An impoverished, satirical writer pretending to live on Grub Street. He employs an elaborate, tangential style full of irony to mock the religious and political establishment of early 18th-century England. He claims to be the freshest modern thinker and delights in confusing his readers while exposing the hypocrisy of high society. His philosophical meandering drives the entire structure of the book.

The eldest of three brothers, Peter represents the Roman Catholic Church in the central allegory. He is an arrogant and wealthy figure who quickly takes control of his father's will, twisting its words to justify adding forbidden fashionable adornments to their coats. Fancying himself a lord, he creates absurd inventions to cure worms and sells pardons to condemned prisoners to increase his wealth while subjugating his family.

One of the three brothers, representing Protestantism and specifically the Church of England. After breaking away from Peter's tyrannical rule, Martin attempts to restore his coat to its original state but does so with caution. He refuses to destroy the garment completely, leaving some stitches intact and showing a pragmatic approach to reforming his father's legacy.

The most extreme of the three brothers, serving as a symbol for Puritanism. Furious at Peter's past abuses, Jack violently rips the illicit lace and ribbons from his coat, tearing holes in the fabric itself in his zeal. His obsession with his father's will drives him to madness, leading him to found the eccentric Aeolist sect and embrace bizarre behaviors like swallowing candle ash to light his way.

A powerful, hot-tempered landlord representing King Henry VIII in the text's historical allegory. He is a fickle leader who frequently changes his allegiances among the religious brothers based on his personal desires, particularly his wish to secure a new wife.

An English jurist, politician, and the Lord High Chancellor. He is a powerful government figure and a man of literary background whom the Bookseller aggressively targets as a potential patron, hoping his wealth and influence will lend the treatise financial backing.

The opportunistic publisher of the narrator's treatise. He writes introductory letters attempting to secure wealthy patronage and explains the delays in the book's publication, claiming the author was absent or unavailable to provide further direction.

The deceased patriarch of Peter, Martin, and Jack. He leaves them identical coats meant to last a lifetime and a strict will detailing how they should be worn, representing divine scripture. His restrictive legacy drives the entire conflict between his sons.