Under Your Scars

Ariel N. Anderson

Under Your Scars

Ariel N. Anderson
61 pages2-hour read
Fiction
Novel
Adult
Published in 2023

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Important Quotes

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of graphic violence, rape, sexual violence, death, death by suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm, emotional abuse, substance use, illness, and sexual content.

“I, Christian Thomas Reeves, being of unsound mind and a broken spirit, declare this my last will and testament, as well as a goodbye.”


(Prologue, Page xiv)

This excerpt from Christian’s suicide note establishes his initial state of deep psychological despair before meeting Elena. The formal, legalistic language of a “last will and testament” and “unsound mind” glosses over the extreme feelings driving his actions, foreshadowing the fractured identity that defines him and his alter ego, which acts on unchecked, repressed emotions.

“I can do no right in his eyes, and he berates me in front of my other coworkers on a regular basis. It’s embarrassing and demeaning, but I need this job. For my career and my survival.”


(Part 1, Chapter 1, Page 6)

This passage establishes Elena’s desperate circumstances and motivation for enduring a toxic work environment. It highlights her vulnerability and determination, leading to the dramatic changes Christian’s intervention will bring to her professional and personal life. It also introduces her original boss, Neil Hayden, as an early antagonist, driving the initial plot.

“‘You’re scared.’ I can hear in his voice the rest of the sentence he didn’t say. ‘Of me.’”


(Part 1, Chapter 1, Page 10)

This moment of internal monologue reveals Elena’s immediate and intuitive understanding of the Silencer’s dangerous nature. The use of an unspoken, implied phrase highlights the inherent threat he poses, even as her savior. It establishes the central tension of her simultaneous fear and fascination, leading to their toxic dynamic.

“You looked real cozy with Christian Reeves at that club tonight. No wonder you haven’t been home all week.”


(Part 1, Chapter 4, Page 41)

The Silencer’s statement confirms his constant surveillance of Elena and reveals his possessive jealousy. Even though the Silencer and Christian are the same person, he makes Elena feel self-conscious and reaffirms her lack of privacy. His accusatory tone reframes his role from protector to obsessive stalker, emphasizing his menacing presence.

“If you don’t tell me the truth right now, I will find out myself by burning this fucking city to the ground.”


(Part 1, Chapter 6, Page 60)

This quote showcases the extreme, violent nature of the Silencer’s protective instincts over Elena. His threat to destroy the entire city to find out who hurt her reveals the depth of his obsession and the terrifying scale of his rage, blurring the line between protector and monster and foreshadowing his brutal retaliation.

“My angel told me that Valenti made her work naked, and you assholes touched her all night. That was a big fucking mistake on your part. Elena is mine. Mine to scare. Mine to chase. Mine to touch.”


(Part 1, Chapter 7, Page 66)

Narrated from the Silencer’s perspective, this quote defines his violent actions as a form of possessive protection. The repetition of “mine” and the sequence of verbs—“scare,” “chase,” “touch”—reveal that his control is rooted in terror and ownership. He uses his affection for Elena as an excuse to treat her however he sees fit; his issue here is less a just retaliation for misogyny and sexual assault and more a defensive reaction regarding Elena specifically. It directly addresses the theme of Overprotectiveness as a Form of Control by exposing its violent underpinnings.

“I stabbed myself in the arm and waited for you to find me, and I forced you to help me.”


(Part 1, Chapter 9, Page 83)

The Silencer’s confession reveals the depth of his manipulation and obsession. This admission reframes their second encounter as a calculated act of coercive control. By manufacturing a scenario where he appears vulnerable, he forces Elena into the role of caregiver, thereby creating a bond through deception and creating an opportunity to enter her home.

“I am painfully, catastrophically in love with you.”


(Part 1, Chapter 18, Page 174)

Christian’s confession uses hyperbolic adverbs—“painfully, catastrophically”—to frame his love as an overwhelming and destructive force. This word choice highlights the tragic nature of their relationship and reflects his all-consuming intensity. It suggests his love is inseparable from his internal torment and capacity for violence.

“You’re my daughter, so it is my business.”


(Part 1, Chapter 19, Page 180)

This line from Elena’s father highlights the theme of control from a different angle. While not as overtly violent as the Silencer’s, his possessiveness is rooted in a past trauma that makes him unable to see Elena as an independent adult. This creates another layer of conflict she must navigate and foreshadows his increasing disregard for her agency.

“I fucking love you, Elena, and you will love me back. I don’t care if I have to destroy you in the process.”


(Part 1, Chapter 20, Page 188)

The Silencer’s declaration of love is intertwined with a threat, capturing his toxic and possessive nature. He frames his obsession as love but acknowledges it is a destructive force, one he is willing to unleash on Elena herself to achieve his goal of possessing her. He removes any opportunity for her to make her own decision rather than earning her love organically.

“The bad thing, Elena […] is that the only reason I stopped was because I heard you screaming for help.”


(Part 1, Chapter 20, Page 192)

This confession reveals Christian’s dual identity because he acknowledges he was present the night Elena was attacked—being the only one who could hear her scream and come to her aid as the Silencer. While Christian is attempting to be emotionally available and expose his depression, this also ensures that Elena’s discovery of his identity—and her justified anger at his lies and manipulation—comingles with sympathy. This makes it difficult for her to hold him accountable without compacting his suffering.

“What did you do to me, to make me so loyal, that I would let myself get raped and beaten to protect your secret?”


(Part 2, Chapter 24, Page 226)

Elena’s question highlights the psychological depth of Christian’s control, suggesting his influence is so deep it overrides her instinct for self-preservation. This moment articulates the central conflict of her character arc: reconciling her love for Christian with the immense suffering it causes her, thereby questioning whether her loyalty is a choice or a form of manipulation.

“How can I rid myself of an unhinged, psychopathic, murderous alter ego that’s ruled my life for the past two years? It’s not a switch I can just turn off when I want.”


(Part 2, Chapter 25, Page 228)

This quote explores Christian’s fractured psyche, depicting his alter ego as a separate, dominant personality that cannot be dismissed just because Elena asks. The diction—“unhinged, psychopathic, murderous”—characterizes the Silencer as a monstrous force beyond his control, separate and autonomous, thus sparing Christian responsibility for his actions. This internal conflict establishes that Christian’s vigilantism is a pathological symptom of his trauma, rather than a conscious decision he can simply reverse, but also shows how he avoids culpability for his actions.

“‘Why did you keep my secret?’ 


She sucks in a sharp breath, flattening the letter I wrote her against my chest, her words coming out as pathetic whimpers. 


‘Because I love you, too.’”


(Part 2, Chapter 28, Page 251)

This exchange culminates Elena’s internal conflict, reframing her traumatic experience as a conscious sacrifice for love. By confessing her love as the reason for protecting Christian’s identity, even when being attacked by Frank Valenti and Neil Hayden, she adds to the novel’s exploration of how love can justify and rationalize extreme violence and suffering. Just as Christian, as the Silencer, is willing to undergo risk and pain to protect Elena, she is willing to endure the same because of her feelings for him.

“Don’t you understand? I want you to hold me so badly, but I can’t stand the thought of you touching me at the same time.”


(Part 2, Chapter 30, Page 271)

Elena’s contradictory statement reveals the complex nature of her trauma, where the desire for intimacy clashes with the fear of physical contact. The author uses this moment to provide a raw, intimate look at the psychological schism experienced by assault survivors.

“Thomas Caledon Reeves, when interviewed, admitted to the murder of Diana, Lisa, and Mary Young. He was taken into custody on three counts of first-degree murder.”


(Part 2, Chapter 33, Page 298)

The revelation serves as the story’s inciting incident for the feud between the two families, re-contextualizing both Christian’s and Elliot’s motivations. It establishes that the trauma driving both men is interconnected, creating a narrative parallel between them. This discovery complicates Christian’s perception of his father and exposes the roots of the violent cycle he perpetuates.

“We’re both murderers, and now we must face our consequences: each other.”


(Part 2, Chapter 35, Page 305)

Christian’s declaration equates himself with Elliot, erasing the line between vigilante and murderer. This parallel structure emphasizes their shared guilt and the inevitability of their conflict, suggesting that their violent histories make a collision unavoidable. The word ‘consequences’ implies a form of karmic justice, where each man becomes the other’s punishment.

“I can give an angel her wings. But I can clip them, too, if it means I get to spend forever with her.”


(Part 2, Chapter 38, Page 323)

This quote encapsulates Christian’s possessive and controlling love for Elena, revealing his willingness to restrict her freedom under the guise of keeping her forever. The metaphor of clipping an angel’s wings illustrates the dangerous paradox of his love: He elevates her to a divine status while simultaneously planning to imprison her.

“‘That look means trouble.’


‘No,’ I say. ‘It means I'm in charge.’”


(Part 2, Chapter 41, Page 345)

Elena’s playful yet assertive statement when she and Christian partake in physical intimacy at a wedding shows her navigating her recovery by embracing her sexuality. The author uses this moment of verbal foreplay to demonstrate Elena’s healing process, moving her from a passive victim of sexual violence to an active agent of her own desire.

“I’d offer you my heart and my soul, but you’ve had both of those from the moment we met. What more of myself do I have left to give that you don’t already possess?”


(Part 2, Chapter 45, Page 364)

The proposal’s language portrays their union as the ultimate expression of Christian’s obsessive devotion. By stating Elena already “possess[es]” him, he equates love with a loss of individual identity, which is the core of his controlling behavior. This moment romanticizes the dynamic that has isolated and endangered Elena, casting it as the ultimate romantic ideal.

“I don’t know what Mr. Reeves’ first name is, but I am tired of calling him Mr. Reeves. I want to call him daddy instead, and I want to call Elena mommy.”


(Part 3, Chapter 47, Page 376)

Caroline’s letter conveys a desire for found family, one that aligns with Christian and Elena’s, through a child’s innocent perspective. Her simple desire to call Christian and Elena “daddy” and “mommy” cuts through legal complexities, arguing that the emotional bond they’ve formed is the most important factor for her adoption and future well-being. Caroline’s desire to be a family with them shows how neither the couple’s lives nor their dynamics with others are completely ruled by the violence and heartbreak they regularly experience.

“‘I didn’t ask if you love Christian Reeves.’ He says the name like it is a bitter poison on his lips as his hand returns to my throat. ‘I asked if you love me.’”


(Part 3, Chapter 52, Page 412)

This moment crystallizes the split between Christian and his Silencer persona. By demanding Elena love “me”—the violent alter ego—he forces her to confront and accept the darkest part of him. The name “Christian Reeves” becomes a “bitter poison,” signifying that he doesn’t see Christian as an accurate or complete representation of himself. He wants to know that Elena accepts both the good and bad inside him.

“‘You didn’t tell me dad was dying.’ ‘You didn’t tell me you married a serial killer.’”


(Part 3, Chapter 58, Page 450)

This sharp exchange between Elena and her mother frames their secrets as equivalent betrayals. It equates the moral horror of marrying a serial killer with the emotional pain of concealing a fatal illness. The parallel structure highlights the theme that secrets, regardless of their nature, fundamentally corrode trust within a family.

“You asked me to chase away the monsters under your bed. But the monster was never under your bed, was it? It was in your heart.”


(Part 3, Chapter 60, Page 457)

Elliot’s final words to Elena serve as a destructive thematic statement, recasting the central conflict as an internal one. By locating the ‘monster’ within Elena’s own heart, he blames her for the suffering she has experienced and determines that the only way to save her is by killing her. His conclusion demonstrates the unshakable nature of his prejudice and need for control over Elena.

“Grandpa, when are mommy and daddy coming back?”


(Epilogue, Page 461)

The novel concludes with Edwin holding Caroline, an innocent victim. The cycle of violence perpetuated by the central characters has left her as collateral damage with an elderly man who soon won’t be able to care for her either. Caroline’s simple query emphasizes the cyclical nature of loss, as she is again an orphan, now left in the care of the man whose failures initiated the tragedy, leaving her future uncertain.

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