Sage reflects on what adults teach children about death versus the reality of grief. While adults correctly say it is okay to be sad, angry, or to laugh, they fail to mention that these feelings do not occur in an orderly fashion and can instead happen all at once. The narrator has discovered that grief can also introduce new, unidentifiable emotions. They resolve that if they become a parent, they will tell their own children the full truth: Losing someone feels like an overwhelming “ocean of sorrow” but, even when it feels like you’re drowning, you can always find “something to hold on to” (3).

Sage introduces her friend Ebony, whom she met in a grief support group. Reflecting on the word “grief,” the narrator is reminded of her deceased best friend, with whom she shared everything from childhood games to her deepest secrets. She feels that no one can ever know her as completely as her best friend did. While she values her friendship with Ebony, the narrator clarifies that Ebony is not a replacement. Because Ebony also understands grief, she respects this boundary and does not try to take the place of the narrator’s lost friend.

Sage reveals that her best friend was killed by a car one month ago, on Sage’s birthday. She is now part of an after-school grief group with four other girls whom she introduces. Ebony lost her father to an unexpected heart attack, Zay’s grandmother died while on hospice, Ana lost her twin to leukemia, and the police “murdered” DD’s brother. Their counselor, Ms. Carver, stresses the importance of using each other to heal. Her only two rules are to speak “openly” and to listen compassionately.

The group is divided by different experiences with death. The narrator, Ebony, and DD share a bond because their loved ones died suddenly and unfairly, referencing events like a police chokehold or a drunk driving accident. They had no warning and no chance to say goodbye. In contrast, Ana and Zay were able to be with their loved ones as they died, giving them time to talk, make peace, and say goodbye. Sage reveals a private resentment, admitting to tuning out Ana and Zay because their grief feels different. The narrator believes the experience of sudden loss sets her, Ebony, and DD apart, creating a fundamental divide within the group.

The meetings always have food and drink, which Sage consumes to avoid talking. One day, Ms. Carver instructs them to choose five words from a list to explain how each member is feeling.

Sage describes the five words that she chose. She feels sad about a canceled Broadway play, lonely without her best friend who was her constant companion, and anxious about the fragility of the body. This anxiety is specifically tied to a fear of cars and streets after her friend was killed in an accident. Although Sage tells their father they are fine to walk to school alone, he senses her distress and walks with her.

The fourth emotion Sage feels is tiredness from crying so much. Lastly, she admits to feeling guilty over her friend’s death. She admits to the reader, “[I]t’s all my fault” (11).

Ms. Carver explains that there is no single correct way to experience grief. She lists numerous contrasting reactions people have, such as embracing pain versus avoiding it, crying versus sleeping, or remembering every detail versus forgetting. She concludes that all these responses are valid. Ms. Carver’s central advice is that it is important for a grieving person to let themselves genuinely feel all their emotions, even joy, and to communicate their needs to others.

After their group meeting, Sage goes with Ebony to a Jamaican bakery. Sage reveals in an internal monologue that the bakery opened on the same day her best friend died, which was also Sage’s birthday. She feels that her friend’s death is entirely her fault. As they walk, she contemplates the constant mix of good and bad things happening simultaneously throughout her neighborhood. When Ebony invites her for a sleepover, Sage lies about having plans and declines the offer.

Sage spends the entire weekend thinking about what she “would be doing” if her best friend hadn’t died (15).

Sage reflects on the various things she would have done with her best friend. She knows they would have spent the weekend with Aunt Ini, who Sage considers a grandmother. Aunt Ini raised Sage’s father after her sister, Sage’s father’s mother, died. Sage imagines their usual activities: walking in Central Park to see the tulips, thrift shopping, visiting museums, or learning to cook Jamaican family recipes.

Sage thinks that she and her friend would have walked through Morningside Park with her friend’s older sister, Brielle. They liked to look at the turtles in the water and invent stories about them.

Sage continues to reflect on what she would have done with her friend this weekend. She imagines them buying Coco Helado from a street cart and walking through Harlem as if they were “grown” despite being “[b]arely teenagers” (19).

Sage thinks about the futures that she and her best friend used to discuss. Sage wanted to be a pilot, while her friend wanted to be a coder. Despite others warning them about the difficulty of these careers, Sage now notes that it is much more difficult to know that her friend has no future at all—and that she is left alone to live hers.

Sage simply states that she got to turn 13 years old while her best friend did not.

Sage explains her living situation. Her parents divorced when she was in the sixth grade, and when they gave her the choice, she immediately decided to live with her father. Her mother purchased a condo nearby to remain close. Sage visits her every other weekend.

Sage’s older brother, Spencer, was already away at Howard University during the divorce, so he did not have to choose a primary residence. When he is home from school, he drifts between his parents’ homes and those of his friend and girlfriend. Sage notes that their father has kept Spencer’s room completely intact, as if hoping he will eventually move back in.

Even though their father thinks Spencer will move back home, Sage knows that he won’t. She insists that he loves his life pursuing his dreams away from home. She then compares her brother leaving to her best friend; while Spencer is happy to have left for college, she wonders where her best friend went.

Sage details the specific changes in the house now that Spencer is gone. On one hand, there is more food available without Spencer’s large appetite. On the other hand, the house is now quiet, missing the loud music, sing-alongs, and playful rap battles that Spencer used to initiate.

One important thing Sage has noticed that changed is that her father watches games alone, quietly, instead of yelling during them with Spencer. She wonders whether she should join her father to watch the one on now.

Sage decides to watch the game with her father. Despite Sage being less enthusiastic than Spencer would have been, her father enjoys their time and suggests they do it again. Sage agrees, and they proceed to order a pizza with toppings that Spencer would not have chosen. To Sage, it feels like they have “started / a new Friday night tradition” (27).

After the game, Sage gets into bed and turns her music on.

Music helps Sage deal with her anxiety over her friend’s death. She wakes with nightmares that she was the one who was killed by a car and that her family has to grieve her death. This fear is so vivid that she imagines her family dressed in black and grieving for her at a funeral.

After her anxiety calms, Sage notes that she must now face the reality that she didn’t die—her friend did. She admits that she didn’t see it happen, yet she can still vividly imagine the scene in her mind. She describes visions of her friend dying in the hit-and-run.

Ms. Carver tells Sage and the others that questions are part of grieving, even if those questions can never be answered. She suggests that they use their journals to write down their questions, which Sage does often.

Two questions that Sage writes down are whether it is “as devastating” to kill someone as to lose someone, and whether the driver who killed her best friend has nightmares, as Sage does.

Sage wonders what her friend’s parents will do with all the personal belongings she left behind in her room. She worries about a wide array of items, from posters and everyday clothing to more sentimental possessions like her collection of vintage Barbies and books she has owned since childhood.

Despite promising her friend’s family that she would still visit because they saw her as “a bonus family member” (34), Sage has not been to see them since her friend died. Her mother insists that the family still needs time, while Sage notes that she cannot walk the fastest route there, as she is unable to go by the spot where her friend died.

Sage describes how difficult it is to get up in the morning. While she is physically tired from staying awake late due to nightmares and writing in her journal, the main reason is emotional. Starting the day is a painful reminder that her best friend is gone and will no longer be waiting to explore the city or send a text. She concludes that this grief has left both her body and her heart exhausted.

Aunt Ini visits, pretending that she was nearby, but Sage knows that she lives all the way in Brooklyn—while Sage is in Harlem—and that Aunt Ini is truly there to check on her. The visit triggers a memory of how Aunt Ini used to take Sage and her friend on outings, a tradition that stopped after the friend’s death. Aunt Ini urges her to get out of bed and start living again. Sage resists, but Aunt Ini argues that it is sometimes necessary to do what is good for you even when you lack the motivation.