Brandon’s art becomes a symbol of his divided self, contrasting the public identity he performs with the private trauma he conceals. His landscape paintings are technically proficient, orderly, and emotionally sterile, representing the “golden-boy” facade he maintains for his family and peers. These are the works that are publicly celebrated but that Landon dismisses as “boring” and unoriginal. The landscapes symbolize the rigid control that Brandon exerts over his life and emotions, a form of artistic silence that perpetuates his trauma by refusing to give it a voice. In stark opposition are his secret, chaotic abstract paintings, which are filled with “haphazard strokes” of violent color like red and black. These canvases are the only place where Brandon allows his repressed pain, anger, and turmoil to surface, serving as a raw, unfiltered expression of the self he keeps hidden.

The turning point for this symbol occurs when Landon discovers one of the chaotic pieces and declares it “fucking brilliant.” This moment is key, as it’s the first time the hidden, “monstrous” part of Brandon’s identity is not only seen but also validated as the source of his true artistic genius. It challenges Brandon’s belief that his trauma makes him “defective,” suggesting instead that his turbulent emotions are the source of his best work. This validation, later reinforced by Nikolai’s acceptance of all parts of him, is important to Brandon’s healing. The paintings thus symbolize the core conflict between secrecy and honesty, illustrating that embracing his authentic, chaotic self is the only path toward true connection and creative fulfillment.

The lotus flower is a recurring symbol that defines Nikolai’s unique and healing perception of Brandon. Nikolai introduces the nickname early in their interactions, explaining, “You know, because you managed to bloom so beautifully while surrounded by the muddy swamp that is Landon” (53). In this context, the “muddy swamp” represents not only the pressure from his antagonistic twin but also the entirety of the difficult, traumatic circumstances from which Brandon has emerged. Unlike others who only see Brandon’s polished but fragile exterior, Nikolai immediately identifies a core of resilience and beauty that not just survives its harsh environment but is, in fact, strengthened by it. The symbol signifies Nikolai’s ability to see and value the true self Brandon works so hard to hide.

The symbol’s meaning deepens as their relationship evolves. For Brandon, the nickname is a constant affirmation of his strength, an assertion that beauty doesn’t exist in spite of suffering but can bloom directly from it. The lotus flower doesn’t erase the “muddy swamp” but transforms it into a source of nourishment and growth. This concept is instrumental to Brandon’s healing, as it allows him to begin integrating his past rather than trying to erase it. The name becomes an intimate term of endearment that encapsulates the hope and deep acceptance at the heart of their romance, representing the idea that being truly seen is a powerful catalyst for change.