Anders is a book critic whose profession has thoroughly soured his outlook on life, leaving him exhausted by mediocrity. His relentless critical eye spills over into his daily existence, making him cynical, deeply unhappy, and unable to switch off his harsh judgments. When armed men interrupt his bank errand, his inability to stop critiquing their cinematic clichés puts his life in extreme jeopardy.

Two armed men dressed in business suits and ski masks who attempt to rob the bank where Anders waits. One robber is short and moves slowly to gather cash from the tellers, while the leader handles crowd control. Their reliance on overused criminal catchphrases and movie tropes particularly aggravates Anders's critical sensibilities.

Two everyday bank customers caught in the same long line as Anders. Their trivial complaints about a teller closing her window thoroughly annoy him. During the robbery, they react with appropriate fear and attempt to warn Anders to stay quiet as he recklessly provokes the armed men.

A group of boys from Anders's youth, including a boy named Coyle and his cousin from Mississippi. They pass the time arguing the athletic merits of professional ballplayers. Their simple, unpretentious interactions represent a time before Anders became entirely jaded by his profession.

Sherry is an important figure from Anders's past, present before his professional cynicism completely took over his personal life. Initially drawn to her unembarrassed nature, Anders eventually found himself irritated by the very traits he once admired. This early rejection established a destructive pattern that repeated throughout his romantic life.