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Content Warning: Both this guide and the source text discuss death, illness, and grief.
Blair Lang returns to her hometown of Seabrook, California after graduating from Pepperdine University to see her great aunt Lottie, who has stage four lung cancer. Her mother warns her that Lottie looks very ill. Blair stops at Seabrook’s Books and Nooks, her favorite local bookstore, where she runs into Rosie, a former high school classmate, who expresses surprise that Blair isn’t in New York. Blair tells Rosie about Lottie’s illness.
Blair arrives at Lottie’s house and reflects on Lottie’s life. Lottie fled Saigon, now Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, after the collapse of South Vietnam and the North Vietnamese Communist takeover, escaping to a small neighboring country. She waited until she received a sponsorship from a family in Orange County, California, where she moved and started a convenience store before franchising the store into seven locations. Lottie knew the pain of leaving a life behind, so when Blair’s mother fled her abusive husband, Blair’s father, Lottie took Blair and her mother in.
Blair goes upstairs and finds Lottie in a hospital bed beside Blair’s mother. Blair hugs Lottie and tries to make a lighthearted comment about how beautiful Lottie looks. Lottie congratulates Blair on graduating and insists that Blair go outside and enjoy the summer weather, so Blair goes.
Two weeks prior, Blair received a call from her mother informing her that they’d decided to put Lottie on hospice care because of the progression of her cancer. Blair wanted to come home, but her mother convinced her to stay at school until graduation and come home for the summer. Blair now takes her luggage to the guest house at the periphery of Lottie’s mansion. She looks in the mirror and barely recognizes her grief-stricken reflection.
Her phone pings with a reminder of her start date at Ernst and Young, a large consulting firm, in New York City. Blair deferred the job when Lottie’s cancer worsened. Blair worked her entire academic career at Pepperdine for a high-paying job so that she could let her mother retire from working as a cashier in one of Lottie’s convenience stores. Blair assumes her friends from college have better futures than hers: Faye’s married, and Roshi’s starting law school. Blair doesn’t know her next steps, so she decides to head into town to seek a job.
Blair walks to Seabrook Coffee House and asks the blonde teenage girl if they’re hiring. The girl goes into the back of the café to ask the manager, and a man appears from the back. Blair immediately recognizes him as Declan Renshaw. Blair’s stomach drops, but Declan appears unfazed. He looks older than Blair remembers, and he has a slight limp.
Blair calls Roshi and tells her that she saw Declan. Blair hasn’t seen Declan in four years, and the last time they saw each other, Blair said things she regrets. Blair still plans to apply for the job, because she wants closure on her relationship with Declan.
Blair assumed he went to play D1 football somewhere, but now she wonders if the accident was worse than she knew. She goes back to the guest house and gets ready to go for a jog. Blair remembers a moment from six years ago.
In a flashback, Declan asks Blair to help him practice football ahead of their junior year of high school. Declan buys a soft foam football specifically so he can play with Blair. He guides her to play as wide receiver and laughs and calls her cute when the ball hits her in the nose and when she trips trying to catch the ball. Declan says she reminds him of a bird, specifically a blue-footed booby because of her blue Converse shoes. Declan shows her a video of the blue-footed booby bird dancing, and Blair sees texts from Declan’s teammates asking to hang out.
Declan tells her that he’d rather spend time playing football with her than go get burgers with them. Blair’s been friends with Declan for years, but lately she’s begun to realize she’s developing romantic feelings for him and wonders if he feels the same. Before she goes to sleep, she gets a text from Declan that reads, “Good work out there, Little Bird” (30).
Back in the present timeline, Blair goes back to the coffee shop for her job interview after staying up late into the night talking to Lottie and writing down Lottie’s life stories. Declan greets her coldly, calling her Ms. Lang instead of Blair. He asks her the standard interview questions, acting as if he knows nothing about her. Blair’s temper flares and she gives a false version of her life story. He doesn’t call her out for lying and continues with the rehearsed questions, asking what three words her friends would use to describe her. She answers that she’s loyal, flinging a barb at Declan for avoiding and abandoning her. Declan doesn’t respond emotionally and instead asks her for the other two words. Blair claims to be a “direct and concise communicator,” which she knows Declan will know is a lie, as she’s conflict avoidant (36). Declan ends the interview and says he’ll call her soon.
Four years ago, Blair vehemently told Declan that she didn’t need him, and now she’s begging him for a job in the coffee shop he manages, an ironic situation she explains to Roshi and Faye on video call. Faye and Roshi assure her that there’s still a chance Declan gives her the job, since he offered her an interview. Blair tells Faye to look for a package, as she sent her a customized kitchen set as a wedding gift. Faye got engaged to her husband during the spring of senior year, and they got married in France over spring break. Faye is a stay-at-home wife, and Roshi expresses jealousy and asks the others to do her law school homework for her. Roshi awkwardly asks about Lottie, and Blair gives a stilted answer. The trio ends the video call. Blair looks at her lock screen, a screenshot from the film Lady Bird in which the protagonist walks the streets of New York City. Blair grieves the fresh start New York could’ve offered her before going to Lottie’s room.
Blair tells Lottie about seeing Declan, and Lottie encourages her to give Declan a chance to explain why he stopped talking to her, especially in light of his traumatic accident. Blair reflects on the trauma of Lottie’s illness and Lottie’s desire to avoid people seeing her in pain; the night before, Lottie asked her hospice nurse to send Blair away while she helped Lottie shower, as Lottie cried out in pain and didn’t want Blair to hear it.
Blair changes the subject and stays with Lottie before going back to the guest house to sleep. Blair knows she’s been shaped by her life’s circumstances, having a single mother who believes all men will always leave and an absent father. Blair doesn’t believe opening up emotionally is safe and that people will always leave her.
In a flashback, Blair and Declan walk home from school together. Declan gets a text from his father Randall criticizing Declan for how he did his chores, giving him a list of further tasks to do, and telling Declan over and over again how important it is for Declan to lead the Seabrook football team to the championship. Declan feels overwhelmed by his father’s expectations, while Blair feels jealous that he has a father in his life.
Blair tells Declan that his father only asks so much of Declan because he believes in him and tries to remind him that his father cares about him before expressing that she wishes her father cared. Declan tells her that they can talk about her father, and Blair finally opens up. She tells Declan that she remembers hiding under her covers while she heard her father screaming at her mother in the kitchen when Blair was four years old. Her father left, and Blair’s mother packed up their things and drove to Lottie’s house in the middle of the night. Blair slowly realized they weren’t on vacation and now lived with Lottie. Blair’s father never came back for her, and Blair’s mother struggled to find childcare during the summer while she worked at one of Lottie’s stores. When Blair and Declan became friends in elementary school, Blair went to Declan’s house during the summer; Declan never realized why he and Blair spent so much time together in the summers.
Declan thanks Blair for telling him and hugs her before reassuring her that her father is unlucky for missing out on being involved in her life because she’s an amazing person. They hug, and Blair apologizes for oversimplifying Declan’s relationship with his father. She follows up by arguing she’d rather switch places with Declan and have an overbearing father than no father. Declan tells her that his father won’t love him if he doesn’t fulfill his father’s dream of going to an Ivy League college and playing in the NFL and that his father blames him for how much he works to support Declan.
Blair says she feels “evil” for craving her father’s attention when he hurt her mother, and she envies that Declan can “earn” his father’s love by achieving his dream, while Blair will have to work to support her mother without achieving her dream (56). Declan seems emotional but still comforts Blair, and Blair assures Declan she’ll like him even if he doesn’t make it into the NFL. Declan calls her his “favorite” (56).
When Blair returns home after finishing her undergraduate degree at Pepperdine University, she feels uncertain about what coming back to Seabrook means for her personal development, introducing the crucial theme of Returning Home as a Confrontation With Unresolved Versions of the Self. Blair reinvented herself in college, changing herself from an aspiring novel writer to a future economic consultant at a large firm in New York City. Blair feels a disconnect between her past and present selves, physically and emotionally. When she arrives at Lottie’s home, she thinks, “Usually, pulling into the smooth cobblestone driveway of Aunt Lottie’s house feels like exhaling. Today it feels like forgetting how to breathe” (4). Blair’s physical reaction to Lottie’s house illustrates her dread at both encountering Lottie’s mortality in-person and being back in her small town.
Blair always dreamt of leaving Seabrook and being a successful author in a big city, and her return reminds her of the loss of her dreams. She’s moving to New York City, but she’s taken a job she doesn’t love and abandoned her dreams of being a writer. The location of Seabrook reminds Blair of her shortcomings, and when she considers her friends’ post-graduate plans, she thinks, “Their futures are unfurling while mine feels like it’s snapping backward: Freshly moved into a tiny house at the back of a mansion I had no merit in earning, back to square one in my hometown. The irony is jarring. My friends are the mansion. I am the guesthouse” (13). Blair feels inadequate and childish, back in the place she began before her degree, and her direct comparison between the luxury of Lottie’s mansion and the smallness of the guest house illustrates the depth of her insecurity about her future.
Blair’s self-doubt also introduces the theme of The Conflict Between Personal Ambition and Familial Responsibility. Blair takes the consulting job to support her mother and fulfill her dream of moving to New York City and starting over, thinking, “That’s how I always pictured New York would be for me. A clean slate […] A guaranteed way to ensure my mom’s future” (44). Blair seeks a new life as she attempts to avoid the pain of the past, especially surrounding her relationship with Declan. Blair wants to discover who she is outside of the context of Seabrook while still providing financially for her mother, illustrating the connection between Blair’s personal dreams and her feelings of obligation to her family.
Grief as a Catalyst for Reexamining Identity also emerges as an important theme in the early chapters of the novel. Blair describes the moment she learned Lottie’s cancer had progressed: “Two weeks ago I got the call. If you’ve ever gotten ‘the call’ in your life, you’ll unfortunately know what I mean. The one that creates a before and after in your story, bookending each side” (8). Blair feels transformed by her pain, as if her entire life became upended the moment that she knew about the imminence of Lottie’s death. Blair has to face herself and her future in a world without Lottie. Lottie serves as a grounding force for both Blair and her mother, and Blair isn’t sure who she is without Lottie’s presence and influence. Blair begins to view the growing grief within her as an inextricable part of her emotional state, and much of Blair’s character arc in the following chapters involves learning to accept and cope with her grief.



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