A highly adaptable, sanguine housekeeper left in charge of an estate during a plague outbreak. Recognizing an opportunity for profit, he organizes a criminal enterprise with two partners, adopting various personas to lure ambitious, greedy Londoners into their traps. He acts as the fast-talking salesman of the group, easily reading his targets' psychological weaknesses.

A choleric, easily angered con artist who assumes the role of a mystical alchemist and fortune-teller. Operating out of a temporarily abandoned house, he uses dense pseudo-scientific jargon to convince marks he can summon spirits and produce the philosopher's stone. He represents the illusory promise of magic that corrupts the play's targets.

A pragmatic, intelligent sex worker who serves as the stabilizing force for the trio of criminals. She enthusiastically participates in their deceptions by adopting various personas, ranging from an erratic noblewoman to a fairy queen, manipulating the lust and awe of their marks. She prevents her partners' egos from destroying their lucrative operation.

A foolish, exceptionally gullible clerk who becomes one of the fraud ring's first victims. Driven by a desire for unearned wealth, he enthusiastically follows bizarre, humiliating instructions after being told he is favored by the Queen of Fairy.

A pessimistic, conflict-avoidant merchant who seeks supernatural guidance to ensure commercial success. Lacking confidence in his own business acumen, he pays eagerly for fake horoscopes and quickly devolves into an errand boy for the scammers.

A gluttonous, intensely greedy knight obsessed with securing the mythical philosopher's stone. Blinded by lust and material ambition, he imagines using the artifact to attain endless sensual gratification, making him an easy target for alchemical fraudsters.

A cynical, combative servant who instantly recognizes the alchemy operation as a scam. Unlike his gullible employer, he actively questions the criminals' logic and sets out to expose their operation, though his aggressive temperament often limits his effectiveness.

An Anabaptist deacon who initially condemns alchemy as profane and unholy. However, his supposed moral outrage quickly evaporates when presented with an opportunity for massive financial gain, revealing deep-seated hypocrisy.

An Anabaptist elder highly focused on expanding his congregation's wealth and influence. He eagerly ignores the questionable ethics of the criminals' operation, hoping to harness supernatural power for his own institutional gain.

A volatile, short-tempered young man who desperately wants to elevate his social status by mastering the art of rhetorical combat. He exercises strict, often abusive control over his wealthy sister, treating her marital prospects as a tool for his own advancement.

A young, wealthy, and highly passive 19-year-old widow. Treated entirely as a financial asset by the men around her, she exercises almost no personal agency, easily bending to the demands and threats of her brother and assorted suitors.

An easygoing property owner who temporarily abandoned his London estate to avoid the plague. He possesses a deep appreciation for clever jokes and practical trickery, qualities that shape his reaction when he discovers the chaotic state of his household.