Thales is an injured Englishman who chooses to leave the corruption of London to live as a hermit in the Welsh countryside. Disgusted by the city's vice and materialism, he represents the virtuous patriot who values honesty over ill-gotten wealth. He delivers a passionate farewell speech criticizing the moral decay surrounding him and firmly rejecting the political climate.

The unnamed narrator of the poem is a loyal companion who remains behind in London. He is torn between sorrow at losing his friend and admiration for the decision to escape the city's indignities. Sharing conservative views, the speaker sets the scene and introduces the central tension between urban vice and rural virtue.

Orgilio is a wealthy racketeer whose lavish marble palace symbolizes the peak of dishonesty in London. As a powerful public figure, he enjoys the protection of the city's elite, who would eagerly rebuild his home with public funds if it ever burned down. He embodies the destructive culture that drives virtuous men away from the city.

Referred to thinly as an initialed name in the text, John Henley is a cleric and government-mouthpiece orator known for including vulgar jokes in his speeches. He represents the degraded state of intellectual and religious discourse in the city. He eagerly panders to the establishment for political favor and financial reward.

Balbo is a bumbling stock character who receives undue praise for his fine speeches. Like Orgilio, he serves as an example of London's inverted moral order. In the city, fawning sycophants treat a foolish speaker like a king while genuine merit is actively ignored.