How Women Rise

Leadership experts Sally Helgesen, a specialist in women's leadership since her 1990 book The Female Advantage, and Marshall Goldsmith, one of the world's most prominent executive coaches, collaborate to identify 12 specific workplace habits that hold women back from advancing in their careers. Their partnership grows out of Goldsmith's 2007 bestseller, What Got You Here Won't Get You There, which identifies 20 behaviors that undermine high achievers. Because Goldsmith's coaching base is roughly 80 percent male, those original habits skew toward behaviors more common among men, such as claiming undeserved credit or refusing to express regret. Through subsequent workshops with women, Goldsmith recognized that women face a different set of behavioral challenges, and Helgesen's decades of research on women's leadership made her the ideal collaborator.

The book opens with a foundational insight: The same behaviors that help people succeed at one level often prevent them from advancing to the next, a phenomenon the authors call the "superstition trap," in which people falsely believe they succeed because of certain habits rather than in spite of them. Goldsmith's coaching of Frances Hesselbein, the celebrated former CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, crystallized his recognition that women face distinct challenges. Despite receiving overwhelmingly positive 360-degree feedback (a process in which colleagues, supervisors, and direct reports provide anonymous evaluations), Hesselbein immediately listed 27 things she wanted to improve, a stark contrast to high-performing men who typically treated similar feedback as confirmation of their brilliance. This tendency toward self-criticism rather than overconfidence, the authors argue, opens women to a different set of behavioral pitfalls.

The authors contend that women often define success differently than men, placing high value on the quality of their work experience and the impact of their contributions rather than viewing salary and position as the sole markers of achievement. Research by Helgesen and Julie Johnson, published in The Female Vision, confirms that while men prioritize high salary, position, and winning, women prioritize enjoying their daily work and describe success in collaborative terms. This broader definition benefits teams but can lead women to underinvest in their own advancement.

Three case studies illustrate how specific habits create what the authors call "stuckness," the feeling of being unable to move forward despite strong contributions. Ellen, a Silicon Valley software engineer, built broad connections across her company but never told her boss about them, leaving him to critique her for lacking visibility. Carrie, a financial services executive, isolated herself to master regulatory details before building relationships, quickly earning a reputation for being inaccessible. Miranda, a senior law firm associate, overcommitted to committees because she could not say no. Each woman's behavior once served her well, but in new circumstances, operating on what the authors call "autopilot," these habits undermined her.

The authors examine how women resist change differently from men. Where Goldsmith's original model describes resistance among successful men as progressing from dismissing the critic to attacking the messenger, the authors propose that women more typically feel discouraged, then consider whether the assessment has valid grounds, and finally examine how their own behavior contributed. This pattern creates a bridge to constructive action. Three core beliefs fuel women's resistance: that ambition is inherently negative, that being a good person means not disappointing others, and that women should always serve as role models for other women. All three, the authors argue, are rooted in the societal expectation that women should put others' needs ahead of their own.

The central section presents the 12 habits in detail. Habit 1, Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements, describes how women avoid self-advocacy, often citing an "obnoxious blowhard" in their organization and refusing to emulate him, a false binary that provides moral justification for staying invisible. Habit 2, Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contributions, is demonstrated through Maureen, a law firm partner who made partner later than male peers because she never announced her ambitions. After joining the partnership committee, she observed that men who stated their goals from day one were perceived as "wanting it more," while equally qualified women were assumed to be less committed.

Habit 3, Overvaluing Expertise, describes how mastering every detail of one's job is a strategy for remaining in that role rather than rising above it. The authors present a framework of four kinds of organizational power: expertise, connections, personal authority, and position. Women who invest only in expertise limit their readiness for higher roles. Habit 4, Building Rather Than Leveraging Relationships, addresses how women who excel at forging connections often view using those relationships strategically as manipulative. Habit 5, Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One, traces the pattern of women resolving to master their jobs before reaching out, while men begin by asking whom they need to connect with. The authors distinguish mentors, who offer advice, from sponsors, senior leaders who actively advocate for others' advancement.

Habit 6, Putting Your Job Before Your Career, identifies loyalty as the most common reason women stay too long in one role. Habit 7, The Perfection Trap, explains how the drive for flawless performance creates stress, rivets attention on details rather than the big picture, and breeds risk aversion. Vera, a top performer at a global insurance company, was bypassed for the CEO position because her perfectionism made her overcontrolling and unwilling to take considered risks.

Habit 8, The Disease to Please, describes how chronic people-pleasing undermines decision-making, makes one vulnerable to manipulation, and squanders time. Nancy, a senior hospital administrator who rose from receptionist, became spread impossibly thin because she could not say no. Her coach, Ilsa, identified a pervasive sense of guilt, an excessive fear of gossip, and an inability to set boundaries, then helped Nancy reframe delegation as a nurturing behavior. Habit 9, Minimizing, catalogs the physical and verbal ways women diminish their presence, from ceding space in meetings to prefacing statements with disclaimers like "I just want to say." Habit 10, Too Much, addresses the double bind women face around emotional expression, wordiness, and personal disclosure, distinguishing between feeling emotions, which is valuable, and reacting from them, which is counterproductive. Habit 11, Ruminating, describes the pattern of chronically mulling over mistakes, which psychologists find more common in women, who tend to turn regret inward. Habit 12, Letting Your Radar Distract You, examines how women's capacity for broad-spectrum awareness, while a strength for communication and empathy, can scatter attention and feed self-doubt. The authors recommend "reframing," or revising the story one tells oneself about what one notices, as a management tool.

The book's final section offers a practical framework for change. The authors advise starting with one behavior and tying the effort to a clear statement of purpose. They recommend enlisting others' help through a four-step process: listening, thanking, following up, and advertising one's commitment to change. They strongly recommend peer coaching, a semi-formal reciprocal process in which two people hold each other accountable through regular check-ins. The authors also introduce "feedforward," a technique in which one solicits future-oriented suggestions rather than critiques of past behavior, and recommend creating a "to-don't list" that identifies behaviors and commitments to release. Addressing the obstacle of self-judgment, the authors offer the practice of saying "oh well" as a tool for self-acceptance and share a Buddhist parable about two monks to illustrate the futility of carrying past mistakes.

The book closes by reframing each of the 12 habits as the flip side of a genuine strength: reluctance to claim achievements is rooted in modesty, overvaluing expertise reflects respect for craft, and the disease to please reflects a passion for making others happy. The underlying pattern across all habits is one of diligence, conscientiousness, and concern for others. The authors express their conviction that far more women should hold positions of power and influence, and that addressing these behavioral obstacles will help women rise in their chosen fields.