“James” is the pseudonym that Burden gives to her ex-husband, Henry P. Davis. Burden met James when they were both working at the Manhattan corporate law firm Davis Polk in the 1990s. She was attracted to his good looks, charm, and no-nonsense approach to work and relationships. The two started dating, fell in love, and got married in three months. In retrospect, Burden sees how little she knew about James when they married. However, she asserts that they were genuinely in love.

James’s confidence was particularly appealing to Burden, who relied on his navigation of the world. As a timid person, Burden was happy to defer to James, who knew what he wanted and how to get it without fear or question. He knew how to make and manage money, how to run the home, and who Burden should be within this domestic sphere. Although Burden privately questioned James’s choices—demanding that she alter their prenuptial agreement, spending all his time at work, refusing to help with childrearing, or obsessing over minor expenses—she believed James was protecting her and the children. Instead of voicing any concerns, Burden either repressed her misgivings or hid her mild rebellion, such as buying what she wanted on a credit card that James didn’t know about.

James’s affair and abrupt decision to leave Burden unmoored her. For years, she had seen him as a guidepost; now, because his behaviors appeared so out of character, she wondered if she was to blame, if she had fabricated their love story, or if she had missed signs that James was untrustworthy or unhappy. She concluded that James’s father’s abandonment profoundly affected how he saw the world and noted that she had been too willing to accept his control. However, she claims to have found no explanation for his decisions at the end of their marriage.

The fact that James faced no pressure to explain himself underscores Male Entitlement and Domestic Power, which the memoir also locates in the stories of the couple’s fathers. All three men were empowered to indulge their whims and felt little compunction about leaving their children. None showed signs of remorse, reinforcing their belief that male desires were paramount in two succeeding generations. Burden doesn’t withhold the details of her anger, but she also does not attack James’s character. Rather, Burden extends empathy and grace to the person who hurt her.

Finn, Evie, and Carrie are Burden and James’s three children. Finn, who was an older teenager when the divorce happened, is at the periphery of Burden’s account. When the pandemic restrictions started in early 2020, Burden and James allowed him to stay “with his friend’s family on Long Island,” convinced that “he would be happier with his friends” and that “his time away from [them] would be limited, a couple of weeks at most” (6). As the pandemic escalated, Finn remained away from home. Initially, Burden was sad to be separated from her son, but she later realized that it was better for him to avoid seeing firsthand the emotional turmoil of his parents’ separation. Her intermittent visits to see Finn underscore her longing for the past and fear of the future.

Evie and Carrie are more present in the memoir, as they were with Burden on Martha’s Vineyard during this time because they are younger than Finn.

Although Burden tried to keep the truth from her daughters, Evie discovered that her father had had an affair when she saw private text messages between her parents on Burden’s computer. Burden forthrightly depicts her children’s different reactions to their parents’ divorce: Finn hung up the video call when he heard the news, Carrie screamed at the news and ran away, and Evie worried about her mother’s mental health and took over cooking responsibilities. Burden became particularly concerned about shouldering the children’s emotional lives when James revealed that he did not want partial custody; he would not take them for weekends, vacations, or overnight stays. Becoming a single mother to her adolescent and young-adult children was a burden, but being there for them helped Burden overcome her own heartbreak.

Burden has always been close to her stepmother, Susan: Although upset by her parents’ divorce, Burden fell in love with her father’s new wife: “[Susan] was young and fun and gathered us up, spending hours making sandcastles with my brother on the beach in East Hampton, dining on soups of toilet paper at my pretend restaurants, reading to us at bedtime” (37). Throughout Strangers, Burden frequently references Susan’s comforting guiding presence; as a maternal figure and mentor, she encouraged Burden to take care of herself instead of trying to rationalize James’s behaviors.