The Amateur

Now a student at Smith College, Mira lives with her new roommate, Tina Hawthorne, to whom she has not revealed the full extent of her past. She is enjoying being in a place where she can have a fresh start, as no one from Tallmadge is there. She frequently smokes marijuana and has found campus sources for cocaine and LSD, which she has dropped only once that autumn at Smith. At a dorm mixer, Tina introduces Mira to Ethan Pomerleau, a 29-year-old Vietnam veteran and friend of Tina’s brother who is a freshman at nearby Amherst College. After Mira asks Ethan if he ever killed anyone, he turns the question back on her, and she admits that she has.

Mira learns that the Foster family is suing her, the country club, and the net manufacturer for $3 million. The civil lawsuit alleges “joint and several liability” for their “loss of consortium” (206)—a figure so large because of the grave misfortune to two parents and two siblings; the plaintiffs also expect defendants to pay their legal fees. Mira recalls her father’s callous observation that the Fosters would not receive that much because Kenny, as a teenager, had no established earning power.

Later, needing to confide in someone, Mira explains the details of the accident, the civil lawsuit, and the fact that the criminal trial, if there is one, will come first—since a guilty verdict could increase civil liability—to Tina. However, she omits any mention of her relationships with Theo and Dennis.

Mira and her parents meet with Kathleen O’Brien, an engineer hired as a defense expert. O’Brien theorizes that whoever cut the target from the practice net did so carelessly, likely damaging the nylon threading and compromising the net’s structural integrity. She warns that a jury will find it more plausible that an “impulsive” teenager like Mira would be careless than an adult professional like Harry Fallows. Barker explains their defense strategy: attacking the club’s placement of the net, the net manufacturer’s design, and arguing that Harry removed the target and framed Mira by planting it in her golf bag to deflect blame. For the first time, Mira’s father says he believes she is telling the truth and that Harry is lying, giving Mira a rare feeling of paternal support.

That night, she stays at her parents’ house in Tallmadge. Lately, Mira has been writing suicide notes, and she writes another one and then destroys it. She has an epiphany that if she were to kill herself, she should stage it as an accident to spare her family additional pain.

Mira goes on her first date with Ethan. Having used cocaine beforehand, she is agitated and energetic. At a bar, Ethan talks about his experiences in Vietnam and the reception when he got home. He tells her he doesn’t use drugs. He doesn’t judge her, but Mira gets flustered and falls off her barstool. 

When they return to her dorm, they are confronted by Tina and Mira’s other housemates. A former Tallmadge student, Annie Bainbridge, who Mira doesn’t really know but now attends Smith, has spread gossip about Mira’s past. They also know about Mira’s relationship with Dennis; Marie had told Annie about it. Mira is shocked at Marie’s betrayal. 

The girls attack her, accusing her of wrecking the Catton family. One of them claims Theo’s older daughter tried to kill herself because of Mira—a charge Mira internally disputes, knowing it is untrue. The girls also accuse Mira of committing arson and having a secret baby or an abortion. Having already spoken to the dean and arranged a new room, Tina announces she is moving out that night, citing the marijuana smell, Mira’s lying, and finding cocaine on her Fleetwood Mac album. Ethan tries to defend Mira, but eventually, he leaves, and Mira goes to her room.

Feeling vilified and completely alone, Mira decides to act on her suicidal thoughts. She takes Tina’s X-Acto knife into the communal bathroom, fills a tub with warm water, and slits her wrists, cutting upward along her forearms. As she loses consciousness, she is mesmerized by the sight of her blood blooming in the water, thinking it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

Ethan, feeling uneasy after leaving Mira, returns to find her. Tina tells him she is taking a bath, and when he finds the bathroom door locked, he kicks the door in. Using his training from the military, he applies pressure to her wounds, saving her life. Mira awakens in the hospital, and her parents and Spencer soon arrive. A psychiatrist evaluates her and determines the suicide attempt was impulsive, likely exacerbated by drug use, and does not recommend she be committed to a psychiatric hospital. Mira acknowledges she gamed the evaluation by not telling the psychiatrist about her many suicide notes. The family decides Mira will withdraw from Smith College for the semester and return to her parents’ home in Tallmadge.

Her father informs her that her criminal trial for involuntary manslaughter could begin as early as that winter. He again asks if she was the one who cut the target from the net, and she insists she was not. Before Mira is discharged, Ethan visits. He tells her that he investigated the rumor about Theo Catton’s daughter and confirmed that it was false; the girl never attempted to die by suicide.

Ethan drives from Amherst to visit Mira at her home in Tallmadge, encouraging her to stop punishing herself and to view Kenny’s death as a “freak accident.” Mira reflects that she has not tried to kill herself again because she now understands that people, including her family and Ethan, still care for her. She begins to release the “magical thinking” that linked her affair with Theo to Kenny’s death. Since returning home, she has stopped using drugs, and she notices that her parents are drinking less. Her former roommate Tina sends an apology letter, and her friend Marie visits, prompting Mira to forgive Marie for gossiping about her.

Her lawyer informs the family that the criminal trial date is set for March 3, 1980. The public narrative remains hostile to Mira, and a New York Post reporter photographs her while she is Christmas shopping outside Saks Fifth Avenue after a meeting with Barker, captioning it to portray her as a “spoiled bitch” who wrecked a driving range net because she didn’t approve of its design. Mira reflects that her childhood ended with Theo and her adolescence ended with Kenny’s death.