I'll Have What She's Having

Shana, Simone, Glen, and Roy are Handler’s four older siblings. Handler references her experiences and relationships with them throughout I’ll Have What She’s Having. In “Hard Lemonade,” she describes her experience opening a lemonade stand with Shana—a business arrangement that proved unsuitable for Handler. In “The Beginning of the Beginning,” Handler describes her time with Simone and Simone’s children during COVID. In “Cuomo You Don’t,” “To All My Nuggets,” “Maine,” and “Maine Part Deux,” Handler details more family experiences with her siblings in Martha’s Vineyard and Maine. These anecdotal episodes capture Handler’s abiding love for Shana, Simone, Glen, and Roy. While they don’t always get along, Handler sees their conflicts as opportunities for growth. For example, in “To All My Nuggets,” Handler writes her siblings and their children an email insisting that they show more respect and work harder to get along as a family; the email conveys Handler’s refusal to give up on her sibling relationships even when they encounter challenges. Furthermore, she sees her personal success as a way to give to and invest in her siblings’ lives. She is generous with her time, money, and love, because she cares about them and their children. The siblings’ recurrence throughout the text illustrates their essential role in Handler’s life.

Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie primarily feature in the chapters “Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie,” “De Facto Parenting,” “Sunny Side Up,” “Spring Break,” and “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.” They are the three daughters of one of Handler’s ex-boyfriends. Handler meets the girls only two months into this relationship and is initially hesitant about getting to know them. However, she quickly sees how much love the girls need. Their parents are divorced and both consumed by work. Because their jobs also require them to travel, they are in the habit of leaving 17-year-old Poopsie at home alone to care for her younger sisters, who are eight and nine when Handler meets them. Handler immediately understands that their emotional outpourings and allegedly “bad behaviors” are the direct result of their fraught family situation and parents’ absence.

Handler develops deep and lasting connections with all three of the girls. When she is dating their father, they joke that she is Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie’s stepfather. The girls start calling her Father, a moniker that ends up sticking for years to come and encapsulates Handler’s investment in their lives. Handler feels for Poopsie because Poopsie longs for connection with her dad. She also identifies with Whoopsie, whose behavioral patterns remind her of her own when she was young. Even after Handler and the girls’ dad break up, Handler stays in the girls’ lives. She attends their school and athletic events. She also takes them on vacations or hosts them at her houses. Her devotion to them is inspired by pure, guileless love. Furthermore, Handler feels joyful and fulfilled being close with Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie. She sees both their vulnerability and their strength, and encourages them to care for and value themselves. Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie also teach Handler how loving and caring she is. While she is child-free, she cares about children and takes it upon herself to be the person to the girls that their parents can’t be. Her empathy and grace surprise even her and reveal the gentle, generous parts of her heart.

Ange is one of Handler’s close friends. She resurfaces throughout I’ll Have What She’s Having, but Handler introduces her in detail in the chapter “Angela Shoniker.” Ange is one of the first and closest friends Handler makes in Whistler. In “Angela Shoniker”—which reads like an ode to Ange—Handler remarks on Ange’s strength, determination, spirit, and ferocity. In particular, she is a competitive athlete. She competes in various tournaments, running, biking, and endurance events. She is also in constant motion, caring for her family, friends, and community.

The way that Handler describes Ange conveys her admiration and respect for her. Handler doesn’t simply laud Ange’s athletic talent, she honors her heart. She sees Ange as a true sister. In the chapter “Doug Handler,” for example, Handler describes a time when Ange helped her shoot her birthday video. After devoting hours of energy to the shoot, Ange came home with Handler, cooked her dinner, spent time with her, and left when she noticed that Handler needed to be alone. Her kindness and generosity, Handler remarks, are always paired with her awareness of others. Handler uses Ange as a representation of what close female friendships can look like and offer.

Jane Fonda is an actress and activist. She is also a good friend and colleague of Handler’s. Handler makes reference to their relationship in chapters including “Jane Fonda” and “Full Circle.” In “Jane Fonda,” Handler receives an email from Jane asking her to come over for dinner; Jane’s cold tone in the letter alerts Handler to the fact that she offended Jane. Over dinner, Jane confronts Handler for being disrespectful and compromising her own character. Handler regards this conversation as a proverbial wake-up call. Handler not only cares about Jane, she respects and admires her. She therefore wants Jane to respect her, too. This encounter coincides with the start of Handler’s therapy journey. Handler includes it in I’ll Have What She’s Having to show how honesty and bluntness in relationships can inspire personal change. Jane was indeed one of the only people in Handler’s life to address her behavior and to encourage her toward self-reflection. Later in “Full Circle,” Handler recounts another interaction with Jane. After Handler participated in one of Jane’s fundraising events, Jane wrote her another email; in this letter, Jane applauded Handler’s personal growth and thanked her for sacrificing her time for her project. Handler includes this anecdote to capture how she changed over time and to reiterate the importance of strong female friendships.