Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.

1. The memoir is at times transformational, confessional, and inspirational. Which of Burden’s modes did you like the most, and which did you like the least? Why?

2. How does Burden’s memoir compare to other contemporary memoirs by women? If you’ve read works like Lauren Hough’s Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing or Chanel Miller’s Know My Name, what narrative, stylistic, and thematic differences and similarities did you notice?

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. After Burden published her “Modern Love” essay, some disparaged her as “a ‘rich bitch’ who ‘deserved to be left’” (223). Have you ever struggled to voice a hurt and worried that you were too privileged to complain?

2. Burden embraced conservative and traditional gender roles in her marriage. What kinds of power dynamics have you observed in the marriages of those close to you? Which are the most appealing, and why?

3. Burden attributes James’s actions in part to male entitlement. Have you ever felt entitled to “bad” behavior or observed someone else who believed this?

4. The memoir describes Burden’s connection with ospreys nesting near her Martha’s Vineyard home. Have you ever formed a bond with a wild animal? What did it mean for you to have this connection?

5. Burden found solace and renewal in writing, an interest she gave up in youth. Is there a hobby or enjoyable activity that you haven’t engaged with recently that you wish you could return to? What would it add to your life?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. Burden compares her marriage to the marriages of her parents, her grandparents ,and James’s parents. How do these generational dynamics explore patriarchal systems in the past and present?

2. The memoir is set against the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic restrictions. How does the book function as a reflection of that unique time in US history? How did Burden’s experience compare to those of the majority of the population? What broader questions of equity and access does her story raise? 

3. Burden’s prenuptial agreement became a source of emotional pain and financial stress during the divorce, particularly when a judge approved the enforcement of an unfair document that she was pushed to sign. What does her experience say about this ostensibly protective legal tool, the use of which has dramatically expanded in recent decades?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. Compare and contrast Strangers to Burden’s 2023 “Modern Love” essay, “Was I Married to a Stranger?” How does the structure of the essay compare to that of the memoir? Do their tones align or diverge?

2. Why doesn’t Burden use a linear timeline? How would her account resonate differently if it followed a chronology? 

3. What is the significance of other symbols not explored in the guide? For example, what might the Tribeca apartment, the beach key, or food and cooking represent in the memoir?

4. How does Burden use the motif of walking as a metaphor for the journey of emotional recovery? Find places where images of physical movement stand in for psychological progress and explore how this connection affects the reading experience.

Encourage imaginative and creative connections to the book.

1. Burden adapted an essay into a memoir. If you were tasked with transforming this subject matter into even more surprising genres, like spoken-word poetry or opera, which do you think would lend themselves well to expressing Burden’s ideas?

2. The memoir features many minor characters and communities: the children, country-club members, James’s friends, Burden’s pro-bono clients, etc. Whose commentary on the divorce would you most want to hear, and why?