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Chapter 34-Epilogue 2Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of death, graphic violence, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal ideation, self-harm, antigay bias, and cursing.
Chapter 34 Summary: “Nikolai”
Nikolai reflects on his evolving relationship with Brandon during their third date in London. Over the past several days, Brandon has been exceptionally affectionate, and Nikolai has even met his family. While walking in a park, Brandon opens up about his past, explaining that his obsession with control and rigid schedules began as a coping mechanism to avoid being trapped in his own thoughts. He calls Nikolai a “glitch” in his methodical life, but Nikolai is proud that Brandon is letting go around him.
Nikolai agrees to model for Brandon again, hoping to help him overcome his inability to paint people. His possessiveness flares when a little girl calls the couple a “fairy-tale prince and his servant” (522), leading to a tense and jealous exchange in which Nikolai speculates that Brandon would prefer a prince of his own—someone more like Jayden Adler. To reassure him, Brandon declares that he never wanted a prince, preferring an “unhinged motherfucker” like Nikolai (524). The dynamic between them shifts significantly when Brandon calls Nikolai “baby” for the first time. The chapter concludes with Brandon initiating a deeply passionate kiss in public, solidifying their connection.
Chapter 35 Summary: “Nikolai”
Nikolai is spending his final days in London with Brandon’s family. He has grown close to Astrid and continues privately researching self-harm, determined to address Brandon’s cutting once they return to the island. He reassures Brandon that he won’t allow antigay bias from the Bratva to come between them.
At dinner, Nikolai notices Brandon becoming withdrawn and tense in the presence of Astrid’s agent, Grace. Brandon makes Nikolai promise not to speak to her, which Nikolai interprets as stress over the earlier agent dispute. Despite the promise, Grace corners Nikolai in the hallway and makes veiled, threatening remarks, demanding that Nikolai leave Brandon alone. She then facetiously asks for his number and promises to send a “goodbye gift.” Though she doesn’t actually expect him to give her his number, he does so “to mess with her” (533).
While waiting in Brandon’s studio, Nikolai discovers sketchbooks filled with detailed portraits of himself—including the first eyes Brandon has drawn in years—alongside disturbing self-portraits in which Brandon’s own face is obscured by violent, paper-puncturing black lines.
Grace sends Nikolai surveillance footage showing herself sexually assaulting a 15-or-16-year-old Brandon, silencing his repeated attempts to refuse. Nikolai shatters a glass in his hand as he watches, and he becomes consumed by rage, internally stating that he will never come back from what he has just witnessed.
Chapter 36 Summary: “Brandon”
Brandon reflects on his history with Grace Bruckner, his mother’s powerful mentor. When he was 15, Grace groomed and sexually assaulted him during private art lessons, exploiting his jealousy of Landon and his desire for recognition. Afterward, Brandon confronted Grace privately, forcing her to end the lessons by threatening to expose the footage she sent him, though he never actually could have done so. He has kept the assault secret for over eight years, silenced by shame, stigma, and his mother’s career dependence on Grace.
Brandon also discloses that before and after the assault, he felt no sexual attraction to anyone—male or female—and had long internalized this as a personal failing. He acknowledges that his relationship with Nikolai has forced him to confront the lies he told himself about being unaffected, and he resolves to get help so that he can be honest with Nikolai and his family after his mother’s upcoming exhibition ends.
That plan collapses when Brandon arrives at his studio and finds that Grace has sent Nikolai the assault footage. Overwhelmed by the sight of Nikolai’s devastated expression, Brandon impulsively uses a shard of broken glass to slash his own throat. As he loses consciousness on the floor, Nikolai holds him, applies pressure to the wound, and pleads desperately for him to survive. Brandon’s hand goes limp.
Chapter 37 Summary: “Nikolai”
Nikolai waits at the hospital while Brandon undergoes a seven-hour surgery following his suicide attempt. Brandon’s family is also present. Landon angrily blames Levi for mishandling Brandon’s depression and then confronts Nikolai for not preventing the incident. After a tense wait, a doctor informs them that Brandon is stable and will survive.
While the family expresses relief, Nikolai knows the fight for Brandon’s well-being is just beginning. Believing that he must destroy Brandon’s “demons,” he leaves the hospital without seeing him. He contacts his own father, Kyle, who has flown in to help him exact revenge. Joined by Landon, Nikolai goes to the apartment of Grace, Brandon’s abuser.
They confront a panicked Grace and force her to write a detailed confession framed as a suicide note expressing years of guilt. Afterward, Nikolai and Landon kill her in her bathtub by slashing her wrists. Nikolai’s father watches approvingly and plans to have his associates stage the scene as a suicide, an act of vengeance that Nikolai believes is necessary for Brandon’s recovery.
Chapter 38 Summary: “Brandon”
Brandon awakens in the hospital, alive but filled with guilt. His parents and Glyn are there, and they reveal that they have seen the video of his assault by Grace. They express guilt for not noticing his suffering and offer their unconditional love and support. This revelation helps Brandon realize that his fears of being a disappointment were unfounded, and he finally confesses everything he has hidden for eight years and asks for help to get better. His parents promise to press charges against Grace.
Landon arrives, and the two have an emotional reconciliation, admitting that they have always needed each other. Brandon then confesses his love for Nikolai to Landon, who accepts the relationship for his brother’s happiness (his hesitation isn’t about Brandon’s sexuality but because he and Nikolai are leaders of rival clubs and have long viewed each other as enemies) and reveals that Nikolai is waiting outside. When Nikolai enters, he confronts a fearful Brandon, confessing that he can’t live without him. Brandon explains that he feared Nikolai would see him as weak and leave. They affirm their love, with Brandon promising to get therapy and Nikolai vowing to stand by him through his recovery. They share a kiss, cementing the start of their new life together.
Epilogue 1 Summary: “Brandon: Six Months Later”
Six months later, Brandon and Nikolai are living together in a deeply loving and supportive relationship. Brandon learns (falsely) that Grace died by suicide and left a confession note; he feels that justice has been served. He’s now in therapy and healing from his trauma, supported by his family, friends, and especially Nikolai. The couple navigates Nikolai’s manic episodes together, having found a new medication that helps control them without suppressing his personality. Nikolai has learned to rely on Brandon for support during these times instead of pushing him away. After a warm interaction with Nikolai’s father, Brandon reveals a new tattoo over his heart that reads “Niko’s Lotus Flower” (588). They exchange loving revelations about past secret confessions, solidifying their bond. Brandon looks in the mirror and, for the first time, sees not his past trauma but a happy future with Nikolai.
Epilogue 2 Summary: “Nikolai: Two Years Later”
Two years later, Nikolai arrives at an award ceremony to celebrate his partner, Brandon, who’s now a highly successful artist. Nikolai has just returned from a week in the US for his new role in the Bratva, a separation that was painful for both of them. They decide that Brandon will move to the US with him so that they’re never apart again. After leaving the ceremony, they go to Brandon’s family home. In his studio, Brandon unveils a new painting depicting the night they first met, revealing that he had a crush on Nikolai from the beginning. He then gets on one knee and proposes. A thrilled Nikolai accepts immediately. They exchange rings, engraved with a lotus flower and their initials, and commit to spending the rest of their lives together.
Chapter 34-Epilogue 2 Analysis
When Brandon uses a shard of glass to attempt suicide in Chapter 36, the act is a physical consequence of psychological pain that has become uncontainable; the self-harm that has marked his body for years escalates at the moment he can no longer manage what Nikolai now knows. This is the culmination of The Danger of Repressing Trauma. Brandon’s internal monologue in Chapter 36, saturated with self-blame and shame, shows how long silence has allowed the harm of Grace’s sexual assault to compound—not only within Brandon himself but also across his relationships with his family and eventually Nikolai. Throughout the novel, it has been clear that Brandon’s carefully controlled persona is a defense against his traumatic memories, though the specifics of his trauma remained undisclosed because Brandon wasn’t ready to face them. His disclosure here—precipitated by the crisis of his suicide attempt—enacts his own internal confrontation with the harm Grace did to him, paving the way for healing.
Before the full revelation in Chapter 36, Nikolai’s discovery of Brandon’s sketchbooks in Chapter 35 provides an earlier, visual signal of the divide between Brandon’s public and private selves. Among the pages of detailed, carefully rendered portraits of Nikolai—including eyes, which Brandon has been unable to draw for years—Nikolai also finds self-portraits in which Brandon’s own face is obscured by “chaotic black lines so deep, they puncture[] the paper” (534). The contrast illustrates Brandon’s fragmented psyche: He can observe and render another person with clarity, but he can’t face his own image without obliterating it. His ability to draw Nikolai’s eyes for the first time in years points to a developing capacity for trust and connection, while the defaced self-portraits register the self-loathing he hasn’t yet confronted. The sketchbooks function as a record of this contradiction—intimacy extending outward at the same moment that self-perception remains fractured.
These chapters also cover significant developments in the relationships surrounding Brandon. Chapters 34 and 35 show Nikolai becoming more integrated into Brandon’s family life in London, meeting extended family members and forming a bond with Astrid, while Brandon begins to open up about his need for control and his daily routines. The warmth and tentative ease of this period—captured in the park scene in Chapter 34, where Brandon holds Nikolai’s hand in public without hesitation—heightens the impact of what follows. Chapter 35 also establishes Grace’s menace before her role is fully understood: Brandon’s visible distress at dinner and his urgent request that Nikolai not speak to her build narrative tension and foreshadow the coming revelation, while Grace’s veiled threat to Nikolai in the hallway sets the revelation of the surveillance footage in motion. Nikolai and Landon’s killing of Grace in Chapter 37 is framed within the novel’s dark-romance conventions as an extralegal act of vengeance that unites the former enemies Nikolai and Landon. Despite their mutual and longstanding hostility, the two are bound together by their love for Brandon. The book continues to portray Brandon’s Healing as a Group Project, and Landon and Nikolai understand that they’re now both on the same team.
Chapter 38 and the Epilogues chart the movement from crisis toward recovery across multiple relationships simultaneously. Brandon’s disclosure to his parents and Glyn is as significant as his reconciliation with Nikolai: He tells his family the full truth for the first time, receives their unconditional love in response, and asks for help directly. His parents’ guilt and reassurance, Glyn’s refusal to leave his side, and Landon’s admission of how much Brandon matters to him together constitute the broader support network that the novel has been building toward. The reconciliation with Landon is particularly important given how much of Brandon’s original vulnerability was bound up in their rivalry and estrangement; their exchange in the hospital, including Landon’s acknowledgment that he always needed Brandon, closes one of the novel’s longest-running tensions. The reunion with Nikolai follows, and both characters name what they were afraid of: Brandon feared being seen as weak and losing Nikolai, while Nikolai couldn’t bear the thought of losing Brandon at all.
The Epilogues offer narrative closure, showing Brandon well on the road toward healing. Six months later, Brandon is in therapy, his family relationships are repaired, and he and Nikolai have learned to support each other through their respective challenges. The novel is careful to present this as an active and imperfect process rather than a resolved state: Nikolai’s new medication is still being tested, and Brandon notes that he still can’t quite smile at his own reflection. What has changed is his willingness to remain present rather than conceal. The tattoo he has placed over his heart in the first Epilogue—“Niko’s Lotus Flower” (588)—reflects this shift. Brandon is no longer only the recipient of Nikolai’s nickname; he has claimed the identity Nikolai perceived in him, marking it as his own. By the final Epilogue, when Brandon proposes and the two exchange engraved rings, the resolution is grounded in this accumulated progress rather than in a single redemptive moment. The closing image of Brandon looking at his reflection and seeing a future rather than his past confirms the movement that the mirror motif has been tracking throughout the novel: not the erasure of what happened but a changed relationship to it.
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