The Practice of Groundedness

Brad Stulberg, a performance coach and writer, begins by identifying a pattern among his high-performing coaching clients, including executives, entrepreneurs, physicians, and elite athletes. Despite conventional success, these individuals report chronic restlessness, compulsive busyness, and a lingering sense that something is missing. Stulberg calls this condition "heroic individualism," an ongoing game of one-upmanship paired with the belief that measurable achievement is the only arbiter of success. He connects this mindset to societal data: rising anxiety and depression, peak substance addiction, increasing deaths of despair, epidemic loneliness, and the World Health Organization's 2019 classification of burnout as a medical condition.

After his first book, Peak Performance, became a bestseller, Stulberg was blindsided by obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which brought relentless intrusive thoughts of despair and self-harm for nearly a year. The experience forced him to question whether his ingrained restlessness had contributed to a mind that could not find its ground. During a hike among California redwood trees, he noticed that the trees' stability came not from their towering branches but from their deep, interconnected root systems. This crystallized his central insight: People need to stop fixating on outward achievement and instead nourish the internal foundation that keeps them stable. He calls this foundation "groundedness," an unwavering internal strength that sustains a person through ups and downs. The book is structured around six principles of groundedness, drawing on modern science, ancient wisdom, and the practices of fulfilled high performers.

The first principle is acceptance: seeing and starting where one truly is. Olympic triathlete Sarah True experienced a devastating leg spasm during the 2016 Rio Games and spiraled into severe depression. True initially tried to push through, but only when she accepted her grief and began therapy did recovery start. Stulberg connects this to his own OCD recovery and profiles clinical psychologist Steven Hayes, who developed acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) after his own experience with panic disorder. Hayes's research showed that avoiding unpleasant thoughts and feelings makes them stronger. Stulberg draws parallels to the Buddhist parable of the second arrow: The first arrow (a painful event) may be unavoidable, but the second arrow (denial or resistance) causes worse harm and can be controlled. Practices include cultivating a "wise observer" perspective (observing thoughts and feelings from a detached, aware vantage point), self-compassion, and behavioral activation (the principle that mood follows action).

The second principle is presence. Stulberg contends that multitasking and addictive digital technology fragment attention and erode well-being. Research shows people spend 47 percent of waking hours thinking about something other than what is in front of them, and that a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. True optimization means being fully engaged with the pursuits and people that matter most. Full presence enables "flow," a state of complete absorption that mirrors what Buddhism calls Nirvana (liberation from suffering), what Taoism calls the Way (living in harmony with reality), and what the ancient Greeks called arête (excellence through presence in one's craft). After achieving pop stardom and experiencing the emptiness of fame, musician Mike Posner walked 2,851 miles across America and learned that happiness is a daily decision about where to direct attention. Stulberg also introduces psychologist Erich Fromm's concept of "productive activity," in which the person, the activity, and the result feel unified. Practices include eliminating digital distractions during protected time, mindfulness meditation, and making a not-to-do list.

The third principle is patience. Stulberg opens with Donna, a coaching client promoted to a Fortune 100 C-suite as the only woman and only African American, who had to learn that forcing outcomes was counterproductive at the scale of leading tens of thousands. He traces Charles Darwin's development of the theory of natural selection over more than 20 years and writer Ta-Nehisi Coates's nearly two decades of struggle before his breakthrough. MIT Sloan research on 2.7 million founders found that the average founder age at the top 0.1 percent of fastest-growing businesses was 45. Marathon world-record holder Eliud Kipchoge exemplifies patience, rarely pushing past 80 percent effort in training. Practices include cultivating a process mindset, stopping one rep short to ensure sustainability, and leaving one's phone behind during routine activities.

The fourth principle is vulnerability. Stulberg recounts the cognitive dissonance of receiving admiring messages while privately experiencing OCD, which led him to write a confessional essay for Outside magazine that became his most-read piece. NBA player Kevin Love experienced a panic attack during a November 2017 game, began therapy, and publicly wrote about his struggles, including the unprocessed grief over his grandmother Carol's death. A month earlier, Toronto Raptors guard DeMar DeRozan had tweeted about his own depression, and together their disclosures sparked a mental health movement in the NBA. Musician Sara Bareilles earned her first Grammy for Amidst the Chaos, an album detailing her struggles with anxiety and fear. Stulberg argues that fully knowing oneself, including one's weaknesses, builds genuine confidence. University of Mannheim researchers found that while people feared vulnerability would appear as weakness, listeners perceived it as courage, a finding called "the beautiful mess effect." Harvard professor Amy Edmondson's research shows that the highest-performing teams are those with psychological safety, where members can show their whole selves without fear.

The fifth principle is deep community. Stulberg returns to the redwood metaphor: Their roots extend hundreds of feet laterally, intertwining with neighbors for collective stability. Loneliness rates have more than tripled since the 1980s, with mortality risks comparable to smoking. Self-determination theory identifies relatedness as a basic human need, and Stulberg examines technology's double-edged impact: Digital tools crowd out relationship-building while offering an illusion of connection that cannot replace the real thing. Experts conclude social media helps when augmenting in-person community but harms when replacing it. Distance runner Shalane Flanagan's decision to train in a group resulted in all 11 of her training partners making it to the Olympics. Practices include volunteering, joining communities, prioritizing deep friendships, and developing a "Braintrust" of trusted peers.

The sixth principle is movement. Stulberg opens with actress Andrea Barber, who portrayed Kimmy Gibbler on the television show Full House but privately had chronic anxiety and depression until she discovered daily running at age 32. Regular physical activity reduces depression risk by 17 to 41 percent, with therapeutic effects on par with psychotherapy and medication. Movement reinforces every prior principle, teaching acceptance of discomfort, anchoring presence, demanding patience through progressive overload (gradually increasing physical demands), developing vulnerability, and building community. Stulberg reframes exercise as integral to any job, citing a Stanford study showing a brief walk increased creative insight by 40 percent. Practices include micro-movements throughout the day, brisk walking for at least 150 minutes per week, strength training, and exercising outdoors.

Stulberg then addresses translating principles into daily life through the "being-doing cycle," the ongoing process of aligning outward actions with inward values. Through coaching clients Parker, a chief information officer, and Samantha, a start-up CEO, he shows that specific, simple behavioral changes produce significant improvements. He debunks the myth that habits form in 21 days, citing research showing the average is 66 days, and recommends designing conditions that support desired behaviors rather than relying on willpower.

The final chapter reframes groundedness as an ongoing practice rather than a destination. Research shows self-compassion after failure helps people recover more effectively than self-judgment. Stulberg introduces the Eastern mantra Om mani padme hum ("the jewel in the lotus"), interpreting it to mean the mind is most powerful when striving is held with love and compassion. In the conclusion, he frames groundedness as both a personal and civic project, warning that heroic individualism edges society toward the dystopia of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World and urging readers to share the practice with their communities.