Charles is a lower-middle-class clerk working in London's financial district. He recently moved into a six-room rented home called The Laurels. He focuses heavily on social etiquette, enforcing strict rules about which guests can use his front door versus the side door. He lacks self-awareness, writes angry letters when offended, and frequently trips over his own paint scraper.

Carrie is Charles's wife. She manages the daily operations of their new home. She enjoys singing duets, hosting small parties, and tracking current fashion trends. She generally humors Charles's pompous behavior but occasionally defends her friends when he criticizes them.

Formerly known as Willie, Lupin is Charles and Carrie's twenty-year-old son. He blatantly rejects his father's cautious, lower-middle-class values in favor of flashy clothes, heavy drinking, and risky financial speculation. He frequently loses jobs due to insubordination but bounces back easily, showing a natural confidence that directly contrasts with his father's anxious social climbing.

Gowing is Charles's longtime friend who frequently arrives at The Laurels uninvited. He brings a loud energy to the household, playing rough practical jokes and making insulting observations about Charles's clothes and house. He rarely considers how his actions affect others.

Cummings is Charles's neighbor and friend. He is an avid bicyclist who regularly suffers minor injuries and falls. He writes formal letters to Charles whenever he feels slighted but serves as a steady, if unexciting, presence in the Pooters' social circle.

Mr. Perkupp is the senior partner at the financial firm where Charles works. He maintains a polite, encouraging demeanor toward his staff. He represents the peak of professional respectability in Charles's eyes and frequently praises his clerk's honesty and dedication.

Mrs. James is Carrie's old school friend. She dresses in the latest styles and introduces Carrie to new hobbies like manicures and spiritualism. Charles strongly dislikes her, viewing her as a bad influence who disrupts his authority in the household.

Daisy is a young woman involved with Lupin. She is about eight years older than him and favors bright, low-necked dresses that Charles finds highly inappropriate. Her relationship with Lupin is volatile and a frequent topic of household stress.

Frank is Daisy's brother and a member of the Holloway Comedians amateur dramatic club. He considers himself a gifted comic performer but primarily irritates Charles by playing tunes on his cheek with a knife and overstaying his welcome.

A member of the Holloway Comedians, Mr. Burwin-Fosselton is an amateur actor completely convinced of his own brilliance. He insists on performing endless, destructive imitations of the famous stage actor Henry Irving during social calls.

Murray is an acquaintance of Frank Mutlar. His family operates a famous three-shilling hat business, providing him with comfortable wealth. He operates smoothly within Lupin's social circle while harboring his own interests.

Hardfur is a loud, overbearing American journalist. He is highly opinionated and uses his quick wit to subtly insult the traditional English manners of other dinner guests, taking specific aim at Charles's modest demeanor.

Sarah is the live-in servant at The Laurels. She handles the cooking, cleaning, and answering of the side door. She frequently acts as a witness to Charles's domestic mishaps and manages his rigid rules regarding household operations.