Wintergirls

“I take the cup from her. My throat wants it my brain wants it my blood wants it my hand does not want this my mouth does not want this.”

Crossed-out lines are used to represent Lia’s inner thoughts, while the lack of punctuation makes this read like stream-of-consciousness. Here, Lia refuses a glass of orange juice from her stepmother, even though Lia wants the juice. This is one example of Lia’s eating disorder, where she rejects food in order to remain thin.

“If my docs knew, they’d bodyslam me back into treatment. There would be consequences and repercussions because (once again) I broke the rules about the perfect sized Lia. I am supposed to be as big as they want. I am supposed to repeat my affirmations like incantations to drive the nasty voices out of my head. I am supposed to commit to recovery like a nun pledging body and soul in a convent.”

Even though Lia has been in and out of recovery twice, her eating disorder continues to worsen. Lia knows she must keep her habits of not eating and over-exercising a secret or she will be sent back to recovery. Her acknowledgement of what she knows she is supposed to do demonstrates her ability to hide her disorder, while telling the adults in her life what they want to hear.

“Talk = yell + scold + argue + demand.”

This quote illustrates Lia’s relationship with her parents. Lia struggles to communicate with her parents because difficult conversations most often lead to fights. This is one reason why Lia struggles to open up and trust her parents or to accept their help. She doesn’t feel they see her for who she really is, and that any attempts at a talk are just the opposite, where she is continually treated like a child for her