Jack is a 50-year-old professor and the chairman of the Hitler studies department at College-on-the-Hill, a field he invented to bolster his academic persona. He lives with his fourth wife, Babette, and their blended family in the fictional town of Blacksmith. Despite his comfortable suburban routine and academic prestige, he harbors a paralyzing fear of his own death. He finds fleeting solace in consumerist rituals and deeply loves his family.

Babette is Jack's fourth wife, a homemaker who teaches classes on posture and nutrition to the elderly. Jack reveres her for her sturdy demeanor and apparent lack of secrets, contrasting her sharply with his ex-wives. She is deeply devoted to the family's four resident children, reserving a special affection for two-year-old Wilder.

Murray is a professor in the popular culture department at College-on-the-Hill. An ex-sportswriter from New York, he views modern American life, particularly consumerism and television, as having profound aesthetic and spiritual significance. He seeks to build a field of academic study around Elvis Presley, hoping to emulate Jack's success.

Willie is a project manager at a pharmaceutical company. He possesses an intense professional interest in psychopharmaceutical chemicals and the isolation of specific human fears. Operating out of a run-down motel room, his work heavily involves advanced drug delivery systems designed to target particular parts of the brain.

Heinrich is Jack's 14-year-old son from his previous marriage to Janet Savory. Highly analytical, prematurely balding, and inherently skeptical, he frequently debates his father about the elusive nature of truth and sensory perception. Despite questioning his own senses, he readily accepts information broadcast by the radio or television.

Denise is Babette's 11-year-old daughter from her marriage to Bob Pardee. Sharp, observant, and occasionally bossy, she is highly critical of her mother's nutritional and personal habits. She frequently reads the Physicians' Desk Reference and monitors the household's routines.

Steffie is Jack's nine-year-old daughter from his marriage to Dana Breedlove. She is the most sensitive of the Gladney children, possessing a vast capacity for secondary embarrassment when watching people on television. She frequently listens to the radio and willingly participates in local emergency simulations.

Wilder is Babette's two-year-old son from a previous marriage. He rarely speaks, prompting mild worry from Jack about his development, but his presence acts as a grounding force for the family. He possesses an innocent nature that insulates him from the anxieties plaguing the older family members.

Winnie is a highly respected but habitually evasive research neuro-chemist at the college. She is tall, lanky, and tends to walk rapidly across campus to avoid social contact. She holds a pragmatic, evolutionary view of human fears and assists Jack with scientific inquiries.

Vernon is Babette's father, an aging widower. Despite a hacking cough, a limp, and a smoking habit, he remains unbothered by thoughts of mortality, believing firmly that the mind fails before the body.

Alphonse is the imposing chairman of the popular culture department at College-on-the-Hill. He believes that the deluge of television signals has a numbing effect on viewers, necessitating increasingly shocking disaster footage to capture their attention.

Sister Hermann Marie is a German nun working in a medical facility. She maintains a strictly pragmatic approach to faith, providing a blunt perspective on theology and belief systems to the patients she treats.

Bee is Jack's 12-year-old daughter with his ex-wife Tweedy Browner. She travels extensively due to her mother's marriage to a deep-cover spy. During visits to Blacksmith, her quiet observation makes the rest of the Gladney family self-conscious about their daily habits.

Tweedy is one of Jack's ex-wives and the mother of Bee. She is married to Malcolm Hunt, a deep-cover spy. Like Jack's other former spouses, she maintains ties to clandestine operations.

Dana is Jack's ex-wife, whom he married and divorced twice. She is the mother of Steffie and Mary Alice. Dana works as a contractor for the CIA and tends to involve her household in complex domestic schemes.

Janet is Jack's ex-wife and Heinrich's mother. Formerly employed by a clandestine think tank, she has since rechristened herself "Mother Devi" and relocated to an ashram in Montana.

Bob is Babette's ex-husband and the father of Denise. He maintains contact with his daughter and visits the Blacksmith area occasionally to take the children out to dinner.

Howard is a former chiropractor who works as a German language instructor. Jack hires him in secret to prepare for an upcoming Hitler studies conference, hoping to conceal his inability to speak the language.

Orest is a friend of Heinrich's who trains relentlessly to break a world record for spending time in a cage with poisonous snakes. He claims to have no fear of dying from a bite.

Tommy is a convicted mass murderer serving time in Iron City. He plays chess by mail with Heinrich and regrets that he did not commit an assassination to garner more media attention.