Rohr believes that in the second half of life, people’s social circles grow smaller and more intimate, but their world grows bigger. Institutions, like most individuals, deal with first-half-of-life problems, like the foundational requirements of survival and membership. While these are necessary in life, people in the second half must also find ways to flourish beyond these basic necessities. People in the first half of life want concrete answers and a firm identity. This is understandable and even necessary, but in the long term inhibits real wisdom. 

Rohr laments that convents and monasteries were meant to be “wisdom schools” but have been so institutionalized or “churchified,” meaning that much of the clergy now lack the freedom and encouragement to think deeply. Belonging to groups such as these can keep people in narrow- minded and exclusive mindsets that are not conducive to God’s message.

Rohr questions the benefits of large religious institutions, accusing them of becoming insular and overly engaged in pointless rituals. For example, the Catholic church spent many resources on retranslating some Latin scriptures, an effort Rohr presents as useless in a world plagued by crises. While companies and religious institutions try to impose order and “tit for tat” thinking, living at the “soul level” brings different priorities. Without “soulful people” in politics, institutions, and churches, they will become motivated by self-interest.

The author coaches the reader to not become upset at others’ priorities; hopefully a few “enlightened” people come from these places and help to lead them to more expansive goals. He encourages the reader to not try to change people who are not ready for maturity. He cites Jesus’s instruction to not scatter seeds on paths or rocks, but to wait for “receptive soil” (90). Such “receptive” people are often outside of the church who are not stuck in rigid thinking. Rohr credits Buddhism with developing ways to self-reflect and mature. Ultimately, this leads to compassion, inclusion, and forgiveness.

While it can feel lonely to reject or outgrow old structures and dynamics, solitude can feel fulfilling in the second half of life. Mature people become more introverted and contemplative as they process life and reflect on its meaning. He feels that mature people understand poets and mystics, and their politics becomes more inclusive and compassionate. If it does not, this is not the second half of life. Mature people will experience “double belonging” and easily identify with many groups, as no one group will satisfy their needs. Their thinking also becomes less dualistic, fundamentalist, and bigoted. This is part of graduating from dualistic thinking and becoming a “both-and” thinker who can tolerate mystery and nuance. People in the second half of life may also have changed personalities. Sadly, many people never change their thinking because their chosen identity is so strong, it feels scary to leave it behind.

Rohr points to Jesus as a radically inclusionary figure, citing his message to grow the weeds with the wheat and that God’s sun shines on the good and the bad. However, his teachings have been processed and translated by dualistic thinkers and the church. This has manipulated his message. Rohr wishes that church leaders had the wisdom to teach his true message and accept the nuance and tension therein. He concludes his chapter by claiming that “whole” people create wholeness, while “split” people create division.

The author’s contrast of the first half of life with the second presents tribalism and fundamentalism as immature devices of the ego, while inclusion and acceptance are marks of maturity. This builds on his overall theme that becoming closer to God means relinquishing excessive reliance on identity markers such as church membership, nationality, or professional accomplishments, and focusing on creating caring connections with others. He asks the reader to consider how their exclusive groups might narrow their thinking, presenting this as a spiritual problem. He writes, “We cannot turn the other cheek if we are American, nor can we have Eucharistic table fellowship with non-Catholics if we are Catholic. We end up denying the first and deeper river for the sake of the small river that everybody happens to be floating on” (87). 

This discussion reiterates Rohr’s belief that while tribalism might create feelings of safety and stability in early life, it is ultimately a hindrance to the inclusive love that Jesus encouraged. By referring to passages from Matthew, the author uses scripture to support his understanding of Jesus’s teaching, grounding his arguments in the Christian Gospel. However, he also acknowledges the wisdom of other traditions in this chapter by referring to Rumi, Baal Shem Tov, Kabir, and other mystic poets. In doing so he practices what he preaches by expanding the scope of his work beyond that of his own faith.

Chapter Lessons

• Churches, governments, and companies tend to employ “first half of life” thinking
• Belonging to groups and institutions can create closed-mindedness and tribalism
• Jesus’s perspective was radically inclusive, forgiving, and loving

Reflection Questions

• Rohr argues that Jesus’s message has been “manipulated” by dualistic thinkers. What are some aspects of Jesus’s life and teaching that remain full of mystery and nuance for you? How can you find ways of being more comfortable with mystery and nuance in general?
• What characterizes second half of life people? Do you share these qualities? Which qualities would you like to do a better job of cultivating?
• Which of your old identity markers or group memberships would feel the most frightening to relinquish? Do you feel this would help or hinder your spiritual growth? Why?