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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of antigay bias and sexual content.
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, both 29-year-old professional hockey players, finish a run on a wooded trail. After some playful banter, Ilya tackles Shane and briefly kisses him before they head home. Walking to their car, Ilya suggests they tell their agent, Farah Jalali, about their relationship. Shane panics, but Ilya argues that if she isn’t supportive, she shouldn’t be their agent.
After a shower together, they take a FaceTime call from Shane’s cottage. Encouraged by Ilya, Shane reveals he is gay and Ilya discloses he is bisexual. Farah quickly deduces they are a couple and is happy for them. They confirm they have been together for years and that the relationship is serious, though they don’t want to go public yet. Farah pledges full support and discusses endorsements, an ESPN documentary about their rivalry, Shane’s upcoming free agency, and their charity hockey camps.
After the call, Shane reflects on his deep love for Ilya and the pain of having to hide their relationship, possibly for another decade until they retire.
Ilya dreams of his deceased mother, Irina, wanting to introduce her to Shane, but Shane never appears. He wakes alone at Shane’s Montreal house on the first day of their charity hockey camp. Shane is already in the kitchen, stressing over administrative details. Shane’s mother, Yuna, who is staying with them for the week, has already left for the rink, and a French news crew will arrive that afternoon.
Shane worries both about the camp and their secret being discovered. He recalls retired player Ryan Price walking in on them kissing at last year’s camp and the fact that his teammate, Hayden Pike, will be a coach at the camp. He is one of the only ones that knows about their relationship. To ease his worry, he establishes a strict no-kissing rule for the week.
At the rink, Ilya welcomes the children and introduces the coaching staff. When Ilya later spots Shane talking to an attractive male reporter who touches his arm, he fires a puck at the glass behind Shane’s head out of jealousy. Shane ignores him for the rest of the day. In a private argument afterward, Ilya admits his jealousy and Shane reaffirms his love and commitment. Ryan walks in on them again before they can kiss.
That evening over dinner at Shane’s house, they discuss which coaches they could trust with their secret. Later, Ilya slips onto the back deck and speaks in Russian to his deceased mother, hoping she would be proud of the camp. Shane joins him, and they embrace in the dark.
Shane pulls Ryan aside at the equipment room to confirm he has kept their secret, then invites him and his boyfriend Fabian to a double date that night. He also nervously reveals that his parents and Hayden know about the relationship. Ryan is relieved he isn’t the sole keeper of their secret.
That evening, Shane and Ilya meet Ryan and Fabian Salah, a musician, at a restaurant that turns out to be a gay bar. Ilya hesitates when introducing Shane, struggling to define their relationship. Ilya surprises Shane by revealing he already bought them tickets to Fabian’s show on Friday. The conversation turns to being a queer couple in the public eye. Fabian asks why their relationship is a secret, and they explain the complexity of their public rivalry, adding that they have been together in some form for over 10 years. Fabian wonders aloud whether hiding is also a “distraction,” a question that gives them both pause.
On the drive home, Ilya suggests they may be so practiced at “pretending not to be in love” that they have become “bad at showing it” (44)—a thought that sobers Shane.
During lunch at the rink, coaches discuss their complicated feelings about hockey. The conversation shifts to Ilya’s new coach in Ottawa, Brandon Wiebe. Hayden arrives late, explaining his son Arthur’s stuffed alligator had gone missing. Ilya inwardly admits to admiring Hayden’s life as a father.
During an afternoon scrimmage, two rival campers get into a fight. Ilya takes them to the locker room and defuses the tension by having them engage in a silly one-legged hopping contest, which makes them laugh and reconcile. On the last day of camp, a teammate remarks that Shane and Ilya are “kind of adorable” (52), which worries Shane. He then feels jealous watching two colleagues be openly affectionate, and an urge to kiss Ilya publicly.
Walking down a hallway, Ilya pulls Shane into an empty locker room that reminds them of where they first met while filming a commercial over a decade ago. Ilya kisses Shane passionately as they reminisce about the shoot, when Shane was visibly aroused and Ilya propositioned him, acknowledging it as the start of their story.
Shane and Ilya attend Fabian’s show with Ryan. Fabian’s performance is sensual and mesmerizing. Ilya, starved for physical affection, lightly touches Shane’s arm, but Shane flinches away, torn between desire and the pull of secrecy. Seeing Ilya look hurt, Shane decides to act. He moves closer and rests a hand on the small of Ilya’s back for the rest of the show. Ilya mouths a promise of soon.
In the car home, both distracted by desire, they immediately begin kissing once they arrive and have urgent, intense sex. Afterward, Ilya seems distracted. Later that night, Shane wakes when Ilya returns to bed and smells cigarette smoke on him, which Ilya denies.
Over breakfast at Ilya’s house in Ottawa, Shane asks how many men Ilya has been with. Ilya deflects with jokes, and Shane prepares to drive back to Montreal. Ilya stops him at the door and comes clean: Shane was only the second man he had ever been with. He admits to a few other partners after Shane during the years they were secretly hooking up but says none of them mattered. They embrace, and Shane expresses how much he hates hiding their relationship. They share a passionate kiss before Shane has to leave, noting that they won’t see each other again for three weeks.
In Montreal, Shane watches his third Stanley Cup Champions banner raised to the rafters and plans to re-sign with the team. In Ottawa, Ilya’s home opener feels sad given the team’s losing history. Ilya feels disconnected from his team and thinks his linemate Zane should be captain instead of him. After the game, the team’s social media manager, Harris, invites him out. Ilya doesn’t commit. He has a brief, encouraging conversation with rookie Luca Haas, who clearly idolizes him.
That night, Ilya is unable to sleep, plagued by feelings of worthlessness and his father’s critical voice in his head. Desperate for connection, he texts Shane after one o’clock in the morning. The next morning, Shane sees the text and mistakenly assumes Ilya was just looking for sex.
Ilya spends an evening at Shane’s parents’ house in Ottawa, playing Yahtzee with Yuna and David Hollander. Shane calls during the visit, and they flirt and exchange “I love yous” in Russian (85). Ilya reflects that he doesn’t regret leaving Boston, because being in Ottawa lets him be closer to Shane.
Watching Shane’s game on television with Shane’s parents, Ilya sees Shane score a goal using his signature breakaway move, then wink directly at the camera—a private message for Ilya. Later, on a video call from their respective beds, Ilya has Shane put on his glasses and they have phone sex, climaxing together. Afterward, they exchange raw declarations of love and lament that they still have 10 days before they can see each other. Shane ends the call feeling intensely alone, wishing there could be a solution to their problem.
The opening chapters establish the theme of The Corrosive Burden of a Secret Queer Relationship by contrasting Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov’s public vigilance with their private sanctuary. At their charity camp, Shane’s enforcement of a strict no-kissing rule and his flinching away from Ilya’s touch highlight their public anxiety. This directly contrasts with the comfort of their cottage, where they feel secure enough to disclose their relationship to their agent, Farah. The cottage is a domestic refuge where their partnership exists freely, while the constant need for secrecy in public turns moments of potential comfort into reminders of danger. This fact pushes them into rehearsed behaviors that limit their closeness. This dynamic reflects how the historical absence of openly gay NHL players leaves queer athletes weighing the personal cost of authenticity against the professional risks of exposure.
As the regular season begins, physical separation exacerbates the tension between their genuine connection and their manufactured public lives. When they part for three weeks, Shane laments the prospect of another decade of hiding. During a televised game, Shane executes Ilya’s signature breakaway move and winks at the camera, a gesture Ilya watches while visiting Shane’s parents. This public broadcast leads to a private phone call where they exchange raw declarations of love, yet Shane ultimately feels intensely alone. Shane’s use of Ilya’s move on the ice attempts to bridge their two worlds, embedding a private declaration of affection within the public spectacle of the sport. The subsequent phone call, however, underscores the inadequacy of this compromise, as digital intimacy fails to replace physical presence. Shane’s earlier admission to Farah that he “wouldn’t mind boring” (12) encapsulates the central dilemma: Their mutual desire for a mundane, un-sensationalized life remains thwarted by a sporting culture that makes visibility a professional liability.
The novel uses hockey arenas to represent institutional pressures that compel both men to separate their professional achievements from their emotional reality. During their camp, Shane prioritizes projecting the image of a disciplined captain, distancing himself from Ilya to maintain their rivalry narrative. He connects this rigid behavior directly to his career, acknowledging his fear of not “living up to the expectations of the Montreal Voyageurs organization and our fans” (39). Shane’s commitment to this polished exterior underscores the theme of Professional Success at the Cost of Emotional Authenticity, as he splits his private truth from the public template of an NHL superstar. This bifurcation shifts the genre’s typical conflict away from courtship to examine the exhausting labor of preserving a long-term partnership under immense professional scrutiny.
Ilya’s mental health journey introduces the theme of Depression as an Isolating Force, manifesting through unprocessed grief. He repeatedly dreams of his deceased mother and desperately waits for Shane to appear, but Shane never arrives. In his waking life, Ilya feels disconnected from his Ottawa teammates, withdrawing after a tough loss and hearing his father’s critical voice, which leads him to smoke secretly and text Shane late at night. His hidden distress speaks to the broader context of professional sports, where an expectation of unwavering toughness stigmatizes psychological distress and often leaves athletes confronting mental illness in a culture of silence.
Interactions with openly queer characters compel Shane and Ilya to confront the unsustainable nature of their concealment. On a double date, Ryan’s boyfriend Fabian challenges their justifications for secrecy, asking whether having to hide is “a distraction too” (41). Later, at Fabian’s show, Shane observes the ease with which Ryan and Fabian navigate public space, which prompts him to cautiously rest his hand on Ilya’s back despite his fear. Fabian’s question reframes their vigilance as a corrosive force that limits their closeness and makes them inept at showing affection. Shane’s small gesture at the concert signifies a momentary rebellion against the rehearsed performances that dominate their lives.



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