Things in Nature Merely Grow is a sustained argument for the necessity of “radical acceptance” in the face of incomprehensible loss. Confronting the unalterable facts of her sons’ suicides, Yiyun Li posits that honesty requires abandoning the comfort of euphemism, the search for metaphysical answers, and the desire for alternative outcomes. She finds that traditional paths toward healing or closure are inadequate and misleading, so she instead sees this acceptance as the fundamental condition for living with integrity inside a fractured reality. For Li, to accept the facts of death without flinching is an act of intellectual courage and an important form of respect for the dead, whose choices must not be softened, romanticized, or explained away.

The foundation of this radical acceptance is a commitment to precise and direct language. The memoir opens with the line police use to deliver bad news—“There is no good way to say this”—which Li praises as an “accurate and effective” statement of fact (3). She consistently rejects euphemism, insisting using words like “died” and “suicide” because she believes that softening the truth diminishes reality. When other mothers suggest telling their children that her son Vincent died in an accident, she refuses, arguing that such a lie would be a “violation of Vincent’s memory” (23). For Li, using clear, factual language is a moral imperative; she asserts that failing to call a fact by its name is the first step toward “cruelty and injustice” (23). Her commitment to accuracy reflects a broader belief that reality must be confronted directly, no matter how painful it may be.

Complementing her insistence on linguistic clarity is a deliberate refusal to engage in what she deems useless questioning. After James dies, Li concludes that the search for “whys and hows and wherefores” is futile, as such questions function as “counterarguments against a fact” (24). In life, unlike in fiction, events do not necessarily have satisfying explanations, and tragedy does not typically reveal a hidden lesson. She therefore embraces radical acceptance as the only discipline that can sustain her. This is an active intellectual choice to engage with reality as it is, rather than as one wishes it to be. By refusing to dwell on alternate possibilities or imagined outcomes, Li honors James’s decision as a final, irreversible fact instead of attempting to reinterpret or contest it through the lens of what might have been.

Additionally, radical acceptance for Li does not mean withdrawing from life. Throughout the memoir, she continues to write, garden, swim, study geometry, and practice piano. She refers to many of these activities as “placeholders,” daily acts that structure time without pretending to solve the insoluble reality of her sons’ deaths. These routines demonstrate that acceptance is not synonymous with surrender. Rather than resisting reality or seeking to escape it, Li chooses to remain fully present within it. Her actions reveal that acceptance is a discipline requiring constant effort, one that allows her to continue living while acknowledging that some losses can never be repaired or transcended.

This practice of radical acceptance redefines Li’s entire existence. The abyss of her loss is becomes her permanent “habitat,” underscoring the belief that she is forced to navigate a life governed by a new, stark knowledge. By choosing to inhabit this abyss without struggling against its fundamental nature, Li demonstrates that survival is not about recovery or returning to a former self. Instead, it is about adapting to a permanent condition and learning to live within it with as much lucidity, honesty, and integrity as possible. Through radical acceptance, Li develops a philosophy that rejects false comforts in favor of truth, arguing that reality, however painful, is the only ground on which a meaningful life can continue.