Me (Moth)

Amber McBride

45 pages 1-hour read

Amber McBride

Me (Moth)

Fiction | Novel/Book in Verse | YA | Published in 2021

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Symbols & Motifs

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of death.

Dance

Dance is a symbol of self-expression and joy, closely tied to the text’s exploration of The Enduring Nature of Grief when Moth gives it up. Before the car accident that claimed Moth’s parents’ and brother’s lives, Moth loved to dance. She and her mom would spend weekends traveling “to the best dance studios / so I could flutter my wings & sprinkle / dust on everything, so I could dance / strong, like Misty Copeland” (8). Dancing made Moth feel alive and like her truest self. In the two years since the accident, however, Moth “gave up movement / so sometimes I feel less alive” (9). 


Giving up dance is a way for Moth to atone for her family’s deaths, having convinced herself that her zest for life directly correlates to her family’s deaths in the accident. She refuses to keep dancing because she feels it is evidence of her greed for life. She later returns to dance when she and Sani develop their relationship, drive cross country, and go camping. This dance enlivens Moth, reminding her what it feels like to enjoy her life and body. Dance also connects her to her Hoodoo customs, and thus to her late grandfather. She has tried to forget these parts of her ancestry as another way to stave off her sorrow over losing her family.

Music

References to, descriptions of, and scenes featuring music abound throughout the novel, acting as a motif that represents the theme of Cultural inheritance as a Form of Self-Recognition.


Before Sani’s dad became distant, before his mom left, and before he moved away from New Mexico, Sani used to sing and write songs and play the guitar almost constantly. Ever since this familial upheaval, Sani has found it harder to engage with this artistic passion. Moth similarly has difficulty connecting with her love for music, mainly articulated through her and Zachary’s former tradition of writing a song each summer.


After Moth and Sani become friends, they rediscover their love for music and the power of music to connect them to their respective ancestries and their absent loved ones. Over the course of the road trip from Virginia to New Mexico, they write a collaborative song, which they also title “Summer Song.” This song is an expression of their connection, their rediscovered ancestral roots, their suffering, and their gradual roads to healing. Music gives them a way to capture the ineffable in song and lyrics, and to tell their personal stories. “The best way to get to know someone,” Moth asserts in the poem “Lyrics & Stories,” “to get beneath their skin & into the bone / is to tell a story & offer music”; while a story can describe a person’s identity, Moth believes music “shows who you are” (86). 


The closing Epilogue poem of the novel reiterates these notions. This scene is set at Madison Square Garden and depicts Sani performing his and Sani’s “Summer Song” from 10 years prior, showing that his relationship with Moth helped him rediscover his Diné roots, make sense of himself, and achieve peace with his past and present.

Moths

Recurring images of moths pervade the novel and act as a motif for transformation, thus reiterating the theme of Friendship and Love as Pathways to Healing. At the novel’s start, Moth is reluctant to move beyond her sorrow and pain. She does not like her name—inspired by Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream—and asserts that she is stuck in the egg phase of the moth’s life cycle because she is “not ready to live yet” (1). 


Over the course of the novel, however, Moth gradually moves from the egg phase and on to the caterpillar, cocoon, and finally the moth stages of development. In the caterpillar stage, Moth exits the metaphoric egg of her insular room and home in Virginia and heads out on the road with Sani. His car becomes the metaphoric caterpillar, inching across the country and moving through grief and towards regeneration. Along the way, she enters the cocoon stage. She feels content to “rest here / caged on this holy land / & grow,” ultimately awaiting the day she will “splatter like a Pollock painting— / a little bruised but free / free / free / & flying” (168). 


As she and Sani visit historic sites across the country, she finds clarity in these ancestral landmarks and garners a sense of peace. The reference to “splattering” and “bruising” is a reference to the caterpillar’s dissolution inside the cocoon before hardening into the “free” and “flying” moth. When Moth reaches this final stage, she is flying over the threshold between the corporeal and spirit worlds.


Moths are also mystical creatures that often represent a connection to the spirit world. Moth’s name, character traits, and character arc underscore her ghostly nature and act as a clue to the novel’s climactic revelation.

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