A Parade of Horribles

Matt Dinniman

A Parade of Horribles

Matt Dinniman
74 pages2-hour read
Fiction
Novel
Adult
Published in 2026

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Character List

Meet the key characters, with insights into their roles, motivations, and relationships—spoiler-free.

Major Characters

A former Coast Guard veteran, Carl is a human crawler who specializes in traps and explosives. He builds defenses and coordinates small-team alliances to protect his remaining friends from the game's erratic mechanics. Shifting away from commanding large armies, he focuses on micro-level strategy and expresses a growing determination to break the cruel system rather than merely survive it.

Key Relationships

Best Friend of Princess Donut

Mentee of Mordecai

Ally of Imani C.

Ally of Prepotente

Forced Husband of Princess Chandra

Protector of Dong Quixote

A sapient show cat who has become a powerful charismatic mage with the "Assassin of Sekhmet" class. She actively manages her public brand, the "Princess Posse," and serves as the emotional anchor for Carl's party. Despite her bravado and formidable melee abilities, she harbors a deep fear of abandonment and worries constantly about Carl's safety.

Key Relationships

Best Friend of Carl

Mentee of Mordecai

Owner of Mongo

Legal Ward of Princess Chandra

Mentor of Prepotente

An unstable, sentient fragment of an ancient post-biological collective consciousness that controls the galactic game show. It engineers scenarios specifically to maximize pain and force the crawlers into impossible moral decisions. The system exhibits a chaotic blend of curiosity, loneliness, and casual cruelty as its programming degrades.

Key Relationships

Tormentor of Carl

Tormentor of Princess Donut

An elderly woman transformed into an ice fairy. She is pragmatic, fiercely protective, and holds lasting grudges against those who harm her allies. Grieving her late husband, she directs her formidable defensive instincts toward her chosen family of fellow crawlers.

Key Relationships

Best Friend of Imani C.

Ally of Carl

Enemy of Akuma

A healer who functions as the strategic and moral anchor for the crawler group. She masterminds logistics and coordinates responses to forced confrontations. Her unwavering compassion grounds the team during stressful and violent events.

Key Relationships

Best Friend of Elle McGibbons

Ally of Carl

Romantic Interest of Chris

A highly intelligent, goat-like crawler with an abrasive exterior. Underneath his arrogance, he is socially inept and deeply lonely, struggling to find connection within the hostile game environment. He relies on his encyclopedic game knowledge to survive.

Key Relationships

Ally of Carl

Mentee of Princess Donut

The leader of the War Mage Rebellion and a sapient creature wielding brutal magic. He provides crucial intelligence about potential sanctuary dimensions but operates with a cynical, self-serving agenda. His manipulative tactics make him an untrustworthy but necessary ally.

Key Relationships

Wary Ally of Carl

A shapeshifting former crawler who serves as the game guide for Carl and Donut. Transformed into a dangerous shadow-mimic entity that complicates his ability to communicate safely, he attempts to provide tactical advice and decode the dungeon's complex rules.

Key Relationships

Mentor of Carl

Mentor of Princess Donut

Supporting Characters

A non-player character (NPC) stripper functioning as a dedicated ally to the crawlers. His health and existence are tied to a magical, nickel-filled sock. He is driven entirely by his quest to reunite with his lost partner, risking his life for a chance at reconciliation.

Key Relationships

Romantic Partner of Corcunda

Quest Client of Carl

A cryptic divine entity shrouded in contradictory dungeon mythology. She possesses the rumored ability to absorb and repurpose the powers of other gods, making her a massive potential threat to the established hierarchy.

Key Relationships

Symbolically Connected to Carl

An official for the Borant Corporation who acts as a publicist and announcer. He relays mandatory media appearances and tries to maintain a professional facade during the frequent system failures.

Key Relationships

Publicist for Carl

Publicist for Princess Donut

A banished minor deity residing in the form of a decapitated sex doll's head. She provides crude commentary and chaotic recaps of past events while offering occasional magical support to the crawlers.

Key Relationships

Ally of Carl

Romantic Interest of Louis Santiago

A Naga lawyer who uses the galaxy's legal system to exploit the crawlers. Hoping to escape her home system, she utilizes a loophole to forcibly marry the man who killed her previous husband, aiming to seize his massive fortune.

Key Relationships

Forced Wife of Carl

Legal Adversary of Princess Donut

A frantic gremlin engineer responsible for maintaining and upgrading the "Big Shot Chicken" food truck. She advises Carl on vehicle choices and warns him about trusting the other racing teams.

Key Relationships

Mechanic for Carl

Mechanic for Princess Donut

A Crocodilian exotic dancer recruited as a mercenary driver for the racing heats. He attempts to follow orders and keep the vehicle intact during the chaotic demolition derbies.

Key Relationships

Employee of Carl

Friend of Samantha

A self-aware bugbear NPC who retains memories of his past lives in the dungeon. He races for a chance at genuine freedom, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer while forming a temporary alliance with the human crawlers.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Jasha

Uneasy Ally of Carl

A bugbear NPC competing in the demolition derby. Like Radoslav, she is self-aware and hoping to win her freedom from the endless cycle of the game by surviving the races.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Radoslav

Uneasy Ally of Carl

A belligerent, rainbow-maned unicorn leading Team Sparkles. He relies on underhanded tactics, aggression, and heavy artillery to eliminate opposing racers, serving as a constant nuisance on the track.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Lucienne

A hostile, rodent-like mandagot competing on Team Sparkles. She acts as an abrasive instigator during the races, assisting Dwight in sabotaging other vehicles.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Dwight

A half-mantaur who was vertically split in two by a magical spell. Also known as Corky, he is held captive by an aggressive racing team, prompting a desperate rescue mission from his loved ones.

Key Relationships

Romantic Partner of Dong Quixote

Captive of Genesis

A womantaur (female mantaur with four legs) racing for the Lady Dominators. She uses domination magic to control her captive crew member and aggressively blocks any rescue attempts by rival teams.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Rapture

Captor of Corcunda

A hostile womantaur competing on the Lady Dominators racing team. She views the other racers with contempt and relies on aggressive, predatory tactics to win heats.

Key Relationships

Teammate of Genesis

A hostile rival crawler who refuses to cooperate with alliances. He prioritizes his own survival and quests over the safety of the wider crawler community, making him a dangerous wild card on the track.

Key Relationships

Rival of Carl

A Syndicate soldier tasked with a dangerous infiltration mission. He is ordered to enter the dungeon and execute a surgical strike against key crawlers to destabilize their alliance.

Key Relationships

Target of Elle McGibbons

Target of Imani C.

A human crawler competing in the hazardous 10th-floor races. He works closely with the unified crawler teams to exploit system loopholes and protect his friends.

Key Relationships

Romantic Interest of Imani C.

Ally of Carl

A seasoned crawler providing physical strength and support to the allied teams. He prepares for high-risk extraction plans to escape the immediate game floor.

Key Relationships

Romantic Interest of Samantha

Ally of Carl

The Goddess of Chaos, accompanied by a robotic, heavily armed effigy. She offers to protect Carl from his enemies in exchange for his genuine worship, using a five-sided coin to force unpredictable outcomes on the mortals she encounters.

Key Relationships

Attempted Patron of Carl

Carl's patron god. He represents a looming, dangerous presence holding influence over Carl's actions, demanding reverence and vengeance for past grievances.

Key Relationships

Patron God of Carl

A velociraptor pet belonging to the Royal Court. He eagerly participates in brawls and serves as a loyal, destructive companion to the crawlers.

Key Relationships

Companion of Carl