The Hidden Life of Cecily Larson

The narrative shifts to the spring of 1935. Aboard the financially struggling Sax & Tebow circus train, nearly 15-year-old Cecily watches from the caboose as a young man with a knapsack hops onto a flatcar. After a photographer gives Cecily a camera, she takes pictures of the roustabouts setting up the tents and sees the same young man, whose skin is the “color of an old penny” (163), working with a crew. She secretly photographs him.

On May 8th, in Springfield, Ohio, the young man saves Cecily from a snake, calming her pony, Prince. As he leaves, he drops a folded piece of paper. Cecily retrieves it and finds a Memphis address for an aunt and a handwritten question about how one knows when they belong. Cecily becomes determined to return the note but struggles to find an opportunity, feeling increasingly isolated as her mentor, Isabelle, grows distant.

In Hannibal, Missouri, a horse groom named Janey breaks her ankle while leading Doc down the ramp out of the train. Cecily seizes the chance and finds the young man in the woods. She returns his note, and he introduces himself as Moses Washington Green, though people call him Lucky. She tells him her real name is Cecily and urges him to see Tebow about Janey’s job. He is hired as the new groom for the show horses, much to Cecily’s delight and Isabelle’s displeasure.

In Itasca, Minnesota, on March 6, 2015, Molly meets with her ex-husband, Evan Bouchard, to discuss custody of their son, Caden. Evan has been in town for two weeks, reconnecting with Caden after his hockey team’s season ended. He argues Caden needs his father and proposes that their son split his time between Itasca and Newport, Rhode Island. Molly refuses, insisting Caden’s life is in Minnesota. The argument grows personal, with Evan accusing Molly of making a mistake when she left him after her father’s death and took Caden with her. He brings up their shared grief over past miscarriages and insists she must fix the situation.

Meanwhile, Liz is visiting her own mother, Cecily, who is now at The Pines rehabilitation center. Liz receives a call from her doctor, who informs her that her biopsy was positive for breast cancer. Shaken, Liz tries to hide the news from Cecily, but her distress is apparent. Cecily, sensing something is wrong, quotes Isabelle aloud to her daughter: “A person has to make her own luck” (180). Liz becomes emotional, and Cecily fears that her daughter has somehow discovered the secrets she has kept for decades. She feels a pang of regret for her silence but remains terrified of what the truth would do to her family.

In the summer of 1935, Isabelle’s animosity toward Lucky grows, and tensions escalate when Tebow, threatens to make Cecily the headliner over Isabelle. During this time, Cecily and Lucky begin to talk privately in the stable tent. He tells her he is a poet from Alabama who left home at 11 and lived in Harlem. He shares memories of his grandmother’s 15-layer cakes, a symbol of love that deeply moves Cecily.

Then, Tebow decides Cecily must join Isabelle’s act in a dangerous stunt where Cecily stands on Isabelle’s shoulders atop a cantering horse. At the end of a grueling rehearsal, Isabelle counts to three and pushes Cecily off, and Cecily lands hard, jarring her knees. Later after Lucky sees the rehearsal, he and Cecily begin writing a poem together about a fearless girl who is devoted to the wrong people. When Cecily asks what would happen if the girl found someone who deserved her love, with a warning Lucky turns away. Secretly, Cecily finds a fragment of his writing in his notebook: “Exquisite / Bittersweet / Would I give my life to reach you?” (190).

In March 2015, Clarissa is in Kure Beach, haunted by the memory of her daughter Kate’s secret pregnancy. A flashback reveals that in late 1972, after a 15-year-old Kate was raped, Kate came to Clarissa just before Christmas to confirm the pregnancy. Clarissa then arranged to send Kate to a friend’s farm in Oregon, where she gave birth on June 1, 1973. Clarissa was present when her grandson was born but insisted Kate give him up for adoption, believing she was saving Kate’s future. In the present, Clarissa fears the DNA tests will uncover this secret and derail Kate’s fragile sobriety.

Kate, staying with Clarissa, struggles to remain sober while awaiting the test results. She finds herself thinking of her estranged father, Clayburn Montgomery, and looks him up on Facebook. She discovers a photo of his happy, thriving family, which deepens her sense of loss. She realizes her entire acting career might have been an unconscious attempt to be seen by him or by the son she gave away.

Overwhelmed, Kate breaks down during a phone session with her therapist. Following her therapist’s advice to stay busy, Kate immerses herself in cooking and baking. One night, after a nightmare, she is comforted by Clarissa. The moment fosters a new sense of hope in Kate, who resolves to buy a therapy horse when she returns to Florida. She is tired of secrets and hopes the DNA results will finally bring everything into the open.

On July 3, 1935, in Ashland, Wisconsin, Cecily and Lucky begin exchanging notes. During practice, Cecily tweaks her knee when Wyatt shifts as she tries to leap onto his back; on a second attempt Wyatt steps aside entirely and she falls hard, injuring her wrist and knee badly. Tebow orders Lucky to take care of her, and Lucky carries her through the rain to the parade. The physical closeness ignites a new feeling in Cecily.

The next evening, July 4th, they watch fireworks from the roof of the caboose. Lucky warns her that Isabelle is dangerous; he overheard Tebow tell Isabelle that Cole Brothers made an offer to buy Sax & Tebow, that Tebow is haggling for better terms, and that Cole Brothers wants Cecily but not Isabelle, as they don’t need two bareback acts. Cecily dismisses the warning, unable to believe Isabelle would harm her. As they hold hands, she confesses her feelings for him. He initially resists, reminding her of the danger, but ultimately admits he loves her, and they share their first kiss.

In May 1946, Cecily sits in a Providence café with Sam Larson, the doctor she met at the sanatorium. She is crying as she tells him she truly loved Lucky and was naive to the harm their relationship could cause. Sam, who has loved Cecily for years, is desperate to comfort her. The narrative flashes back to his repeated marriage proposals. He first asked in 1941 after she was discharged, but she refused, not wanting to be a “sick wife.” After the attack on Pearl Harbor and when Sam enlisted, she refused again, citing the uncertain future. During the war, she wrote him letters confessing to affairs with other men, urging him to forget her, though he never could. Back in the present, Cecily tells a pained Sam that this history is the reason she can never marry him.

In mid-July 1935, the circus workers are suddenly paid in full, ending the IOU system and sparking rumors that Tebow sold the circus, which he denies. After their kiss, Lucky becomes distant, telling Cecily their relationship could get them killed. Heartbroken, she confronts him, arguing that life is for living, not just surviving. The next day, she fears he has left for good, but she finds a note from him with a Langston Hughes poem, and they resume their secret conversations.

In Kenosha, Cecily tells Lucky she doesn’t care if loving him makes her a fool. Moved, he confesses that he loves her and thinks of her constantly. Echoing a line from a Wallace Stevens poem they have both been quoting, she asks him to imagine how things would be if he could have them any way he wanted. He follows her into the privacy of her caboose.

On Friday, March 13, 2015, Molly returns home to find her son, Caden, angry with her for resisting his father’s plan for him to spend the summer in Newport. Evan has been gone for a week and has not called Molly to continue their custody discussion, leaving her anxious.

Meanwhile, Liz spends her time at her potter’s wheel, obsessing over her cancer diagnosis and her upcoming MRI. She resolves not to tell her mother, Cecily, about her illness. The next day at The Pines, Liz asks Cecily to share stories from her youth. Cecily, pale and in pain, responds sharply, saying, “Young and happy don’t always happen at the same time” (228).

In August 1935, Cecily and Lucky carry on a secret affair for three weeks, meeting in her caboose at night. Their time together ends when Tebow announces that the former groom, Janey, has recovered from her broken ankle and is returning. Lucky is reassigned to the roustabout crew and ordered to stop helping Cecily.

Despite being apart from him, Cecily finds a note from Lucky in Prince’s bridle. Then, after three days of silence from Lucky, his crew members tell Cecily he has left the circus. She is devastated but thinks of the note he wrote containing a list of four words: “Animosity. Perspicacity. Preemptive. Bittersweet” (231). From this, she concludes that he was warned of a threat and left to protect them. Convinced he will return for her, she begins saving money and packs a small suitcase.

Soon after, Cecily experiences morning sickness and realizes she is pregnant. Isabelle confronts her, and Cecily lies, blaming a random boy in Wisconsin. Isabelle gets a knitting needle, intending for Cecily to perform an abortion on herself. When Cecily refuses, Isabelle deduces that Lucky is the father and furiously disowns her. The next morning in Asheville, North Carolina, a police officer, called by Isabelle and Tebow, arrests Cecily and takes her to jail where the sheriff threatens her. Alone in her cell, Cecily resolves to be strong for her unborn child, whom she decides to name Thomas Moses, or Tommy. She prays to Saint Jude to keep them safe and help them find Lucky.