Marian is a recent university graduate working at Seymour Surveys, where she rewrites psychology-based survey questions into accessible language for housewives. She lives in Toronto with her roommate Ainsley and maintains a casual dating life. She values her independence and fears being forced into the rigid expectations of a corporate career or a traditional marriage. When she feels her autonomy threatened, her body reacts in unusual ways, including a sudden inability to consume certain foods.

Ainsley is Marian's roommate and a recent psychology graduate working at an electric toothbrush company. She firmly believes that true femininity is achieved solely through motherhood. Using her academic background, she devises a methodical plan to select a genetically suitable man to impregnate her so she can raise a child completely independently.

Peter is a young, ambitious lawyer steadily rising in rank at his firm. He keeps a sparse, newly built apartment and enjoys collecting cameras and hunting knives. Initially, he prides himself on his bachelor lifestyle and appreciates Marian because she seems sensible and undemanding. However, as his single friends begin to marry, his attitude toward domesticity shifts drastically.

Duncan is a 26-year-old English graduate student who lives in a disorganized apartment with two overbearing roommates. Marian meets him while conducting a door-to-door survey. He is deeply self-absorbed, frequently referencing philosophy and literature, and uses mundane tasks like ironing or visiting the laundromat to soothe his intense academic anxieties.

Clara is Marian's college friend who lives in a constantly chaotic house filled with children's toys. She is pregnant with her third child and deeply exhausted by the relentless physical and emotional demands of motherhood. She serves as a living example of the domestic life Marian desperately wants to avoid.

Joe is Clara's husband. Because his wife is overwhelmed by her consecutive pregnancies and the demands of their toddlers, Joe takes on the vast majority of the household labor. He cooks, cleans, and manages the family's daily routine while maintaining his own work.

Len is a college friend of Marian and Clara who has recently returned to Toronto after fleeing a filmmaking job in London due to a scandal. He is a confirmed bachelor with a well-known reputation for seducing younger, inexperienced women. He complains frequently about women who expect long-term commitment.

Fish is an English graduate student and one of Duncan's roommates. He treats Duncan with intense parental concern and focuses his own literary studies on birth rates, female sexuality, and the representation of women's bodies in text.

Trevor is an English graduate student living with Duncan and Fish. He takes pride in domestic skills and enjoys cooking elaborate, multi-course meals for the household. Like Fish, he shares a parental concern over Duncan's mental state.

Emmy is an artificially blonde employee at Seymour Surveys. She belongs to a trio Marian privately calls the "office virgins." Emmy firmly believes that engaging in sexual intimacy will make her physically ill.

Lucy is another artificially blonde coworker at Seymour Surveys. She is highly self-conscious and worries constantly about social opinions, appearances, and finding a suitable husband.

Millie completes the trio of younger women at the survey company. She takes a highly practical approach to relationships and insists on waiting for marriage before having sex simply because she believes it is the socially correct thing to do.

Mrs. Brogue is a middle-aged supervisor at Seymour Surveys. She views employee pregnancies as a direct act of disloyalty to the company and enforces strict expectations on the female staff.

The landlady owns the building where Marian and Ainsley rent their attic apartment. She actively polices her tenants, imposing judgmental restrictions on their behavior, noise levels, and social lives.