Henry Chinaski acts as Charles Bukowski's literary alter ego and the speaker of the poem. He is an established writer known for heavy drinking, and his gritty work has attracted an unorthodox, aggressive fanbase. Rather than showing outrage at being awakened and harassed in the middle of the night, he responds to his callers with a restrained, world-weary acceptance. He recognizes a shared sense of loneliness and boredom between himself and the two men on the telephone.

The Editor is an unnamed, drunken man who reaches out to Chinaski under the pretext of starting a magazine. He claims to be part of Chinaski's following, though his unprofessional approach and intoxicated state mock traditional literary publishing. He feels a direct kinship with Chinaski based on their mutual habit of drinking, brushing off his own bad behavior as something the author should understand.

Known primarily as a disembodied voice on the other end of the telephone line, this anonymous man is the Editor's drinking companion. He repeatedly interrupts the conversation by shouting aggressive insults and vulgarities at the author. Despite his hostility, his coarse behavior acts as a bizarre form of tribute to the unvarnished reality of Chinaski's writing.