The unnamed elementary school girl serves as a pragmatic guide to her town and the annual Christmas pageant. She observes the hypocrisies of the adults around her while maintaining a healthy fear of the unruly Herdmans. Unlike her rigidly pious peers, she remains open to reconsidering her views on the misbehaving children once rehearsals begin.

A responsible parent who reluctantly steps in to direct the town's Christmas pageant. She initially views the event as a tedious routine to be managed. When the notoriously awful Herdmans hijack the main roles, she stubbornly commits to making it the best pageant ever despite town-wide skepticism.

The oldest Herdman girl survives a neglected home life through sheer aggression. She bullies her classmates, smokes cigars, and fights fiercely with her five siblings. When she claims the role of Mary in the Christmas pageant, she approaches the biblical figure with a rough, highly protective instinct.

A pristine elementary school student who historically dominates the role of Mary in the annual pageant. She possesses a highly rigid view of religion and propriety. During rehearsals, she diligently tracks the Herdmans' misbehavior in a notebook to report them to the adults.

The narrator's younger brother finds Sunday school to be his only safe haven from weekday bullying. He inadvertently invites the Herdmans to church by bragging about the free snacks. He approaches the pageant with heavy reluctance.

A practical man who views the annual Christmas pageant as a massive inconvenience. He protests attending the event every year, openly suggesting they show travel movies instead. He occasionally shares the Herdmans' pragmatic perspective on the logistics of the biblical story.

The oldest Herdman boy joins his siblings in terrorizing the local children. He volunteers for the role of Joseph in the pageant. He treats the script with intense seriousness once he learns the details, sharing his siblings' shock over the story's villains.

A tough boy who regularly steals desserts at school. He claims the role of a Wise Man in the pageant. His natural skepticism makes him suspect the biblical figures might have betrayed the Holy Family for a financial reward.

One of the middle Herdman brothers who volunteers to play a Wise Man. He possesses zero context for religious traditions, asking basic questions during rehearsals because he genuinely does not understand what an inn is.

Another of the Herdman brothers cast as a Wise Man. He approaches the Christmas story with complete ignorance. He requires explanations for basic concepts like what a shepherd actually does.

The youngest Herdman child absorbs the aggressive behaviors of her older siblings. She plays the Angel of the Lord in the pageant. She interprets her divine role as a loud messenger who forcefully shouts at the terrified shepherds.

The traditional organizer of the Christmas pageant. Even from her recovery bed, she attempts to micromanage the event. She patronizes the new director with rigid instructions on how things must be done.

The local minister who oversees the church congregation. He worries about the chaos the Herdmans bring to the sanctuary. He briefly considers canceling the pageant before deciding to proceed.

The absentee mother of the six Herdman children. She works long shifts at the local shoe factory rather than parent her children. Her ongoing absence forces the kids to raise themselves on the streets.

Alice's mother, who shares her daughter's rigid view of propriety. She eagerly receives notes about the blasphemous environment of the rehearsals. She calls other church members to complain about the chaotic state of the pageant.

A one-eyed, short-legged feral creature that guards the Herdman yard. It acts so aggressively that the local mail carrier refuses to approach the property. Claude once brought it to a classroom event with disastrous results.

The local librarian who provides reference materials to the town. She prepares herself for immediate retirement when Imogene surprisingly asks to read books about Jesus.

The Sunday school superintendent. He officially kicks off the pageant season at the church by announcing the upcoming rehearsals.

A church member who catches the scent of cigar smoke in the women's restroom. She promptly calls the fire department, causing an evacuation during rehearsal.

A social worker investigating the Herdman household. She learns firsthand from Mrs. Herdman that the mother prefers factory work to spending time with her children.

A local townsperson whose decrepit toolhouse is accidentally burned down by the Herdmans when they play with a stolen chemistry set.