Wallace describes ego extension as knowing that what happens to us matters to someone else: Another person cares about our successes, worries about our setbacks, and takes an active interest in where we are going. Rehan Staton’s experiences show how such investment can shape what a person believes is possible. After financial hardship disrupted his education and an injury ended his pursuit of boxing, he began working as a sanitation worker. Coworkers Bones and Craig recognized his abilities and encouraged him to pursue college, becoming part of a much wider network that would support his education. Rehan calls these people “cornermen,” borrowing from boxing to describe someone who knows your capabilities and vulnerabilities well enough to encourage you, challenge you, and stay invested in the outcome.

The people in Rehan’s corner contributed in concrete ways. Long before college, a volunteer tutor had helped him recover academically and provided food and other necessities when his family was struggling. Later, he received help navigating college admission, a partial scholarship, adjustments to his work schedule, academic guidance, and financial assistance. These details add an important qualification to the idea that having someone believe in us can change our trajectory: Rehan’s supporters were often able to turn their concern into resources or opportunities he could use. The consequences of losing such support appear earlier in his story, when his grades declined after his free tutor left and his father couldn’t afford another. Finding a “cornerman” may therefore be more difficult for people whose families, workplaces, schools, or communities offer fewer sources of practical help.

Allowing other people to invest in us is one part of Wallace’s advice. She notes that fear of appearing incapable or becoming a burden can discourage people from asking for help, even though research suggests that people often underestimate how willing others are to assist. Asking for advice or feedback provides a simple place to begin. Being a cornerman can likewise take everyday forms. The “three T’s”—time, talent, and treasure—encourage readers to consider what they can realistically offer, whether companionship, a useful skill, or a practical resource. Investment also includes sharing another person’s happiness and remaining present when they’re struggling. Wallace draws on the Buddhist concept of mudita for the former and Paul Farmer’s idea of “accompaniment” for the latter, emphasizing sustained attention to another person’s experience.

Rehan eventually directed this attention toward workers at Harvard who reminded him of the invisibility he had experienced in sanitation work. After hearing that custodians, security staff, and dining workers often felt overlooked by students, he helped create the “Reciprocity Effect” to recognize their contributions. His decision gave reciprocity a concrete form: The support that Rehan received throughout his own life informed how he later chose to invest in people whose work was easily taken for granted.

Chapter Lessons

• Being relied upon can strengthen mattering, but responsibilities need sufficient support and limits to remain manageable.
• Prioritizing someone means responding to their needs in concrete ways, including making time for them and respecting their limits.
• Actively look for people whose potential you can champion, and offer them your time, talent, or resources where these can genuinely help.
• Be open to accepting investment from others, including guidance, feedback, and practical support, and consider how you can invest meaningfully in others.

Reflection Questions

• Where in your life are you central to meeting others’ needs while your own are consistently sidelined, and what support or limit would make this responsibility more manageable?
• Who has meaningfully invested in your growth, and how could you use your time, skills, or resources to become a “cornerman” for someone else?