A 43-year-old sportswriter living alone after his recent divorce. He is highly sociable and generous but deeply irresponsible with money and household cleanliness. His sloppy lifestyle and casual attitude toward financial obligations mask a deep fear of living in isolation.

A news writer whose life is upended by an impending divorce. He is highly neurotic, obsessed with cleanliness, and deeply attached to his family. While his fastidious nature is driven by anxiety and a desire to care for others, his controlling habits often alienate the people closest to him.

One of Oscar and Felix's regular poker buddies. He uses the weekly poker game as an escape from his unhappy marriage and nagging wife. He is sympathetic to Felix's distress and genuinely enjoys the improved food when Felix takes over the hosting duties.

Oscar's accountant and a regular at the Friday night poker games. He is a practical man who tries to impress upon Oscar the legal severity of his unpaid child support. He prefers the messy, relaxed atmosphere of Oscar's original apartment and intensely dislikes Felix's sterile cleaning habits.

A focused and impatient member of the weekly poker group. He has little tolerance for anything that delays the game, whether it is Oscar's moldy food or Felix's overzealous hospitality and air filtration.

A mild-mannered member of the poker group who is constantly anxious about upsetting his wife. He keeps strict curfews and is highly submissive to his partner's schedule, making him deeply appreciative of the high-quality food Felix begins preparing.

A widow who lives in the apartment directly above Oscar. She is bubbly and surprisingly receptive to Felix's emotional breakdowns. She and her sister provide a cheerful contrast to the cynical men of the poker group.

A divorcee sharing an apartment with her sister Gwendolyn. Like her sister, she is deeply moved by Felix's open weeping and fragility, demonstrating a maternal desire to comfort and care for him during his emotional distress.

Oscar's ex-wife who is forced to continuously hound him for money. Though she does not appear on stage, her frustrated phone calls highlight Oscar's unreliability and the genuine consequences of his careless lifestyle.

Felix's ex-wife. After enduring twelve years of Felix's extreme neuroses, hypochondria, and controlling habits, she finally asks for a divorce. Her decision sets the play's events in motion and forces Felix to confront his flaws.