Everything We Never Had

Told through four alternating perspectives spanning nearly a century, the novel traces the Maghabol family, a Filipino American family whose men struggle across generations with identity, fatherhood, and the emotional distances they inherit from one another. The narrative moves between great-grandfather Francisco in 1929 California, grandfather Emil in 1965 Stockton, father Chris in 1983 Denver, and sixteen-year-old Enzo in 2020 Philadelphia, revealing how patterns of silence, anger, and absence repeat and evolve.

In October 1929, sixteen-year-old Francisco Maghabol picks apples in the Pajaro Valley alongside other Filipino migrant laborers. He left the Philippines at fifteen, lured by promises of wealth, only to find backbreaking work, a dollar a day, and hostility from white Americans. Francisco emigrated as the eldest son to earn money for his siblings' schooling and reclaim the family land his father lost through gambling before abandoning the family. He works closely with Lorenzo Tolentino, a nineteen-year-old from a neighboring village who dreams of college and law school. As the season ends, Francisco's pay after deductions leaves almost nothing to send home, and a letter from his sister pleads: "You abandoned us, for what?" He cannot bring himself to write back. On Saturday nights, the workers visit taxi dance halls, where Francisco meets Beatriz Roxas, a sharp, witty mestiza (Filipino-Mexican) woman who will become his romantic partner. She teases him about his romantic fixations and challenges him to think about what kind of future he wants.

Nearly a century later, in December 2019, sixteen-year-old Enzo Maghabol, who is Filipino and Puerto Rican American, rolls lumpia, a Filipino egg roll, with his parents in their West Philadelphia home. His father, Chris, a middle school teacher, tells Enzo that a doctor friend has warned about a new virus and suggested moving Chris's father out of his retirement community. The family agrees to take in Lolo Emil (lolo being the Filipino word for grandfather) out of utang na loob, a concept of deep familial obligation, despite the fact that none of them actually like the old man. Lolo Emil has long mispronounced the name of Enzo's mother, Julia, criticized Chris's career, and dismissed Enzo's anxiety diagnosis. When Lolo Emil arrives by mid-February with luggage and an unexpected dog, Thor, tension is immediate: He insults the house, refuses to call Enzo by his chosen name, and bristles at any warmth.

In 1983 Denver, sixteen-year-old Chris endures his father Emil's relentless control. Emil had barred Chris from football his freshman year; Chris deliberately tanked his grades in protest, then earned all As in summer school to negotiate his way back onto the team. After Chris scores a game-winning touchdown, Emil leaves the bleachers early, missing the celebration. Days later, Emil contacts the coach and has Chris removed from the team over a missing essay. Banned from football, Chris is sentenced to the library each afternoon, where he meets Rebecca "Becs" Sales, a new student from the Philippines, who nudges him toward the resources around him. Chris discovers how little he knows about his own heritage and begins researching Philippine history. With the help of a librarian, he uncovers the abuses of Ferdinand Marcos's dictatorship, which imposed martial law in 1972: fabricated war medals, stolen billions, and tortured political prisoners. He reads Primitivo Mijares's exposé, The Conjugal Dictatorship, and watches footage of opposition leader Benigno Aquino's assassination. When Chris excitedly shares his discoveries with Emil, his father dismisses everything, saying he is grateful to live in America. After Thanksgiving, Chris confronts Emil about never teaching him their heritage. Emil reveals the family is Ilokano, not Tagalog, information Chris never knew. Chris walks away, vowing never to be a father like Emil.

In 1965 Stockton, fifteen-year-old Emil works at his Auntie Carmen's café in Little Manila, the city's Filipino neighborhood. His father, Francisco, now an aging labor organizer, is rarely home. Carmen advocates individual advancement and assimilation, criticizing Francisco for being blacklisted and depending on family charity. Emil absorbs her worldview, forging Francisco's signature to skip ahead in math rather than risk his father blocking him as before. When Francisco returns from organizing, he delivers a rousing speech about isang bagsak, or collective unity, pulling Emil onto a coffee table as a prop. Emil rejects the philosophy and retreats to his room. Later, Francisco surprises Emil at a boxing gym by expressing genuine pride and urging him to attend college. He asks Emil to visit the grape strike in Delano, calling it historic. At the Filipino Hall in Delano, an elderly veteran named Lola Mar tells Emil how the US government broke its promises to Filipino soldiers after World War II, unsettling Emil's belief that the farmworkers' struggles are their own fault. But Emil also discovers that Francisco has another son, Sergio, from Coachella Valley. His mother, Beatriz, confirms she already knew. Devastated by his father's hypocrisy, Emil resolves to graduate, attend college far away, and put a "continental divide" between himself and Francisco.

As the pandemic intensifies in Philadelphia, Enzo's anxiety worsens. He has lost his carefully arranged room, which served as a sanctuary, to accommodate Lolo Emil. Chris suggests Enzo join his grandfather on evening walks. After weeks of refusals, Lolo Emil relents. The walks become a ritual: Lolo Emil enforces silence and makes Enzo leave his phone at home. Enzo begins noticing the world around him, and his anxiety quiets. Gradually, they talk. Lolo Emil shares fragments of his childhood, acknowledging that his failure to communicate with Chris is probably his own fault and recognizing the generational pattern. He calls them "mirrors infinitely reflecting each other." When Chris reluctantly joins a walk, the dynamic collapses. A disagreement escalates into a full argument: Chris accuses Lolo Emil of being controlling, and Lolo Emil retorts that Chris plays victim. Enzo watches in tears, then retreats into isolation, stops attending therapy, and withdraws from everyone.

In January 1930, violence erupts in Watsonville when hundreds of armed white men surround the Filipino dance hall. The riots last four nights. On the fourth night, Francisco joins the resistance despite Lorenzo's earlier pleas for him to stay behind. Francisco and others are ambushed and beaten. The next morning, Lorenzo's cot is empty: He had gone looking for Francisco during the night. After hours of searching, Francisco finds Lorenzo's body in a ditch, beaten to death. Consumed by grief, Francisco heads for the railroad tracks to catch a train home, but Lorenzo's words return to him: "If you really want to fight back, little brother, then stay." Francisco lets the train pass and decides to remain in America, fighting through organized resistance rather than fleeing.

Enzo's best friend, Kyle Sardo, appears at his window and reminds him that he cannot single-handedly fix multigenerational dysfunction at sixteen. One night, Enzo overhears Chris and Lolo Emil on the porch. Lolo Emil dismisses Enzo's sensitivity as weakness. Chris pushes back, calling it "beautiful" and defining love as truly knowing someone and letting them be who they are. When Lolo Emil asks if Chris ever received that kind of love from him, Chris answers plainly: no. Lolo Emil announces he is moving back to the retirement home. Before leaving, he gives Thor to Enzo, saying they need each other. Chris tells Enzo he loves him, that his sensitivity is a superpower, and that he will try harder to open up. Enzo reclaims his room, sets up a dog bed for Thor, and asks Chris to walk with him. As they reach the intersection where Chris and Lolo Emil argued, Chris turns to Enzo and asks, "Which way?"