45 pages • 1-hour read
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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of mental illness, pregnancy loss or termination, physical and emotional abuse, and death.
Joy wakes up with no idea where she is or how she got there. She can barely stand or speak, and spends most of her time sleeping. When she tries to eat, she can only manage a couple of bites, but she tells herself that she needs to try for her baby.
Xander’s dead body was found beside his car in the forest, but the police aren’t sure if he was murdered or died from the crash. Benny’s head spins as he wonders what happened to Joy, whether she’s responsible, and where she is now. He has no choice but to give the detectives the recordings from Joy’s computer. His last conversation with Joy is part of the files; in that conversation, Benny threatened to kill Xander if he hurt Joy. Benny isn’t under arrest. Keller asks whether Joy returns Benny’s love.
Joy gradually realizes she is in a domestic violence shelter. A woman named Gloria checks on her and brings her food and toiletries. Joy recalls little of the night she ran from Xander, but does remember arguing about the fact that Xander had been switching her birth control with placebos.
Joy checks her email but can’t log in from the shelter’s computer. Mitali, a young woman fleeing abuse, recognizes Joy from the podcast. Mitali confesses that she plans to go back to her husband. Joy searches her name and finds out that Xander is dead with foul play suspected. A wave of nausea floods over her.
As reporters surround Benny’s house, Benny pushing past them and drives to Joy’s house. Mallory is there talking to Carlotta. When Benny confronts Mallory about spying on Joy, Mallory tries to justify her actions and denies that Xander was abusing Joy. Benny asks why Mallory gave the police the recording of Joy and Benny arguing. Mallory had no other option.
Keller arrives and announces that Xander’s death was likely murder; his car had been set on fire. One of Joy and Xander’s fire extinguishers is missing, suggesting Xander knew a fire could happen. Keller accuses Benny of orchestrating the money transfer and points out that there is evidence of Benny’s angry temper, but Benny insists that he has nothing to do with Xander’s death.
Joy remembers posting online about taking a break from the podcast. In response, Xander got angry and attacked her. She ran. The next thing she remembers is waking up at the shelter. Joy asks Mitali to let Benny know Joy is alive. Mitali claims to call the police instead and reports back that they urge Joy to stay hidden for now.
Benny and Sarah drive through the forest where Xander died but find nothing. At Quinn’s bakery, Benny confronts Quinn about what she knows. Quinn denies Xander’s abuse and has no idea who killed Xander. She does suspect that Xander kept Mallory sick on purpose when she was young. Quinn mentions Ted and Emil (Carlotta’s husband). Benny wants to know more, but Quinn is done talking and tells him to leave.
As Joy continues struggling to eat, Gloria arranges for her to see a doctor. Joy confides to Mitali that she knew Xander would react poorly to her asking for a divorce; Joy planned to hide when he was served papers. Joy also remembers that Carlotta once mentioned that Xander and Emil were working on a project: the protein shakes.
Benny finds dozens of messages from fans. There is also a message that references Fonzi, a popular character from the 1970s sitcom Happy Days; Benny believes it is from Joy, as Benny and Joy have a Fonzi statue in their studio. Benny becomes almost certain that Joy is alive. When he and Sarah check the statue for clues, Benny finds a camera in the ceiling and takes the SD card. Outside, Benny runs into Emil and Ted, both of whom are holding cameras. Suddenly, Benny realizes who Joy’s stalkers are. Benny tries to grab Ted’s camera, but falls when someone pulls him back. Sarah grabs Benny and they leave.
This pregnancy feels different than Joy’s first because without Xander, she gets to make the decisions, like how much information to give the doctor. Still, when she sees the ultrasound, Joy cries. On the way back to the shelter, she has confusing mixed feelings. On the one hand, Xander forced being the pregnancy on her without consent. On the other hand, she doesn’t have Xander to help her through it.
Benny goes with Sarah to the same hospital where Joy just was. He has a broken wrist. On the way back, Benny and Sarah argue about who was responsible for the incident with Ted. Benny was the first to lay hands on Ted, and he broke Ted’s camera. Benny defensively refuses to take responsibility. Suddenly, they see of dozens of reporters and several police cars outside Benny’s house. Benny is arrested on charges of withholding evidence and destruction of property.
Xander used to tell Joy she would be lost without him, and now she really does feel lost.
Then Joy remembers how when Carlotta noticed Joy’s bruises, she told her of a place where Joy could go when she was ready to leave Xander. Another time, Carlotta mentioned Emil’s investment in the poisonous protein powder. Joy had no idea that Emil was involved. Joy also figured out that Xander had been investing in other small businesses in secret, and that most of them had failed.
Joy asks Mitali if she’s heard from Benny or the police. Mitali says she hasn’t. When Joy gets up to call them herself, Mitali insists she rest. Suddenly, Joy realizes that Mitali is preventing her from contacting anyone.
Benny is taken to a holding cell without his belongings. He has a comforting phone call with Sarah, but realizes that all of his foolish choices have led to this point. Benny’s lawyer, Philip, gets him released without bail until his court date. Benny asks why the police are only after him. Philip counters that there are plenty of reasons to suspect Benny.
The SD card from the camera at the studio is mostly corrupted from being left in Sarah’s hot car, but there is footage of Joy making a phone call (Benny assumes to Xander).
Joy sneaks down to the shelter’s computer room and finds out that Benny was arrested. She also learns out that nobody knows where she is, including the police: Mitali never contacted them or Benny. Another woman approaches to see if Joy is alright. When Joy asks for Mitali, the woman says Mitali left two days ago. Joy is sure she saw Mitali just last night. Then she begins hemorrhaging.
Benny decides to rewatch the video of Joy’s phone call. He slows it down and sees her look directly at the camera, suggesting she knows it’s there. Benny calls Mallory, who Mallory denies knowing about the camera. Benny accuses Mallory of helping Xander abuse Joy, but Mallory claims she was only protecting Joy from Xander’s true evil. Suddenly, Benny realizes that the recorded phone call was to Luna. He and Sarah head over, and Luna finally admits that she knows where Joy is hiding.
Joy passes out from pain and shock, and sees Benny in her dreams.
Benny demands to know where Joy is. At first all Luna will say is that she’s safe, but eventually she agrees to take Benny to Joy’s location. She warns that he won’t be able to see her. They arrive at the shelter, but the woman answering the buzzer quickly hangs up on Benny. When Sarah tries, two women come outside to see them but deny entry or any information. After Luna talks to the women in hushed whispers, they agree to check on Joy, but not to bring her out. Moments later, one of them runs outside yelling that Joy is bleeding and needs an ambulance.
Benny, Sarah, and Luna panic as Joy is taken out on a stretcher and put in an ambulance. Benny is allowed to ride with her. At the hospital, Luna apologizes for keeping what was happening secret. She explains that she found Xander attacking Joy at the studio. When Luna mentions other cameras, Benny immediately becomes suspicious that Luna was involved in the surveillance and in Xander’s death. Before he can press Luna for answers, the doctor comes out with news about Joy. Luna takes the opportunity to leave. Joy has had an incomplete miscarriage; it is unclear whether she will be okay.
Following a hysterectomy, Joy is in her hospital bed, barely aware of her surroundings. A nurse comes in and tells her she’s recovering from surgery. Joy goes in and out of consciousness, feeling an emptiness in her abdomen. She asks the nurse why she’s there, and the nurse calls a doctor.
Joy asks to see Benny. His nerves are a mess as he goes into the hospital room. Joy is groggy and weak, but happy to see Benny, whose presence has always comforted her. They spend time in companionable silence. When Benny leaves, Keller finds him outside. The police have linked Xander to Joy’s paparazzi stalking scam, but neither Ted nor Emil was involved. When Sarah suggests Benny buy Ted a new camera, Benny says he’ll consider it.
After Joy has had time to recuperate, Keller questions her. Joy describes Xander attacking her after telling she told him that she would step away from the podcast and that she had transferred her money to Benny. In self-defense, she hit Xander in the head with the Fonzi statue and ran. Joy also confesses to imagining talking to Mitali, which casts doubt on her account of the night with Xander.
Later, Joy implies to Benny that Luna was involved with Xander’s death, but that she has no plans to tell anyone, and hopes Benny won’t, either. Joy is filled with a happiness she hasn’t felt in months as she and Benny reunite. He promises to be with her every day from now on.
A year later, Joy and Benny are sitting on stage waiting to start a live show for their book tour for the memoir. Joy is back to her usual nervous self as she wonders whether people will receive it well. The talk is a success and is followed by a book signing. Many of Joy and Benny’s friends and neighbors are in attendance.
It is revealed that Emil is the one who anonymously emailed Benny to warn him about the protein shake. Carlotta watched over Joy to ensure she was safe. After the show, Benny and Joy head to their new home and make plans for their future life.
Joy is finally ready to look at the footage from the other cameras of the night she last saw Xander. After Xander attacked her and Joy hit him with the Fonzi statue, Luna, Carlotta, and Emil burst in. Emil restrained Xander, which gave Carlotta time to get Joy out to her car. Joy remembers sitting in the car and waiting, with no idea what was happening inside. On the video, she sees that after Xander died in Emil’s arms from the head injury, Emil offered to crash Xander’s car and make it look like an accident. Luna agreed and helped clean up the scene.
After watching, Joy calls Luna. Luna insists that Benny not know the whole truth. She’s rather him believe that she was responsible in case the police ever come asking.
Benny shows Joy the new Zen Den, which is even better than the first. It includes a painting of him and Joy, along with their dogs. Joy sheds a tear and Benny tells her how excited he is to share their life together.
The story’s last section uses dramatic irony, a literary device in which readers know information that characters do not have access to. In this case, when Joy’s narrative perspective chapters shift from excerpts of her memoir to her present-day experiences, readers learn that she is actually alive. In contrast, the other characters believe she is possibly dead. This gap in knowledge creates tension in several ways. First, the novel plays with the frustration of the near-miss, as for example, Benny is treated in the same hospital as Joy—they could run into each other, but don’t. Also, anxiety escalates as the police arrest and charge Benny, and as his lawyer explains that all the evidence seems to point to his guilt, raising the possibility that an innocent person will face punishment.
Joy’s psychological breakdown, as she struggles to understand waking up in a shelter and hallucinates visits from Mitali, offers the novel’s most dramatic example of The Unreliability of Perception and Memory. Joy’s disoriented internal narration and fragmented recollection show how trauma disrupts coherence. Her post-surgical fogginess produces uncertainty not only about the emotional fallout of whatever has happened to her, but even about her body physical state: When the doctor examines her, “I feel nothing. Or maybe nothing is the wrong word. Definitely something. Or the absence of something… It’s the best I’ve felt in ages” (320).
As Joy struggles to articulate her own experience in the aftermath of violence, the novel juxtaposes her two romantic pairings to contrast toxic Control Disguised as Love with anger that comes from moral outrage. Her memories of the night of Xander’s death reveal how deeply he had compromised her autonomy. Xander manipulated and interfered in her relationships in extreme ways, including fabricating conflict between her and Benny, secretly replacing her birth control with placebos, and faking a stalker to aggravate her feelings of paranoia. On the night of his death, he attacked Joy, enraged that she wanted to step away from the podcast. Xander’s control operated primarily through deception and isolation that left Joy vulnerable to overt force; none of the people in her life was aware that she was being abused in these various ways. While Benny is also shown as increasingly fueled by anger, his violent outbursts and emotional combativeness stem from his genuine love of Joy. The novel wants to make the point that anger can provoke both harmful, abusive behavior, and can propel productive action as well. Despite suspicion, readers remain convinced of Benny’s innocence and fundamental goodness.
The novel ends with Benny and Joy making progress towards Reclaiming One’s Voice. No longer under Xander’s abusive sway, they are free to return to their podcast and to expand their discussions into a book and book tour. Joy still has her stage fright, but she isn’t anxious and terrified of her husband’s overbearing influence. A central symbol in this section is the second Zen Den, restored by Benny into a creative place for him and Joy to share. Originally a symbol of unrealized connection between Benny and Joy, it now represents the safe shelter of the new couple’s loving relationship.



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