For the Fans

Football is a recurring motif through which the novel develops Kyran’s changing relationship with identity, achievement, and public scrutiny. Early in the novel, the football field is one of the few places where Kyran feels certain of his role. The rigid rules, high expectations, and external validation that stands in stark contrast to his chaotic inner life. Early in the novel, he acknowledges this dependency, reflecting, “[t]he football field has always been the place where I shine. I play because I’m good at it, but also because I need it. Football is the biggest part of my image” (30). At the same time, because the sport is so closely tied to his confidence and future, intrusions from his unstable family life—particularly Avi’s unexpected presence as the team mascot—initially feel threatening to the separation Kyran has tried to create between different parts of himself.

As the novel progresses, however, football becomes increasingly entangled with Kyran’s emotional life rather than remaining an escape from it. Avi encourages him during games, Kyran’s anxiety and relationship conflicts affect his performance, and memories of Avi eventually help him regain focus during a crucial football game. These intersections develop the theme of The Burden of Maintaining a Public Image, particularly Kyran’s fear that acknowledge his sexuality or relationship with Avi could destroy the athletic identity on which so much of his self-worth depends. His eventual decision to introduce Avi publicly as his boyfriend after the Rose Bowl begins to dismantle the wall between his two identities. By the novel’s end, Kyran is able to enter the NFL without returning to the false persona he once believes his athletic success required. Football remains important to him, but it no longer has to exist separately from his sexuality, relationships, or emotional life.