Allergic to Girls, School, and Other Scary Things

Alvin Ho: Allergic to Girls, School, and Other Scary Things introduces Alvin Ho, a second-grader in Concord, Massachusetts, who is afraid of nearly everything: elevators, tunnels, school, and substitute teachers, among many other things. At home, Alvin is loud and talkative, and on weekends he transforms into his superhero alter ego, Firecracker Man, wearing a costume his gunggung (maternal grandfather) made for him. The moment he arrives at school, however, his voice shuts off completely. He has never spoken a single word in the classroom, despite coming from a long line of brave Chinese farmer-warriors dating back to 714 AD. He sees a therapist for what he calls "so-so performance anxiety disorder," but nothing has helped yet.

On the last day of summer vacation, Alvin prepares his Personal Disaster Kit (PDK), a waterproof fly box filled with survival items and emergency plans. He asks his older brother, Calvin, for advice on making friends, admitting that none of the boys at school will play with him. Calvin dictates a simple list: say hello and trade baseball cards. Alvin files it in his kit, though he doubts it will work since he cannot speak at school. Inspired by Calvin writing his name on all his belongings with a permanent marker, Alvin writes his own name on his special autographed baseball. Calvin then finds stretching exercises online, reasoning that being taller might help Alvin fit in, and hoists Alvin into their backyard apple tree to hang and stretch. Calvin and their younger sister, Anibelly, abandon him to bake cookies. Alvin gets stuck upside down, too afraid of heights to jump, until his mother discovers his empty seat at dinner and rescues him.

On the first day of school, Alvin's father encourages him, sharing that he was also scared of school at Alvin's age. Alvin feels fine on the bus, but the moment he enters Miss P's (Miss Pestalozzi's) second-grade classroom, his throat tightens. His desk buddy from first grade, Flea (whose real name is Sophie), invites him to sit beside her. Alvin wants to refuse, but his voice fails him. At recess, other children tease him with a kissing rhyme. After school, Flea follows Alvin home and presents The Book on Alvin, a handmade guide illustrating how he communicates through different eye expressions. She also shares her hobbies: Aggression for Girls, a kickboxing-karate class, and her goldfish, Boatswain, who watches action movies. Overwhelmed with irritation, Alvin calls the book and Flea "stupid." His mother orders him to apologize, and Flea leaves in tears. Alvin chases her and tries to take it back but substitutes "weird" for "stupid." Flea punches him with an uppercut that knocks him to the ground.

At school, Alvin continues to struggle. Miss P calls on him to read aloud, but he cannot produce any sound. At recess, the boys play Patriots' Day, reenacting the start of the American Revolutionary War at the Old North Bridge, represented by the monkey bars. Pinky, the biggest boy in the class and the group's self-appointed leader, chooses sides but ignores Alvin entirely. Alvin lies on the wood chips playing dead by himself.

Desperate to avoid school, Alvin sees an opportunity when a classmate named Jules contracts chicken pox. He joins a secret line of boys visiting Jules, hoping to catch the illness. Weeks later, during art class, the boys simultaneously discover blisters while painting self-portraits. The school shuts down for two and a half weeks.

During the quarantine, Alvin's father brings out his most prized possession: Johnny Astro, a rare 1960s toy that uses a fan-powered control panel to fly a balloon with an astronaut figure. He shares that the toy made him very popular as a child. Alvin flies it skillfully, and his father, deeply moved, whispers that someday the toy will be Alvin's. When school resumes, Alvin secretly takes Johnny Astro, rationalizing that "someday" has arrived. On the bus, the boys persuade him to open the box, but pieces break when the bus rounds a corner. At school, a substitute teacher fills in for Miss P and does not understand Alvin's inability to speak, but Flea explains that he communicates with his eyes. During show-and-tell, the substitute recognizes Johnny Astro from her own childhood and becomes emotional, calling it the best toy in the world. Her enthusiasm makes it Alvin's most successful show-and-tell ever. At recess, Flea reveals she found the missing pieces on the bus, though the toy remains damaged.

That evening, when Alvin's father discovers the damage, he breaks down crying and erupts in Shakespearean curses, a habit he uses to vent frustration. Rather than grounding Alvin, he retreats to the piano, plays intensely to calm down, and decides Alvin should take piano lessons to build confidence.

Alvin dreads his first lesson with Miss Emily, whose house sits at the end of a shadowy street. Jules warns him that Miss Emily is like the witch from "Hansel and Gretel." She turns out to be an elderly woman who smells like Alvin's pohpoh's (maternal grandmother's) almond hand lotion. Inside, Alvin notices she has only three fingers, and he freezes completely. There is no lesson.

At therapy, Alvin maintains his usual silence until, during a card game, he inadvertently speaks aloud for the first time, unleashing Shakespearean insults absorbed from his father's cursing. The therapist is initially thrilled but grows alarmed as the insults escalate, and Alvin bolts for the door. His father arrives and, rather than punishing him, drives to Brigham's Ice Cream. Over sundaes, his father reveals that he did not make a friend until he traded a Carl Yastrzemski Rookie baseball card for a Hank Aaron Rookie. He explains Rule No. 2 of being a gentleman: no cursing or insulting. His greatest wish for Alvin is to find a good friend.

Inspired by his father's story, Alvin borrows Calvin's prized Hank Aaron and Carl Yastrzemski Rookie cards while Calvin sleeps and gives them to Pinky. Pinky begins acknowledging Alvin but demands escalating dares: sticking his tongue out at the bus driver, jumping off his roof (which Alvin refuses), and watching a scary movie. On the way to the television, they pass through the backyard where Alvin's gunggung is teaching Anibelly and Calvin various pitches. Alvin longs to join them but follows Pinky instead. After the movie, Pinky demands Alvin demonstrate a forkball. Alvin throws it with all his might, but Pinky misses and the ball crashes through the neighbor's window. As Pinky tries to flee, Anibelly emerges from the shadows in a Halloween costume their gunggung just finished sewing. Pinky screams and wets his pants.

The next morning, wearing his Firecracker Man outfit, Alvin goes to Pinky's house and asks for the baseball cards back, explaining that he does not enjoy the things Pinky makes him do. Pinky returns them without argument. Alvin then stops at Flea's house, where she is practicing her kickboxing routine. He joins in, and they watch an action movie with Boatswain. Alvin apologizes for not standing up for Flea earlier, and she forgives him. Flea shows him a huge homemade volcano in her backyard, and they spend the afternoon pouring vinegar and baking soda into it, saving plastic Minutemen, Redcoats, and toy dinosaurs from the foamy lava. When they discuss Halloween costumes, Flea says she will be a princess, and Alvin says he will be a gentleman. Flea adds a drawing of Firecracker Man to The Book on Alvin. Alvin asks if they can do this again, and Flea answers, "Anytime," which sounds to Alvin like something friends say to each other. He races home happily, only to be confronted by his parents: The baseball that broke the neighbor's window has been found in her sink with Alvin's name written on it in permanent marker.