Throughout the memoir, Hirsi Ali looks at the different mechanisms of gendered socialization, suggesting that these mechanisms have to be dismantled so women can reclaim their agency.

One of the ways Hirsi Ali illustrates how socialized gender roles erase the agency of a woman is through examining the weaponization of language. The Somali concept of a baarri, the ideal woman, is a case in point. In Hirsi Ali’s words: “A woman who is baarri is like a pious slave. She honors her husband’s family and feeds them without question or complaint […] If her husband is cruel, if he rapes her […], if he decides to take another wife, or beats her, she […] hides her tears” (11). Somali women are brought up to be baarri, their family’s “honor” depending on it. When a woman strays from the path of a baarri, she shames her father and brothers. By raising baarri—eternal victimhood and silence—onto a pedestal, society ensures empowerment and voice are seen as shameful sins.

Gendered norms also obliterate women’s agency through designating the female body a site of shame. The clitoris, the focus of female pleasure, is deemed monstrous and impure, as can be seen when