Burden describes the mating patterns of ospreys. After courting, the birds normally stay in monogamous relationships.

Burden had pursued a writing career but gave it up to study law. Then, in 1996, when she was in her second year of law school, her father, Carter, died suddenly. His death shook her. Carter had been magnetic. He had two children with Burden’s mother, Amanda; after they divorced, Carter married Burden’s stepmother, Susan, who became a fixture in the family. Burden likes to think that Carter would have been proud of her legal pursuits, although they never had a close emotional relationship. After Carter’s death, Burden discovered that he had started taking diet pills again—a dependence that everyone close to him thought he’d overcome—and that he had a mountain of debt. Because of this, Burden took an associate job at Davis Polk, a Manhattan law firm, picking the more lucrative path of corporate law over the criminal law that she had wanted to practice.

In 1998, Burden and James started working together. They were attracted to each other but were in other relationships. Burden wasn’t in love with her boyfriend but didn’t know how to end the relationship, particularly in the wake of Carter’s death. In June, she and the now-single James shared a passionate first kiss. Burden broke up with her boyfriend and started dating James. James lived with his best friend Mark. Mark was the wilder of the two, never having abandoned the boyish antics James had outgrown; Burden appreciated his stereotypically “bad-boy” persona. Mark died of an overdose in 1999, devastating James.

A few weeks into dating James, Burden became convinced that they would marry. They traveled to Greece, and on the way back, James asserted that they’d “have a family together” (54). In September, they got a marriage certificate. James proposed in October, just three months after they’d kissed for the first time. Considering the start of their relationship, Burden searches for signs that James was untrustworthy but finds nothing. She loved him, and he loved her. Burden reflects on what she knew of James at the time. He’d opened up about his childhood but shut down whenever the topic of “his father leaving the family” in financial ruin came up (57).

Burden and James moved in together, planned their wedding, and signed a prenup. Burden’s lawyer wanted her and James to split their assets 50/50, but James insisted that they amend the document: In the case of divorce, anything earned or acquired independently during the marriage would belong to each solely; anything in both their names would be divided.

Burden and James married at Water Mill, her family’s farmhouse in the Hamptons, an exclusive luxury enclave on Long Island in New York State. They honeymooned in Asia. Afterward, Burden and James were reassigned at Davis Polk because the firm didn’t like couples working together. Burden quit shortly thereafter, working part-time for her brother instead.

Within the year, Burden and James bought an apartment in Tribeca. Burden used her trust fund to purchase the property outright, putting both of their names on the deed. Not long later, they had their first child.

James was a ready and willing father to all three children. However, Burden was the children’s primary caregiver while James worked constantly. She sometimes resented the dynamic and once considered returning to work. Still, James insisted that she stay home with the children, and Burden agreed, enjoying her life as a mother with the help of Tenzin, a nanny and aide with whom she split childcare and household responsibilities. James was busy but remained loving toward the children.

After divorcing Carter, Burden’s mother had struggled to raise their kids alone while going back to school and pursuing a new career. She’d had a hard childhood and never felt loved by her parents, but she deeply cared for Burden. Amanda occasionally dated and relied on nannies, including a strict Catholic woman named Rose, who was cruel to Burden until Burden revealed Rose’s hostilely pious treatment and Amanda fired her. Burden is grateful for Amanda’s, Carter’s, and Susan’s love but wishes that she’d had a more typical family setup—something she strived to give her children.

Several years after Carter’s death, Burden’s family sold Water Mill. Around this time, Burden and James bought a similar property on Martha’s Vineyard. Burden also purchased this house outright via her trust fund and put it in both her and James’s names. They called the place “Meadowpath”; James erected a sign with the name out front. It felt like the epitome of their loving family dynamic.

By 2006, Burden’s family had settled in Meadowpath. They joined the local country club, where Burden made women friends who didn’t make her feel inferior for not working. From 2008 on, Susan bought more and more land abutting Meadowpath, gradually increasing the size of the estate.

Burden and James now shared parenting responsibilities. Despite daily stressors, Burden remembers having fun together and always feeling loved. They shared heartbreak, too: In 2013, Burden’s friend Lynn died, and in 2016, James’s father died. Burden always felt like she could rely on James through everything. When he left her, all that changed.

Financially, James took care of everything. He was striving to become a partner at a hedge fund and made increasingly more money, so Burden felt secure. They enjoyed luxuries and procured many assets; however, James was controlling about spending, leading Burden to hide expenses on her own credit card. Still, she wasn’t worried.

In July 2019, Burden and James met with their lawyer; part of Burden’s agenda was to get rid of their prenup, but as time passed and life got busy, they never addressed the document and lost track of it.

The relationship was not without its challenges. James was often distant, consumed by work. He liked to meticulously track what he ate, how much he slept, and his workout regimes. Although he was loving and steady, Burden always found him mysterious—something that excited rather than upset her. Even as their sexual connection cooled, they remained tender with each other: They often held hands, and Burden always felt her heart and stomach leap when she saw him. James never seemed unhappy.

In retrospect, Burden wonders if her version of their marriage is accurate. She wonders if James’s story is different than hers.