Thomas Shadwell is a playwright and poet selected to inherit a throne defined by dullness. Characterized by his total inability to make sense, he produces repetitive, mechanical verse that spreads obscuring darkness across the literary culture. He rules over a domain built on second-rate poetry and is crowned with sleep-inducing poppies and a mug of potent ale.

Richard Flecknoe is the weary, aged king of a literary dystopia based on poor aesthetics and dullness. Recognizing his long reign is ending, he seeks an heir who perfectly matches his own poetic ineptitude. He views himself as a prophet preparing the way for his son, ultimately passing down his mantle during a dramatic trapdoor exit.

Bruce is a one-dimensional character drawn directly from Shadwell's comedy *The Virtuoso*. Governed entirely by his assigned comedic humor, he physically manifests the absurd logic of Shadwell's writing by dropping the former king through the floorboards without clear motivation.

Longvil is another character lifted directly from Shadwell's plays who materializes in the real world of the mock-epic. Bound by his simplistic, one-note characterization, he acts without logical reason to abruptly end Flecknoe's royal address, proving that nonsense has entirely taken over the environment.

Ben Jonson is a respected historical playwright representing the pinnacle of artistic achievement and strong verse. He stands as the gold standard of comedy and wit, representing the rational, polished literary tradition that the ruling class of dullness actively rejects and fails to replicate.

Henry Herringman is a contemporary publisher operating in London. In the mock-epic coronation sequence, he commands the guard as the new king proceeds through streets heavily lined with soiled, discarded poetry.

Thomas Dekker is an older, prolific playwright whose legacy is tied to the physical location of the nursery where young actors and punks train. He acts as a prophetic voice predicting the eventual reign of a monarch sworn to wage war on wit and sense.

John Ogilby is a poet and translator whose neglected works are used as pastry liners and toilet paper by the public. Within the royal family of nonsense, he serves as an inspirational uncle figure meant to raise the new king's envy and ambition.