A return to Washington, DC, should have been a positive transition for Nancy Schlossberg. She had secured a prestigious position, returned to a city she loved, and moved close to her best friend, yet she felt unexpectedly lost. Her effort to understand that disorientation helped initiate the research that would become her life’s work on transitions. Her experience also introduces one of Wallace’s central points: Even desired changes can disrupt the roles, relationships, and routines through which people feel valued and useful. Retirement, relocation, divorce, bereavement, job loss, or an anticipated change that never happens can disturb mattering in different ways. The question that Wallace poses for these periods is where and how a person can matter next.

Her “mattering lens” helps identify what, specifically, a transition has disrupted. A new community may leave someone feeling unseen, retirement may remove opportunities to be relied upon, and the end of a close relationship may weaken attunement or the sense that another person is invested in their life. Identifying the loss can make the next step clearer. Wallace also draws on Schlossberg’s habit of turning personal difficulties into questions for investigation, which she calls “me-search.” Readers can apply a similar approach by seeking research, stories, or conversations with people who have experienced comparable changes. Schlossberg’s broader work also shows why the same advice will not apply equally to every transition: Whether a change is anticipated or unexpected, whether it’s chosen or outside a person’s control, and the resources and support available can all affect how it’s experienced.

For Irish farmer Sean Butler, a changing understanding of his profession unsettled an identity he wanted to retain. As he became increasingly troubled by the environmental effects of modern farming, work that had once given him pride began to make him feel like a liability. His eventual move into regenerative farming allowed him to remain a farmer while changing how he understood his contribution. His experience shows one route through transition: An established role can be redefined when its previous form no longer provides the same sense of value. Such adaptation still requires viable alternatives. Curiosity and role redefinition have limited practical value when people lack the resources, training, support, or opportunities needed to act on them.

Those differences in opportunity become especially important when change affects whole industries or communities. Industrial decline, automation, and potential AI-driven job displacement can threaten income as well as the identity, dignity, and sense of contribution people derive from work. Wallace’s discussion of a “just transition” acknowledges that adaptation in these circumstances requires material support: Retraining, job placement, and investment in affected communities can help create new opportunities to contribute. Her mattering framework adds a psychological and relational dimension by asking whether people continue to experience themselves as valued participants in the changing economy. Financial assistance alone may leave some of the social and psychological losses of displacement unaddressed; a renewed sense of mattering, in turn, depends partly on whether meaningful opportunities to participate are actually available.

Chapter Lessons

• Become an “emotion scientist” by approaching others’ feelings with curiosity, asking questions, and listening closely to better understand what they may be experiencing.
• Resist “social inertia” by creating opportunities for meaningful interaction; when possible, meeting in person can provide additional verbal and non-verbal cues that support attunement.
• Turn your understanding into action by “broadcasting out” what you’ve noticed, responding in a way that communicates understanding.
• During a transition, identify which aspect of your mattering has been disrupted, and consider how it could be rebuilt through existing or new roles, relationships, and opportunities.

Reflection Questions

• Considering a past, current, or anticipated transition, which specific facet of your “mattering core” has been most affected, and what might help you rebuild it?
• Who in your life has navigated a similar change in a way you admire, and what practical lessons could you draw from their experience?