A 21-year-old acting as the narrator of his family's chaotic history. He attempts to take on the role of the man of the house while his father is away, volunteering to investigate strange noises while wrapped only in a bath towel. Despite his efforts to apply logic to the situation, he frequently gets swept up in his family's shared paranoia.

The highly excitable mother of the Thurber boys. She possesses a nervous disposition and is quick to jump to conclusions, immediately assuming the house is filled with burglars. Her impulsive nature drives the escalation of the night's events, from refusing to let her son downstairs to coming up with eccentric ways to alert the neighbors.

The elderly patriarch of the family who occupies the attic bedroom. He is prone to severe confusion and frequently believes he is still fighting alongside General Meade's men in the Civil War. His presence adds a layer of historical delusion to the household, as he treats modern situations like 19th-century military engagements.

One of the Thurber brothers living in the family home. He exhibits intense external anxiety and fear when woken by his brother to listen to the mysterious footsteps. Rather than investigate the potential burglar, he chooses to stay behind, using their mother's excitability as a convenient excuse to avoid danger.

A neighbor of the Thurber family. Like many members of their local community, he experiences mild attacks of rage and panic. Though initially furious about the damage to his property, he eventually calms down enough to assist the Thurbers by calling the police on their behalf.

The wife of Mr. Bodwell. She lives next door to the Thurber family and is unexpectedly drawn into their late-night panic when a shoe crashes through her window.

The patriarch of the immediate Thurber family who is currently traveling in Indianapolis. His physical absence leaves the family feeling vulnerable and directly contributes to the paranoia that sweeps through the house when the strange noises begin.

One of the Thurber brothers. He is in Indianapolis during the events of the story, though Young James Thurber initially hopes the late-night footsteps belong to him returning home early.