Older generations grew up playing more independently. It used to be normal for children to have hours of unstructured free time every day in which they played outside with their friends or had some hobbies. This was great for their mental and physical health, since playing puts you in “Discover Mode,” rewarding your work and curiosity. Kids who spend more time in Discover Mode become grown-ups who keep learning and overcoming challenges.

Sadly, “play-based” childhoods have sometimes become replaced with “phone-based” childhoods (25). While people used to have television, movies, and phones, they were much more limited. The introduction of the smartphone really changed things: Suddenly, kids can have constant entertainment no matter where they are. These phones are not just tools to send a message or make a call, they can interrupt kids constantly and become addictive to them.

While some smartphone tools, such as calendars and calculators, are beneficial, most are “time wasters.” These include addictive games and social media, such as TikTok, Instagram, SnapChat, and Roblox, which encourage endless playing and scrolling.

The authors feel that some apps could be either beneficial or time wasters depending on how you use them. For instance, YouTube can be a useful tool for learning, or a huge timewaster.

The authors point to studies which show a correlation between the introduction of the smart phone and worsening youth mental health. They suggest that as youth used smartphones more, their friendships suffered, they felt less capable of trying new things, and they were exposed to new digital dangers. They point to studies that show that social media use and depression are correlated.

Haidt and Price believe that spending a lot of time online can put people’s brains into “Defend Mode,” making them feel anxious, insecure, or overwhelmed. Reading bad news or a mean comment can trigger this mental state, which is the opposite of the curious and confident “Discover Mode.” In kids’ testimonials, they share that they wish smartphones and social media had not interrupted their childhood, or even that they had never been invented. The authors feel that using technology at this young age is particularly harmful, arguing that young people have been tricked and trapped into becoming dependent on their phones. Since adolescents’ brains are more flexible, they are more easily influenced and can be more susceptible to developing unhealthy digital habits. In a testimonial by a 22-year-old named Ben, he reflects on how social media seems more social than it really is, and he urges young people to embrace being different and living a better life without social media.

In the next graphic novel passage, Tyler struggles to skateboard and uses his phone to search how to improve his skateboarding skills. Jax, who doesn’t have a phone, lands a flip, and Tyler films him. Later, the kids trick- or-treat on Halloween. They have fun but Emma interrupts them to take pictures for social media. Later at school, Emma is distracted talking about people’s social media posts with other phone friends, and ignores Callie’s offers of in-person friendship. Instead, Callie goes for bubble tea with Jax and Sophie, her other friends who don’t have smartphones.

By acknowledging the potential benefits of technology, the authors add nuance to their argument. Rather than portraying all apps as negative, they divide them into two broad categories, “Tools” and “Time-Wasters.” This insight allows them to critique the more predatory and detrimental aspects of technology without demonizing it in general. They continue to portray the “tech wizards” as intentionally predatory. For example, they quote Facebook president Sean Parker as saying,

‘How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?…When Facebook was getting going, I had these people who came up to me and they would say, ‘I’m not on social media…I value my real-life interactions, I value the moment, I value presence, I value intimacy.’ And I would say ‘We’ll get you eventually’ (32-33).

Parker’s words suggest that tech leaders such as himself do not care about adding value to people’s lives, but about gaining as much of their attention as possible to maximize their profits. The authors’ inclusion of personal testimonials in this passage adds an emotional element to their arguments. The teens and young adults’ reflections reveal their regrets about how gaming and social media dominated their adolescence. For instance, 19-year-old Matthew writes, “I missed out on a lot of social experiences. I didn’t go to sporting events. I never had those early youth experiences of ‘young love’ […] I wish I had simply lived life more, rather than allowing myself to be consumed by the addictive online world” (44). 

Matthew’s regrets connect his adolescent online behavior with his limited social skills, which continue to affect his life. By sharing how his digital dependency cost him real-life experiences, Matthew reminds the reader that time is precious, and time spent online is time missed elsewhere. This message is echoed in this section’s graphic novel passage in which Emma neglects her friendship with Callie to focus on social media. The comic shows that phone use does not destroy friendships right away, but over time undermines people’s ability to deeply connect and be present with their friends. This suggests that devices do kids more harm than good in terms of fostering meaningful connections.

Chapter Lessons

• Studies show that there is a correlation between social media use and depression
• Playing and socializing in real life helps build knowledge and social skills in “Discover Mode”
• Gaming and social media can waste your time and might put your brain in “Defend Mode”

Reflection Questions

• How does scrolling social media make you feel? Does it deepen your real-life friendships? Why or why not?
• The authors argue that hobbies and independent play help kids develop. What are your favorite things to do without devices? Would decreasing your screen time help you improve at these skills or enjoy them more?
• What part of your life puts you in “Discover Mode”? What about “Defend Mode”? Could you make choices that help to keep you in Discover Mode more often?