Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

David Sedaris's collection Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays is divided into two sections: twelve fictional short stories followed by four autobiographical personal essays. Across both halves, the pieces share a preoccupation with delusion, dysfunction, and the gap between how characters see themselves and how they appear to others.

The stories section opens with "Parade," narrated by a man of boundless grandiosity who claims romantic relationships with male celebrities including Bruce Springsteen, Charlton Heston, and Mike Tyson. With Tyson, the narrator swallows gold teeth meant for a commitment ceremony, is punched during a car ride, and retaliates by knocking Tyson unconscious. At a dinner with guests Bill and Pat Buckley, Tyson punches Bill and invites Pat to move in, prompting the narrator to leave while cherishing a tender memory of Tyson kissing each of his fingers.

In "Music for Lovers," a father narrates in a calm, instructional tone while describing increasingly horrifying acts of neglect toward his daughter Dawn. He performs home procedures on Dawn, including stitching her forehead with dental floss (later substituting yarn, which leaves a scar) and setting her broken ankles in casts so tight that both her feet are eventually amputated. He confiscates her record player and announces plans to extract her wisdom teeth himself.

"The Last You'll Hear from Me" takes the form of a suicide note by Trish Moody, structured as a letter to be read aloud at her funeral. Trish blames her death on her ex-boyfriend Randy Sykes, her former best friend Annette Kelper, and her dismissive mother. The letter escalates into public humiliation, as Trish instructs mourners to stone Randy and Annette to death with glass paperweights she has distributed.

"My Manuscript" is narrated by Chad Holt, a fourteen-year-old writing a sexually explicit manuscript. Chad resents his parents for giving him golf clubs instead of a typewriter. The family housekeeper, Mrs. Peacock, discovers evidence of his secret life: He has been visiting public restrooms for sexual encounters with men, resulting in rectal bleeding he tries to hide. He keeps his manuscript buried behind the family shed.

In "Firestone," a legally blind man works at a gas station as a favor to his pastor, accepts his progressive blindness as God's will, and struggles with basic job tasks. After a series of reassignments, he is stationed outside wearing stacked inner tubes as a human advertisement while his boss jokes about him to customers.

"We Get Along" follows Dale, a teenager cleaning a vacant basement apartment with his mother, Evelyne, after his father's death in a car accident. Evelyne is consumed by rage over her dead husband's infidelities, documented in a notebook listing his conquests, and obsessively phones women whose initials match an entry, trying to identify his unnamed blond lover. Dale knows the lover was Aunt Margery, Evelyne's own sister, but conceals this. The story ends with Dale anticipating the evening ritual: His mother will have him phone suspects, impersonating the grieving son while she listens on the other line.

"Glen's Homophobia Newsletter Vol. 3, No. 2" takes the form of a newsletter in which Glen documents alleged homophobia while revealing his own manipulative behavior. Glen fixates on Drew Pierson, a convenience store cashier, visiting him repeatedly and fabricating dreams with sexual subtexts. He eventually persuades Drew to place a telephone receiver in his underwear. Drew's mother catches him and screams anti-gay slurs. Glen publishes Drew's home phone number and urges readers to boycott the store.

"Don's Story" is framed as an Academy Awards acceptance speech. Don Singleton, a man from North Carolina who spent fourteen years locked in his bedroom refusing to work while his parents raged outside demanding he find a job, recounts arriving in Hollywood on a Greyhound bus with eight dollars, stabbing a fellow passenger who laughed at his ambitions, and signing a studio contract that same night.

"Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!" is a Christmas newsletter written by Jocelyn Dunbar that escalates from holiday cheer into the revelation of a baby's death. Jocelyn's husband Clifford fathered a daughter, Khe Sahn, during his service in the Vietnam War, and the twenty-two-year-old has arrived at their home. Meanwhile, their daughter Jacki's baby, born with a substance dependency, has been renamed Don and left in Jocelyn's care. Jocelyn instructs Khe Sahn to watch the baby while she goes shopping and returns to find the baby dead in the dryer. A neighbor claims she saw Jocelyn return home early; Jocelyn attacks her accusers' credibility and invites readers to her court hearing.

"Jamboree" is narrated by Chug, a teenager living in his sister Vicki's garage after being thrown out by his father and stepmother. Chug quit school to care for his nephew Marty Jr., whom Vicki's husband Marty Manning has rejected. After being caught stealing money for baby supplies, Chug is punched by his father and banished. Marty acquires a menacing Doberman named Jamboree that terrorizes the household. Chug plans to steal Marty's hidden cash and flee with the baby to Florida.

"After Malison" follows an unnamed female graduate student obsessively devoted to a celebrated author named Malison, who is visiting her university. She tracks him to his hotel, boycotts his evening lecture to drink in the hotel bar, and vomits on the table after a man using two canes challenges her knowledge of Malison's work. When she finally knocks on Malison's hotel room door, it is not Malison who answers but the same man from the bar, grinning and unsurprised.

The title story, "Barrel Fever," is narrated by Dolph Heck, who reflects on his mother's death, his estrangement from his only friend Gill Pullen (who has become sober and refuses to speak to Dolph when he is drunk), and his worsening alcoholism. Dolph's blackouts grow severe: He wakes on the kitchen floor having wet his pants and discovers he has been calling Scotland Yard after watching mystery programs. He resolves to answer the next phone call as a sign to redirect his life. A former classmate named Trudy Chase calls to offer condolences and invites him to volunteer. Dolph puts her on hold and stares at his mother's New Year's resolution card on the refrigerator, which reads "BE GOOD," unable to decide whether that means accepting Trudy's offer or telling her never to call again.

The essay section opens with "Diary of a Smoker," in which Sedaris recounts confrontations with anti-smoking culture and reflects on his mother, who smoked even through her final illness with lung cancer. "Giantess" describes Sedaris responding to a classified ad for an erotica magazine about women who grow to enormous proportions; after reading back issues, he concluded that the readers seemed to long for infancy. "The Curly Kind" links vignettes about domestic labor, from a childhood attempt to catch a chicken at his housekeeper Lena Payne's home to practicing Emmy acceptance speeches while cleaning a television writer's apartment.

The final essay, "SantaLand Diaries," recounts Sedaris's experience working as an elf named Crumpet at Macy's department store during the Christmas season. He describes the elaborate operation, the various elf positions, and the parade of visitors: parents who dominated their children's Santa encounters, racist customers who whispered requests for a "white" Santa, and several distinct Santas with contrasting styles. On Christmas Eve, his last day, the crowd is chaotic. Sedaris stays past his shift, and as he leaves, his manager squeezes his shoulder while continuing to scream at a customer.