Bud takes some pills he found in one of the girls’ rooms and prepares to die by suicide. He’s been living in the family minivan inside the garage of the home where his wife, Catherine, and three daughters still live. He finds a candy bar wrapper and recalls its claim to contain a blend of milk and dark chocolate, promising “Bitter Makes It Better” (11). Bud did not find this to be true, either about chocolate or about life.

Bud’s middle daughter, Louise, appears outside the van, startling him. He struggles to remember her name for a moment. He invites her to get in, and when he suggests that she cook some dinner for the family, he sees the “female scorn” on her face. He reflects on the day Catherine told him she wanted an open marriage. Bud couldn’t see how this was the “good thing” she said it was, and he resisted the change; Catherine blamed Bud’s unwillingness to change as their problem. Although Bud makes good money, he couldn’t afford a second home when his assistant spotted Catherine with their neighbor, Jim Doherty, at the mall one day, so he took to the minivan.

Now, Louise informs Bud that Catherine told her to take his keys. He sees Jim Doherty’s fancy vehicle parked in the cul-de-sac, and Bud remembers back when he and Catherine enjoyed “[a] time of yes” (18). They wanted to do everything together and share everything, but eventually, apathy replaced passion.

Catherine is in the bath, smoking a joint, when Abigail walks into the bathroom. Abigail is wearing a lot of makeup and says that she’s going to meet her boyfriend, who Harper reports is called “War Crimes Wes” (20). Abigail, who is 17, reports that the boyfriend is 22 or 23, and Catherine says that she cannot go meet him, but Abigail goes anyway. Catherine calls Bud to ask if he knows about Wes, and he asks if she fed the girls dinner. She points out that he could feed them, and he suggests that Jim Doherty do it.

A few weeks ago, Catherine found some of Jim Doherty’s mail mixed in with theirs, and she walked it over. They got to talking, and he invited her in for coffee. He showed her his pottery wheel and some lumpy mugs he’d made, and he said that he could tell that she was an artist, too. This made her feel seen, as she had not been called an artist since studying photography in college. As she and Jim spent more time together, she opened up to him, reveling in the feeling of being understood. He told her that it was unreasonable to expect Bud to be “the stable husband and the sole provider and the Casanova” (27), suggesting that she “outsource” some of his responsibility. He also told her that she wasn’t really living, and she agreed. Catherine began taking pictures again, eventually turning the camera on herself. She shared more pictures with Jim, who encouraged her, whereas Bud found the new interest vain. Catherine considered an affair before deciding to open her marriage with Bud. She convinced herself that it was “better for everyone” (29). It could be a creative outlet, and she told Bud that it would increase their relationship’s “chances of survival” (29). When he continued to resist, she threatened him with divorce.

Catherine drinks until she can sleep. She thinks about how rebellious she and Bud used to be. When she saw him onstage with his band, that was it for her. They agreed that most people were “sheep” and promised to be different. They had a lot of sex, and Catherine got pregnant. Bud got a traditional job, and they married at the courthouse. They moved to the city and barely thought of themselves as parents. Then, Catherine got pregnant two more times, and “[p]racticality replaced principle” (33). Suddenly, they were getting invited to high school reunions, and her camera had been relegated to a closet. Eventually, she realized that they were just like their parents.

Harper thinks that all complex female characters need adversity; hers is that she’s too smart. She has long been isolated by her precocity. When a child psychiatrist told her parents that she wasn’t being challenged enough, Bud told her to learn Latin. She did, and then she learned Russian, Italian, Farsi, American Sign Language, and Korean. She stopped attending her 8th-grade classes when her personal studies became more consuming, telling a teacher that “[e]ducation is a system of imposed ignorance” (38). This got her suspended.

Harper began sorting through Bud’s work files on his laptop after he went to sleep. She found some significant gaps in the information provided by the spreadsheets he approved. When she confronted him about these, she suggested that there was a high-level conspiracy in which he was inadvertently involved. In truth, Bud is often careless at work, as he feels he’s just a human surveillance system; now, he affectionately requests that Harper stop going into his work email, asking if she wants to be right or happy. Harper says that being right makes her happy. Later, she finds a brochure for a camp for “troubled children” on his desk, and she decides to abandon her conspiracy theory for now.

Abigail has always been pretty, something her mother suggested would make it more painful for her to grow old. She started using shoplifted foundation to cover up two hickeys she got from her “first boyfriend,” who was an art teacher at her school. She rationalized the ethics of the relationship by pointing out that she wasn’t taking art, but he got fired after a “disgruntled PTA meeting” and a “small lawsuit” (44). Abigail practiced how to look beautiful and pouty, like the women in her mother’s beauty magazines. Then, about a month ago, she met Wes.

That night, Abigail and Tibet, her best friend, drove up to a town lookout and took some drugs. They could see the party at Paul Alabaster’s mansion; he is a billionaire, son of a storied real estate developer, as well as Bud’s boss. She’d heard the rumors of girls disappearing at his parties and then reappearing, rich and having signed non-disclosure agreements (NDAs). Abigail and Tibet called the latter’s cousin, a security guard at the mansion, and he let them into the party. When Bud texted Abigail to check in, she told him that she was going to his boss’s house, and he forbade it and said that it was dangerous. She agreed not to go and then put her phone away. Tibet’s cousin snuck them in and introduced them to his friend, Wes, another security guard. Wes had been a special contract mercenary, according to Tibet’s cousin, and Tibet called him a “beast.” Wes didn’t say much, but he did tell Abigail that it was his birthday. She told him about a birthday card she once received: It pictured two snakes, one asking the other if it ate his cupcake. The second denies this, but there is a cupcake-shaped lump in his body.

A man in a suit brought Abigail a flute of champagne and introduced himself as “Dolt,” which he admitted was not his real name. When she revealed her age, he said that he should have the person who snuck her in fired. She asked if the rumors about these parties were true, and Dolt insinuated that they were. He called himself a physician and a philanthropist as well as an “animal” in bed. Quietly, Wes told Abigail not to drink what Dolt gave her. When Abigail declined Dolt’s offer of a tour, he left, and Wes told her that it’s possible the snake on the card didn’t eat the cupcake; the snake could just be shaped that way and is erroneously blamed for eating others’ cupcakes. The next day at work, Abigail engraved a keychain for Wes expressing gratitude for his service.

Now, Abigail returns home from her third date with Wes, just a few minutes before her school alarm. She checks on her sisters, who are sleeping peacefully; she then checks on Bud, kicking him awake. When he asks if she is just getting home, she lies and says that she just woke up. He seems helpless, which worries her. She pours herself a glass of vodka and refills the bottle with water. In the bathroom, she assesses her concave stomach, sucking it in further. She goes outside, drinks her cocktail, and then goes in to get ready for school.

Louise is the quintessential middle child. While Harper and Abigail always get lots of attention, Louise blends in. The only unique thing in her mundane existence is her slight speech impediment, which comes out when she is anxious or frustrated. It appeared once when, late for soccer practice, she pointed out a sign that said wide right turns, but she pronounced the R sounds as Ws.

Abigail recently told Louise to go to the activities bulletin board at school, pick something, and then curate her identity around that activity. Today, Louise chooses the Our Lady of Suffering’s Spring Inner Beauty Pageant, and when she gets home from school, she jumps on the family laptop to message yourstruly, her Canadian internet lover. They met in a chat room for middle children. Yourstruly talks to Louise about “the immutable divine law of God” (60). When she tells him about the pageant, he asks if it’s a large gathering of Christians, and she says that it is. He promises to “lead [her] to victory” (60). Louise feels unconditionally accepted by him, as though she’s not all alone in the world.

The next night, Louise goes to the church and finds Father Andrew rejecting a plant brought in by Miss Winkle. The priest tells Louise that pageant signups are closed, and Miss Winkle suggests that a “beauty pageant” isn’t right for her anyway. Aghast, Father Andrew allows Louise to sign up. He interviews her about her hobbies and interests, and she is faced with her mediocrity when asked about any talents. Yourstruly tells her that he wants her to begin learning Arabic, and he tells her that her true beauty is in her dedication to God. She feels that their relationship is simple and perfect.

The next night, Louise goes to the church for the pageant’s first round. For her talent, she decides to hold her breath, something she knows she’s good at. She begins amid the other girls’ giggles, but the audience is soon rapt. She holds her breath for over three minutes, until her sight begins to fail and Father Andrew orders her to breathe. She passes out around three and a half minutes. When Louise learns that she’s not a finalist, she goes to see Father Andrew. He explains that making herself pass out isn’t a talent, and she leaves in tears. That night, Yourstruly promises that they will “avenge” her, and he asks if she has access to two of the ingredients used to make fireworks.