Counteract feelings of aimlessness by embracing meaningful responsibility, or what Wallace calls “the good kind of weight” (35). This reflects “reliance”: the feeling that others depend on you and value what you contribute. While modern culture often frames responsibility as a burden to be avoided, a life without it can feel hollow and “weightless.” Find ways to be genuinely useful by applying your strengths to a tangible need. A graphic designer feeling adrift in their corporate job could volunteer to create marketing materials for a local animal shelter. If the shelter comes to rely on this contribution, the designer gains a clearer sense of being needed and useful. This strategy works best when you take on responsibility with a sense of agency, allowing it to become a grounding source of meaning instead of an imposed obligation.

To avoid burnout, you must balance being relied on by others with the reciprocal feeling of being valued as a person. This reflects “importance”: the feeling that your needs, time, and well-being are prioritized. When others continually depend on you while your own needs are sidelined, meaningful responsibility can become depleting. You can restore this balance by setting “personal policies”—simple, intentional rules that protect your time and well-being. A manager who feels constantly pulled in different directions might establish a policy of not answering work messages after seven o’clock in the evening, protecting time each night to rest and recharge. This boundary reinforces that their well-being deserves consideration alongside the demands placed on them. By prioritizing your own needs in small, structural ways, you help maintain a healthier balance between feeling needed and feeling valued.

Actively championing the potential and success of others can strengthen your own sense of mattering. This reflects “ego extension,” the feeling that you’re invested in another person’s well-being and that others are similarly invested in yours. Act like a “cornerman,” the ringside coach who is deeply invested in their fighter’s success. This involves creating opportunities and celebrating wins as if they were your own. For instance, a seasoned sales professional could identify a promising junior colleague who has had few opportunities to present. They could invite that colleague to co-lead a presentation, provide coaching beforehand, and give them public credit for their contribution afterward. By actively investing in another’s development, their success becomes an extension of your own, deepening your connection to them and reinforcing the meaningful role you can play in another person’s growth.

Recognize that your physical environment can either foster or hinder a sense of mattering, and become an “architect” of mattering by creating spaces for intentional connection. The decline of “third spaces”—places outside of home and work—has left many people feeling isolated. You can respond by investing in ordinary spaces that give people opportunities to interact regularly and contribute to one another’s lives. For example, someone who regularly attends a local community center could start a weekly coffee gathering, using a shared table, coffee, and snacks to encourage people to linger and talk. This simple “scaffolding” creates a low-pressure environment for the spontaneous conversations that build trust and connection. Existing spaces can become sources of mattering when you show up consistently and help create conditions for people to know, value, and rely on one another.