Polly’s confrontation with Garrison highlights the theme of Identity as a Lifelong Negotiation. Garrison challenges her perspective on her relationship with her mother, partly faulting her for their distance. At the same time, his characterization of her relationship with their father—“you and Dad in your own little world. Polly and Daddy. Nobody else existed for him” (177)—reveals that he, too, has felt left out, complicating Polly’s understanding of her own place within the family. Hearing that she is her father’s favorite child is also hard to swallow, and the argument drives a wedge between Polly and the person she sees as her closest confidant. In contrast, Polly continues to grow closer to her chosen connections, including Talia, underscoring that family is not simply a matter of biology.

Polly’s mistake with CC in the classroom adds another layer to her evolving understanding of identity. When Polly learns that CC’s version of her mother is “invented,” it underscores how people create identities to cope with absence. It also parallels Polly’s own situation, as she has had to question the story she believed about her prickly relationship with her mother. Polly’s observation on the moment—“So many minefields when life goes sideways. So many” (174)—captures her growing empathy for others struggling with how to define themselves.

Polly’s experiences with Josephine and CC also force her to reconsider how she sees herself as a teacher. She is implied to have begun her career with the goal of inspiring students to love literature. However, experience has shown her that teaching goes beyond teaching the subject matter. It requires understanding students’ personal struggles and responding to them with patience and care. With Josephine, Polly offers guidance that extends beyond academics, helping her to consider the kind of life she wants. With CC, Polly initially responds with frustration, but after learning more about her home life, she reconsiders her assumptions. These moments show that teaching requires patience and an understanding of what students are dealing with outside the classroom. Through this, Polly begins to see that her role as a teacher is more personal than she once believed, which becomes another way her sense of identity is shifting: Middle age has forced Polly to reckon not only with her personal and familial identity but also with her vocational identity.

The revelation that Sarah also couldn’t conceive deepens Polly’s own journey with The Many Faces of Motherhood. Learning that Sarah experienced a similar loss makes Polly feel less alone, while Sarah’s decision not to share this information changes how Polly understands both her friend and the nature of infertility itself. Sarah, despite not having children, has created meaningful relationships, highlighting that nurturing is not limited to biological motherhood. Her silence on the subject underscores this point; it suggests both Sarah’s empathy for Polly and a personal decision not to center infertility in the story of her life. Polly’s earlier belief that motherhood must be physical remains, but it is beginning to shift as she sees that there are many ways to “mother” in life.

Polly has relied on Relationships as a Source of Support, but as Sarah declines, she finds herself the one who must provide it. This reversal shows the depth of their relationship and the way friendship requires both giving and receiving care. Polly and Sarah’s mutual admission of love reveals the depth of their connection. Even as Sarah is dying, she continues to think about others. Having her flowers transplanted to Lou’s house symbolizes the way Sarah’s presence will continue after her death. The garden, a reflection of her caring nature, is brought to another home, reflecting how her care and relationships will live on in the people around her.

Polly initially struggles to reconcile herself to this shift. In much the same way that Polly can’t prevent her father’s decline, Polly can’t hold on to Sarah’s love. Loving someone, the novel implies, means accepting that you may have to let them go, but throughout the novel, Polly tries to maintain control, holding tightly to her expectations for her life, her body, and her relationships. However, in facing Sarah’s death, she begins to understand the freedom that comes with relinquishing that control.