Brooke Averick’s debut novel, Phoebe Berman’s Gonna Lose It (2026), is a contemporary romantic comedy that emerged from the author’s career as a popular digital creator. Averick, cohost of the podcast Brooke & Connor Make a Podcast, is known for her candid and humorous online discussions of her own experiences with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This novel translates those themes into a fictional narrative. The story follows Phoebe Berman, a 29-year-old pre-K teacher whose life is governed by a debilitating intimacy anxiety that triggers panic attacks. As a teenager, Phoebe wrote herself a letter setting a single goal for the year she would turn 30: to lose her virginity before her birthday. When that letter arrives in her late twenties, she responds by creating a systematic checklist to force herself to create the romantic encounters she’s spent her life avoiding.

Phoebe’s shame over her lack of sexual experience at age 29 illustrates the ways that culturally prescribed timelines produce social pressures that Averick’s novel works to dismantle. In the closing chapters, Phoebe reaches a resolution by developing concrete tools: therapy language, explicit naming of her ROCD, and a partner who understands her diagnosis and works to navigate it alongside her. Thematically, Averick uses Phoebe’s arc to explore The Arbitrary Nature of Timelines For Social Milestones, The Isolating Experience of Anxiety, and The Value of Platonic Relationships.

This guide is based on the 2026 Crown e-book edition.

Content Warning: The source material and this guide feature depictions of mental illness, sexual content, cursing, and substance use.

Plot Summary

Phoebe Berman, a 29-year-old pre-K teacher in Los Angeles, lives with a debilitating intimacy anxiety that triggers panic attacks at the prospect of romance. This anxiety stems from a traumatic incident in middle school when she projectile vomited onto her crush, Lucas Johnson, just before their first kiss. With her 30th birthday a month away, Phoebe receives a letter she wrote to herself in high school containing a single, urgent goal to accomplish before she turns 30: “Lose your virginity. That’s all I ask” (8). Spurred by this looming deadline and her younger sister Jamie’s impending wedding, Phoebe turns to her friends—Nora, Meg, Alex, and her best friend and roommate, Jonathan—for help creating a laminated checklist titled “Phoebe’s Guide to Losing Her Virginity in Thirty Days” (31), a series of tasks designed to force her into romantic encounters, ranging from complimenting a stranger to going on a date with Matthew, a photographer from her hometown in New York with whom she’s maintained a texting relationship since they matched on the dating app, Hinge, over a year ago.

Phoebe’s plan is complicated when the new school year begins, and she’s instantly smitten with Finn, a handsome and kind fellow teacher. She immediately reworks her list to focus on him. They share flirtatious moments at work, and he invites her to his roommate Noah’s upcoming birthday party. Simultaneously, Phoebe’s friends encourage her to finally meet Matthew in person when she’s in New York for her sister’s wedding. A year prior, Phoebe had bailed on her first date with Matthew due to a severe panic attack, lying that she had food poisoning. Despite being determined to check off all the things on her list, Phoebe feels too anxious to go through with the in-person date, and texts Matthew that she’s her trip to Rochester has been cancelled.

When she arrives at Jamie’s wedding, she discovers that Matthew is the event’s official photographer. Their first time meeting in person is awkward after Matthew learns she lied about canceling her trip to avoid their date. Fueled by champagne, Phoebe corners Matthew in a janitor’s closet and explains her experiences with anxiety. When she impulsively tries to kiss him, he gently stops her, saying, “Not like this” (160). Afterward, Phoebe breaks out in stress hives, but her father assures her, “Anxiety is normal, Pheebs, and us Bermans come from a long line of nervous pukers” (164). Hearing this, Phoebe begins to consider that her anxiety might be a family trait rather than a personal failing.

Phoebe flies home to LA resolved to forget Matthew and focus on her attraction to Finn. She provides her friends with constant updates about their friendly interactions at work and her plans to shift their relationship from friendship to romance. Her crush on Finn creates tension in her friendship with Jonathan, who gets agitated whenever Finn’s name is mentioned. Phoebe reflects that Jonathan has been spending a lot of nights away from their apartment and feels hurt that he hasn’t told her he’s seeing someone new.

Phoebe attends a party at Finn’s apartment, feeling confident and determined to make her move. During the party, she explores Finn’s bedroom, struck by the familiar scent of Jonathan’s musk and sandalwood cologne. As she turns to leave, she notices Jonathan’s his favorite green T-shirt under Finn’s bed and realizes that the person Jonathan has been secretly seeing is Finn. Devastated by the discovery, Phoebe flees the party.

At home, Phoebe hands Jonathan the T-shirt. Stricken, Jonathan pleads with her to talk to him, but Phoebe shuts herself in her room. The following day, Phoebe takes her first-ever sick day from work, throws away her entire collection of beloved romance novels, and discards her laminated list. In the kitchen, she sees a photo of her and Jonathan on the fridge and feels sad and guilty, wondering how she ever missed something so important about her best friend. She goes to Jonathan’s office and throws her arms around him and apologizes. Jonathan comes out to her as gay, explaining that he had met Finn on a dating app for closeted men, but when he realized that Finn was also Phoebe’s work crush, he’d been terrified of his two worlds colliding. He apologizes for his secretive and moody behavior, confessing he had felt trapped and had not known how to tell her. Talking to Jonathan, Phoebe recognizes that moving at her own pace does not mean something is fundamentally wrong with her.

With the deadline to lose her virginity discarded, Phoebe stops avoiding Matthew’s texts and calls him. Matthew reveals that he’s in LA for a photo shoot and asks to see her. They go on their first official date to Jeffery’s, their local bar, and the Santa Monica Pier. Matthew is patient and understanding, and they share a passionate, long-awaited first kiss behind an abandoned street cart. He stays for the weekend, and Phoebe realizes her feelings for Matthew are deep, eclipsing her earlier interest in Finn. Meanwhile, Jonathan comes out to their friend group and decides to take space from Finn, who’s not yet ready to come out.

Matthew goes back to Rochester but returns to LA to celebrate Phoebe’s 30th birthday. He and Jonathan throw her a surprise party where she proudly introduces Matthew as her boyfriend to her friends and family. She reflects that even though she’s 30 and still a virgin, she’s content and “not in a rush to change” (284) for the first time in her life. The epilogue reveals that Phoebe loses her virginity to Matthew a few months later to Matthew in her childhood bedroom. They exchange declarations of love and make plans for Matthew to move to Los Angeles. Afterward, Phoebe writes a new checklist focused on managing her anxiety and embracing self-acceptance.