I'll Have What She's Having

Handler remembers her last session with Dan. She took his advice and listed the kind of man she’d want to be with post-therapy. She includes the list. The man would be emotionally strong, a skier, loyal, loving, and independent. Handler is glad she wrote the list even if she wasn’t looking for love then. Per Dan’s encouragement, she also decided to make a gratitude journal.

Handler describes her experiences during the winter of 2020. She wanted to spend the next lockdown in Whistler and secured a residency with Vogue Theatre in Vancouver to get her visa. Once in Canada, she quarantined with her dogs for two weeks per Canada’s guidelines. During this time, she read and journaled every day. She includes her 14 entries.

After quarantine, Handler started skiing every day. She woke up happy every morning. She still loves her Whistler house and is so thankful she has this place.

Handler recounts more of her experiences in Whistler. When she first bought her house, she didn’t know anyone in the area. Her friend connected her with a local named Donna. Handler didn’t want to ski with Donna because she’d been enjoying her alone time but made herself go. On the mountain, she met Donna and her friend Lucy, both of whom were in their sixties. Handler was surprised when the women treated her rudely and insisted Canadians didn’t want Handler there. Handler ignored their comments and skied with them. The women were competitive and condescended to her when she didn’t keep up. Then on one slope, Donna fell. Handler saw it as karma. At lunch, Handler decided not to eat with them and had a margarita at the bar alone instead.

Handler reflects on women like Donna and Lucy who put other women down. Her experience with them taught her about sisterhood and intolerance. At this point in her life she wouldn’t waste time with unkind people. In the following days, she hired a different woman to guide and teach her on the mountain.

Handler describes her friend from Whistler, Angela Shoniker, or Ange. Ange is a feisty, energetic, competitive athlete. She competes in all sorts of events and never stops moving. She also “has a temper” (108), which will go off if others are incompetent, slow, or lazy. Handler finds her outbursts funny but knows she’s strong, too. Last year, Ange saved a man from an avalanche. She reflects on how powerful Ange is.

Handler recalls one of her past relationships. She was dating a divorced man “with three daughters, ages eight, nine, and seventeen” (111). Both of their parents traveled for work and the eldest often cared for the younger two while they were gone. Handler wasn’t ready to meet them two months into the relationship, but the girls showed up at the boyfriend’s house unannounced on Valentine’s Day. Confused, Handler joked with the younger two who she began calling Whoopsie and Oopsie. She spoke to the eldest (who refers to as Poopsie) outside. Poopsie was upset because her dad promised to take her out but now he was bailing on her. Handler called the boyfriend and insisted he take Poopsie out while she stayed home with the younger girls. The boyfriend resisted but Handler didn’t give in. She was bothered by his behavior and told him the girls needed him.

The boyfriend tried to invest in the girls over the following days, but it didn’t last. Poopsie was particularly hurt by his disengagement. Meanwhile, Handler started seeing the girls regularly. A month later, the girls’ mom invited Handler on their family vacation. She worried her ex would work the whole time and the girls would misbehave if Handler wasn’t there. Handler’s friends warned her against going but she went for the girls.

Handler spent the majority of the vacation with Whoopsie and Oopsie. They joked that Handler was like a stepfather and started calling her Father. Handler fell in love with them. She is open about being child-free but she values her role in the girls’ lives.

The boyfriend spent more time with Poopsie in the following months. In the spring, he and Handler took her prom-dress shopping. Poopsie told Handler how grateful she was for her and admitted her dad’s last girlfriend had been jealous of her.

Handler reflects on her relationships with the girls. She always feels good investing in their lives. Their dynamic is rewarding and giving.

Handler and the boyfriend broke up not long later. Handler realized she loved the girls more than him. The boyfriend accused her of hurting the girls. Handler went to her therapist, who suggested she talk to Poopsie about the breakup, but not the younger two. Handler wrote Poopsie an email but never heard back.

A few weeks later, the girls’ mom contacted Handler, telling her how much the girls missed her. Handler’s friends didn’t think she should get involved with them again but Handler loved them. She started attending their games and concerts events and seeing them regularly. Meanwhile, she read parenting books. Then one night, Poopsie called Handler for help. Handler gave her a ride and let her sleep over. Handler never told her parents about this because she wanted to make her feel safe. She reflects more on these relationships. She cares about the girls’ lives because she cares about family.

Handler shares more about her relationships with the girls. She stayed in their lives over the next five years. Poopsie was in college but Handler saw Whoopsie and Oopsie consistently. Handler had a better dynamic with their dad now and one summer he asked her to take Whoopsie and Oopsie on vacation. Her friends advised against it, but Handler took the girls to her house in Mallorca anyway.

At 13 and 14, the girls often fought. The trip was difficult but Handler didn’t give up. Back at home, she started taking parenting classes. She read more parenting books, too. She showered the girls with love. Then one night, she took Whoopsie to a show. Backstage, Whoopsie showed Handler the playlist she made to feel calm. Handler was amazed, and wondered what other secret parts of her there were. In reflection, Handler asserts that while she’s child-free she is still a parent.

Handler shares a story about returning to LA from Whistler. She closed up the chalet and headed home to do an interview at a conference. While in makeup beforehand, she realized that half of her face was darker than the other half from all the time she’d spent skiing.