The chapter examines how the “nice girl” can lose independence by over-accommodating men. The “nice girl” cancels appointments, abandons hobbies, and neglects friendships to prioritize her partner, creating a void that eventually causes her to expect him to fill the emotional space created by those sacrifices.

Theresa gave up salsa dancing and tennis because her boyfriend did not share those interests. He eventually became distant because he sensed her loss of independence, which also made her increasingly insecure and emotionally dependent on the relationship. In contrast, the “bitch” maintains her own rhythm and remains “the boss” of herself. When a man cannot pull a woman away from activities like a pottery class, the chapter suggests that he finds this intriguing. Gale, the author’s former roommate, would cancel dates when tired, maintain her normal routine, and prioritize her own comfort and schedule, and the author presents this self-possession as one reason she consistently had men pursuing her.

The chapter advises women to accept only about two-thirds of a new partner’s invitations initially in order to maintain their own routine and independence. Lynn cooked an elaborate dinner for Kevin, a plastic surgeon, who canceled 30 minutes before arrival. She then offered to cook again at his place the next night, which the chapter presents as an example of “jumping through hoops” (101) and overcompensating for his behavior. He did not appreciate it, and they soon broke up.

Sarah bought a four-hundred-dollar plane ticket to visit Mickey after one meeting. He paid forty dollars for a motel where they had sex while he watched the World Series. Karla, a 19-year-old, did laundry for her boyfriend Bart even as he insulted her. Bart later admitted he would have respected her more had she left when he behaved poorly. The chapter advises women to give only what feels comfortable without losing themselves, their routines, or their sense of self in the relationship.

The chapter addresses how the author believes nagging causes men to tune women out and begin seeing women in a more maternal and predictable role instead of maintaining romantic excitement. When a woman nags, the chapter argues that she activates a man’s inner “three-year-old” (126), causing him to shut down within 30 seconds. The author advises communicating through behavioral changes and actions because repeated verbal complaints become ineffective.

The chapter compares men testing boundaries to toddlers who wander away but still check to ensure their partner remains present. Nagging signals to him that she is not going anywhere. To regain his attention, a woman should treat him like a friend—casually and without emotional intensity—while maintaining enough distance and unpredictability to make him concerned about losing the certainty of her attention and availability.

The author illustrates this idea through a woman named Rhonda, who stopped nagging after her boyfriend refused to drive seven minutes to pick her up. When she acted casual and indifferent, he became immediately more attentive. Diana repeatedly asked her husband to fix a latch; when she asked a friend’s husband for help within his earshot, he rushed to fix it himself. Lucy stopped requesting help with groceries, after which her husband began insisting on helping. Rayanna arranged a carpool with a single dad after her husband made excuses about school drop-offs; he immediately reclaimed the task. Another example involves a woman named Barbara, who secretly turned off a circuit breaker and pretended to be frightened, prompting her husband to step in and, afterward, help more around the house because he felt needed and capable. The chapter concludes that subtle distance, self-control, and behavioral changes are more effective than repeated verbal demands.

The chapter presents findings from interviews with hundreds of men. Mike dismisses emotional movies, and Chris describes them as a kind of punishment. The author portrays men as articulate about romantic relationships despite often avoiding direct discussions about feelings.

The chapter is organized as several lists of male perspectives, including five Top Fifteen lists and one Top Ten list. Many of the interviewees associate excessive talking with insecurity and prefer mystery and brevity. They appreciate women who communicate succinctly and allow them time with friends. One man describes a woman who talked during sex, even about her workday, which he viewed as excessive reassurance-seeking during intimacy.

Men often play it cool by delaying calls and hiding emotions to avoid appearing weak or desperate. Steven explains that men act casual because appearing eager makes women treat them differently. Several interviewees suggest that men avoid appearing overly vulnerable because they fear losing power, control, or emotional composure in relationships.

Regarding romance, men emphasize sexual variety and the importance of surprise. They need to feel desirable and want women who occasionally initiate sex without prompting.

Men are turned off by excessive materialism, drunkenness, women who center their lives around them, and those who show up unannounced. Many of the interviewees also describe themselves as attracted to feisty women who stand their ground and will not tolerate poor treatment. Men respect women who can banter and respond in kind.

When in love, men go out of their way for a woman and suddenly seem more alive. George, a doctor, admits men do not share this information with partners because it represents what he describes as a loss of power. The author concludes women should use these insights to please themselves and avoid losing themselves through overcompensating in relationships instead of trying harder to please men.