the crypt of ancient kings and a ghostly voice from the tomb warns her away.

The exhausted Polish army reaches the Ukraine and a Russian cannonball strikes Papa Turd during the initial assault.

Papa Turd flees the battlefield and takes refuge in a cavern in Lithuania with Pile and Coccyx.

A bear attacks Papa Turd and his companions; Pile and Coccyx kill it while Papa Turd hides on a rock praying.

Buggerlaus abandons the chase and goes to claim the Polish crown, allowing the Turds to flee unimpeded.

Before the assassination of King Wenceslaus, Papa Turd and Mama Turd carefully lay their groundwork: hosting Bordure at a dinner, receiving a royal summons that nearly exposes them, and gathering conspirators to lock in the murder plan. After seizing the throne, Papa Turd extends his rampage from the nobility to the magistrates and financiers, destroying anyone who resists his will, including the peasants of a rural hovel. Mama Turd, left behind as regent, wastes no time plundering Poland's royal treasuries, only to be driven away by both a ghostly warning and Buggerlaus's advancing forces. On the battlefield in the Ukraine, Papa Turd's army crumbles almost immediately, and he retreats to a cavern where even loyal supporters Pile and Coccyx eventually desert him after he refuses to contribute to their shared survival. Buggerlaus ultimately halts the chase and claims the Polish crown himself, leaving the Turds to escape and flee the country.

The overlooked details behind Papa Turd's conspiracy, corruption, and collapse.

Papa Turd initially refuses Mama Turd's plan, insisting he would rather be poor than become a wicked, rich king.

Papa Turd acquiesces to Mama Turd's pressure and agrees to pursue the Polish throne through violence.

Papa Turd arrives at the palace expecting to be arrested but discovers the king knows nothing of the conspiracy.

The conspirators attack at the parade and Papa Turd delivers the killing blow, seizing King Wenceslaus's crown and scepter.

Buggerlaus fights and massacres the soldiers who break into the palace, enabling the queen to escape with him.

Mama Turd warns Papa Turd that denying Bordure his promised title will lead directly to Papa Turd's own downfall.

Papa Turd reveals his true plan as king: to grab all of Poland's wealth, kill everyone, and then leave.

Papa Turd delivers a sweeping ad-libbed speech condemning every category of person in society to death through the trapdoor.

Papa Turd makes Mama Turd regent before marching to war, sternly warning her not to rob him while he's gone.

Mama Turd flees Warsaw as Buggerlaus and his followers chase her, forcing her to abandon all the stolen treasures.

Papa Turd refuses to help Pile and Coccyx prepare the bear for eating while demanding they cook for him; they abandon him.

Alone in the cavern, Papa Turd narrates a nightmare aloud in which Buggerlaus kills him in battle.

Mama Turd enters the cavern and pretends to be the Archangel Gabriel, hoping Papa Turd will forgive her thefts.

Papa Turd recognizes Mama Turd's voice and begins lacerating her as punishment for stealing his royal treasures.

Papa Turd announces his plan to become Master of Phynance in Paris, revealing his lust for power is entirely unchanged.

Papa Turd's story pivots on a crucial early moment: his initial rejection of ambition followed by his sudden, greedy reversal and agreement to pursue the throne through murder. A second revelation quickly follows when Papa Turd arrives at the palace braced for arrest, only to discover that King Wenceslaus trusts him completely — a trust Papa Turd immediately betrays by personally delivering the killing blow at the parade. Once crowned, Papa Turd strips away any pretense of good leadership, dismissing Mama Turd's warnings and announcing his true intention to pillage Poland's wealth and abandon the country. His isolation deepens through a series of personal failures: refusing to share labor with loyal supporters, narrating a telling nightmare of his own defeat, and violently turning on Mama Turd for her thefts. The play ends not with any redemption or self-awareness, but with Mama Turd dismissing their own role in Poland's destruction, and Papa Turd already plotting his next rise to power in Paris.

The key decisions, discoveries, and moral revelations that define Papa Turd's story.