“I’m the kind of girl who’s down for whatever, but I really need you to walk me through everything step-by-step. I know I’m a nurse but I’m not this kind of nurse. Explain it to me like I’m five.”

This quote provides a direct script for advocating for your own communication needs with your medical team. The lesson is to be explicit about how you best process information so that you can understand proposed procedures and participate in decisions. Telling providers whether you prefer simple, detailed, or visual explanations helps them communicate in a way that supports informed consent.

“‘I can see what she wants,’ she said, motioning to Pawn Star over there on the couch, ‘but I’m here to help you get exactly what you need. You just tell me and it’s yours.’”

This quote, from a nurse to her patient Alice, shows how a supportive advocate prioritizes the birthing person’s expressed needs. When choosing your support team for labor, select people who will listen to your preferences, reinforce your decisions, and help protect you from unwanted pressure. Discussing these expectations before labor can help each person understand their role in supporting you.

“Everyone needs to feel needed. Show them how much you need them.”

This advice captures a key strategy for managing well-intentioned but overwhelming support people. Give them a specific responsibility, such as timing contractions, helping you change positions, or communicating with visitors. Providing a clear role channels their energy into support that reflects your needs and helps create a calmer birth environment.

“As a nurse, making sure my patients are in the most medically safe environment possible is always at the forefront of my mind. But I’ve also learned that no one can feel that they’re making medically safe decisions in an environment where they don’t first feel emotionally safe.”

This quote explains that emotional safety helps people participate more confidently in medical decisions. Feeling listened to, respected, and supported can make it easier to ask questions, consider options, and communicate concerns during labor. Building a trusting relationship with your care team can therefore support informed decision-making throughout the birth experience.

“The patient needs to understand what the intervention is; how it is done; the risks, benefits, and alternatives; and the potential outcomes. Only with that knowledge can they choose to accept or decline the intervention. Patients have the right to decline the intervention, or to withdraw consent. The patient must be able to comprehend what is being proposed and then make their decision voluntarily, without pressure or coercion.”

This quote explains informed consent as an ongoing conversation throughout labor. Before agreeing to an intervention, ask what it involves, why it’s being recommended, its benefits and risks, the available alternatives, and what may happen if you choose to wait or decline. Having this information helps you participate in decisions with a clear understanding of your options and without pressure or coercion.

“Adaptability doesn’t mean tossing all the elements of your dream birth to the side; it means holding them with open hands while protecting the values you hold closest. It means being ready to adapt to new information with intention, purpose, and clarity rather than panic when things change.”

Unexpected changes during labor don’t have to replace the values that matter most to you. Keeping those priorities in mind makes it easier to adjust your birth plan as new information becomes available. A Birth Vibes Profile helps communicate those priorities to your care team so that they can continue to support your preferences throughout labor.

“Strength doesn’t always lie in stoicism. Sometimes, it’s in letting go. In asking for someone to hold your hand. In realizing your pain tolerance has nothing to do with bravery, and everything to do with what’s happening around you—with who’s around you.”

The people around you and the environment you create can shape how you experience labor. Choose support people who help you feel safe, listened to, and encouraged, and let them know what kind of support you need. Comfort measures, emotional reassurance, or small changes to the environment can make labor feel more manageable.

“You do not owe me your trust. I hope to earn it today. But even if I never do, I promise to do everything in my power to be who you need me to be.”

Trust develops through respectful communication and consistent care. If past trauma, cultural experiences, or previous interactions with the healthcare system affect how you feel during labor, sharing that information can help your care team understand your needs and tailor their approach. Acknowledging those experiences and responding with respect helps create a more supportive birth experience.

“Anaya, the first thing I want you to know is that I won’t let anyone do anything to you, only for you. And I won’t let anyone do anything without your permission. I know C-sections can make anyone feel powerless, like you’re surrendering to people you just met. But the great thing about today is that we have the benefit of time. Nothing is an emergency. We can take things slow. And you get to let me know when you are ready for the next step. You get to take the lead.”

This conversation demonstrates how informed consent can continue throughout a medical procedure. Giving the patient time to ask questions, decide when to proceed, and give permission for each step helps them remain involved in their care. Approaching treatment as a collaborative process can help preserve a sense of control during a planned C-section.

“Fear doesn’t mean that you aren’t strong. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t ready. It doesn’t even mean that something is wrong. It just means that you’re standing at the edge of something big. Don’t hold that fear in. Share it. Speak it.”

Feeling afraid before or during labor is a common response to a major life event. Sharing those fears with your care team or support people gives them an opportunity to provide reassurance, answer questions, and respond to your individual needs. Open communication can help you feel more supported throughout the birth experience.

“If you don’t understand why a certain decision was made by your provider or why something happened the way it did, you’re not being ‘too much’ by trying to figure out why. To be clear, closure does not mean making everything perfect in your mind. It just means making sure that your story is complete.”

Questions about your birth experience can remain long after delivery. Asking your nurse, doctor, or midwife to review what happened and explain why decisions were made can help you better understand the sequence of events. A post-birth debrief can fill in unanswered questions and provide a clearer understanding of your birth experience.

“Many people come into the hospital expecting their doctor or midwife to be their primary guide, but it’s often the nurse who is with them most. While doctors and midwives certainly play important roles, they are also overseeing multiple patients at once and might not be at your side as consistently as you would anticipate.”

This quote encourages readers to view their nurse as an important source of support and information throughout labor. Building rapport from the moment you arrive and sharing your Birth Vibes Profile can help your nurse understand your preferences and support you throughout your birth experience.

“If you happen to find yourself in a situation where you have a nurse or provider who you don’t believe is listening to you or just isn’t a great fit, please know that you do not have to suck it up and stay in a situation that’s not working for you in this deeply important and intense moment.”

This passage encourages readers to advocate for a change in their care team if they feel unsupported or unheard. The author emphasizes that emotional safety is an important part of the birth experience. If your nurse’s style isn’t working for you, use one of the book’s scripts to speak with the charge nurse and request someone whose skills or communication style better aligns with your needs.

“It’s important to know that you have both the legal and ethical right to refuse any treatment or procedure that doesn’t feel safe to you. You also have the right to request further care or intervention that you aren’t getting.”

This statement reminds readers that informed consent includes the right to participate in decisions about their care. The author encourages readers to ask questions, discuss available alternatives, and decline or request interventions when appropriate.

“From what I have observed, absolutely counting out any chance of needing medication for pain can cause grief and trauma if something unexpected comes up that does require you to pivot from your intended plan.”

The author encourages readers to prepare for a range of pain-management options before labor begins. Considering medication as one possible tool can make it easier to adjust your birth plan if circumstances change. This flexibility may help readers approach unexpected developments with greater confidence and less disappointment.

“Nitrous oxide was never intended to take pain away—it doesn’t have the capacity to do that—but it does do a great job of dissociating you from the pain. It can help with anxiety by relaxing both your body and your mind.”

The author explains that understanding what a pain-management option is designed to do can help readers decide whether it meets their needs. This quote reframes nitrous oxide not as a painkiller but as a tool for managing the anxiety and mental distress of labor. By setting realistic expectations—that it will help you cope by creating distance from the pain rather than eliminating it—you can make an informed decision about whether it’s the right tool for you at that moment.

“Always remember that your health-care providers are your tour guides, but you are the driver. No one is there to do anything to you, only for you and your baby, and with your consent.”

The author uses the image of a driver and tour guide to illustrate the partnership between patients and their healthcare providers. Readers are encouraged to ask questions, consider the information they receive, and participate in decisions about their care. This approach reflects the book’s emphasis on informed consent as an ongoing conversation throughout labor.

“I’ve stated this before, but I can’t put it out there enough times: It’s important to know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do: even if your provider suggests induction. This is why it’s so important to be working with a team you trust.”

The author reminds readers that informed consent applies to every recommendation, including induction. It frames informed consent not just as a choice but as a foundational element of a trusting patient-provider relationship, empowering the birthing person to make decisions aligned with their own needs and values.

“Your goal in these pages is to prepare for the birth you don’t want, just as much as for the one you do. That way, if you find yourself in an unexpected situation, you can approach it empowered and with less fear.”

The author establishes a core principle of proactive preparation. Rather than rigid adherence to a single “plan,” empowerment comes from understanding all potential paths. This redefines “preparation” from ‘”scripting an outcome” to “building the resilience to handle any outcome,” which is central to preventing birth trauma when reality diverges from expectations. Throughout the book, this preparation is presented as a way to help readers approach changing circumstances with greater confidence.

“It’s not that I want to rewrite anyone’s story, but the words we use to describe our past experiences can cause memories to be bathed in negativity or trauma—and ‘emergency’ can be one of those words.”

The author encourages readers to think carefully about the language they use when reflecting on their birth experience. Using terms that accurately describe what happened can help readers process their experience and understand the reasons behind the care they received. The discussion of “unscheduled” and “emergency” C-sections illustrates how language can influence the way a birth story is remembered.

“If something does feel sharp, I want you to remember one word: STOP. This word is powerful and will get you the help you need to tolerate the C-section.”

The author gives readers a simple way to communicate if they feel pain during a C-section. Saying “STOP” alerts the surgical team that additional pain relief or assessment may be needed before the procedure continues. This practical advice encourages readers to speak up if something doesn’t feel right during surgery.

“Understanding the why behind common complications can turn fear into peace (or, at the very least, pragmatism) during a scary moment.”

The author encourages readers to learn about possible complications before labor begins. Understanding why an intervention may become necessary can make unexpected situations easier to follow and provide context for the decisions made by the care team. Throughout the book, information is presented as a way to help readers approach unexpected developments with greater confidence.

“It’s less about which is the best or safer option, and more about which of these options is the best and safest for the pregnant friend in question.”

The author encourages readers to consider medical decisions within the context of their own circumstances. Discussions about VBAC and repeat C-sections should take into account each person’s medical history and preferences and the advice of their healthcare team. Throughout the book, informed decision-making focuses on understanding the available options and choosing the approach that best fits the individual situation.